Hey guys! Our regular Booze Talkin columnist JimmyO is out of order today, so I am taking over this one, which is good, cause I got shit to say.
It’s October and horror is all around me and I am loving every second of it! Stores of all kinds are filled with Halloween costumes, varied horror masks (that's me on the left trying one out) and remarkable horror props for peeps to decorate their homes or make-shifts haunted houses with. Horror is everywhere these days… but not on the big screen.
Yup, in terms of wide releases (meaning a film that pretty much everybody could catch at their local theatres); all we got is Carrie – and it’s not even coming out on Halloween weekend. On Halloween weekend we get the comedy Bad Grandpa. WTF?!? How in Myers name does that happen people? Does Hollywood not believe in the Halloween season this year? You know the time of the year that made SAW and PARAGARBAGE ACTIVITY all kinds of coin even though many of the films themselves were subpar?
Carrie, the only big screen horror wide release this Halloween. Hmmkay...
So what's the dealio yo? Is it because Hollywood now releases horror movies year round that we're getting the shaft in October? Or is it due to today’s sad-sack film market, where most films with a budget of under 20 Million can’t get a wide theatrical release cause it's too damn expensive (just ask Chucky, he knows)? Sure, we’re getting new horror this October via “limited big screen releases” (which usually means in LA and NY hence I never see them in cinemas) and the VOD platform. Nothing Left to Fear, All the Boys Love Mandy Lane (yeah the one everybody already saw 6 years ago), Haunter (expect my review soon), Curse of Chucky and Big Ass Spider will be available to watch at home this month... but that’s not the same! I already got all kinds of horror movies lined up to watch on the small screen, my Halloween weekend will be a legendary marathon of beers and horror! But the fact that I don’t have a big screen celluloid fear flick to wrangle, one to see with a bunch of buds and a rambunctious crowd ready to horror party on Halloween, does rub my knife the wrong way.
You’d think that an industry that is ALL ABOUT money would be wise enough to release at least THREE horror movies in October with ONE of them during Halloween weekend. YOU’RE NEXT would have made way more che and ching in my useless opinion if released on the big screen within that time frame. But they put it out in August for some duh reason and it made Dick and Tracy at the box office. INSIDIOUS 2 did good coin, but am pretty sure that it would have made even more if unleashed in October instead of September. It’s like this year Hollywood ignored Halloween and the Halloween weekend! With no Paranormal Activity coming out on Halloween weekend, I can’t believe another horror film didn’t jump in and take that coveted slot! Where's Takashi Shimizu's haunted flight movie 7500 for example? Wasn't that supposed to come out this October last we checked? I guess it got bumped again. This would have been an ideal time to put it out! It’s not like the competition is too frightening (The Counselor and Bad Grandpa). I don’t f*cking get it. Do you? If so, enlighten me!
Halloween is around the corner, so lets release this fine low budget horror film with no names in August and then wonder why it made no money. Duh!
Maybe it’s the Booze Talkin (and in my case, it usually is), but in my useless opinion, Hollywood dropped the ball this year with big screen horror and the Halloween season (2012 had 3 wide October horror releases and 2011 had 2). Oh well, lose money Hollywood as I watch GREAT horror movies at home this month and come Halloween weekend instead of going to the cinemas.
And while I’m on the subject of Halloween: Yo Weinsteins, get your fat thumbs out of your asses and give us another HALLOWEEN movie already! The one Patrick Lusisier and Todd Farmer had cooked up sounded like a blast and a return to form to me! Go back to that one and get it done already! And while you're at it release it next Halloween weekend (not in August like you did with Zombie's films..."scratches head") to fight off the stench of the impending PARANORMAL ACTIVITZZZzzz 5 which at this point is more of a trick for this horror fan than a treat. Am out! Pour me another one dog! I'm still thirsty!
BRING HIM BACK HOLLWYOOD! HALLOWEEN NEEDS HIM!