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IT'S THE BOOZE TALKIN': Where's the horror this Halloween?

10.11.2011by: Ammon Gilbert

Last year, after knocking back a rack of High Life and washing it down with some Crown Royale, I went on a rant about why we deserve better movies for the Halloween season (get sauced and check that shit out HERE). A yearís gone by and my drunken rants appeared to not only have fallen on deaf ears, but the exact opposite happened: instead of us getting better horror moviesówe now hardly have any. And for a horror movie fan fanatic, having the cineplexes empty of horror in October is a sacrilege! A goddamn shame, if you want to get right down to it. So this year, while not sounding like a total broken f*ckiní record, Iíd like to make a plea for studios to grow a brain (and some balls) and release horror films in October! Come on people, whereís all the horror at this year?

I donít even give that much of a shit about quality anymore, there simply isnít anything being released these days, and the few that are are simply limited releases and are few and far between. Look what we have here: DREAM HOUSE on September 30th (still a little early, but weíll throw it in here), THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE 2 (limited) on October 7th, THE THING on October 14th, then PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 3 and RED STATE (limited) on October 21st, then nothing for October 28th. And thatís it folks, the Halloween season is over and the everyday movie watcher stops digginí on horror and moves on to shit like ITíS A WONDERFUL LIFE or some other holiday bullsh*t. Look at the f*ckiní line-up! Three major releases and two limited releases and thatís f*ckiní it. What the hell is going on here? Why arenít we getting any love?

Through my bleary-eyed beer-goggles, I can already hear the argument: because PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 3 is going to clean-house. Well f*ck that noise. Thatís no reason to abandon the rest of the monthóespecially the week before it thatís getting absolutely no love whatsoever. Just because PA2 beat the snot out of SAW: THE FINAL CHAPTER doesnít mean itíll beat any other horror flick released around the same time: it just meant the SAW franchise had run its course and nobody gave a f*ck about the series anymore. I donít even know what the hell is going on in the world when October is shat on with some of the weakest horror titles of the year! Itís as blasphemous as July having only one big summer movie releaseóI mean, can you imagine if TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON was the only July release? What the f*ck would we do for the rest of the month? TF3 cleaned house then HARRY POTTER swooped in a couple weeks later and f*cked shit up even more.

I know. Comparing October horror release to tentpole summer blockbusters is f*cking stupid and makes no sense, butÖ itís the only other real comparison that I got. Sue me. And now that Iím thinking about it, I guess I will retread on my rant from last year: itís not that horror has been completely abandoned this year, itís that the few horror flicks being released largely blow assholes (and in THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE 2ís case, I mean that quite literally). I mean, THE THING remake as one of two of the biggest horror releases for the month? Seriously? They could do better than that!

Maybe itís the booze talkiní, but I love me some horror in October and the shit thatís being released this month is few and far between. Horror should be bleeding out of every theater across the Nation, people should have more than one scary movie option to see at the movies, and yet the pickings are slim and (worse yet) the majority of them are shit. Hell, at this point, Iíd be just as happy if studios decided to double-dip and rocked a bunch of classic horror re-releases all month. Give TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE, A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET, or even GRAVEYARD SHIFT a limited theatrical release for the month and see what happens. I own all those movies and buy tickets to see each and every one of those more than I would DREAM HOUSE or THE THING (or even THC2, for that matter). So my plea for October 2012: a new horror movie every week, if not two, and while weíre at it: make sure they donít suck.



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