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Top 10 Horror Flicks to see this Valentine's Day!

02.14.2018by: Jake Dee
Love hurts. Hell, in some cases, love kills. With that, we at AITH wish y'all a happy and healthy f*cking Valentine's Day!

Oh but if you thought that's all we had for ya today, you're wrong. Dead wrong. For all those lonely and lovelorn, or even for those kill-crazy couples who cannot sate their bloodlust enough, we've got quite the treat for you. Ten of them, in fact. That's right y'all, as a bit of prurient preamble to Valentine's Day coming at us next week (Wednesday), we couldn't think of a better time to revel in the romance than by highlighting a double handful of horror flicks to scope this coming holiday. Sound good? Hell yes. Let's get into our Top 10 Horror Flicks to see this Valentine's Day!

#10. THE LOVED ONES (2009)

Ah yeah, remember this f*cked-up piece of jubilant jilted vengeance? We do! Hell yes, Sean Byrne's blisteringly baleful teenage slasher romp THE LOVED ONES was one of the more refreshingly riotous titles when it was released almost a decade ago. The premise was so simple, the torture so thorough. A young school-girl named Princess (Robin McLeavy) who gets rejected when asking her classmate Brent (Xavier Samuels) out on a date hatches a sadistically vengeful scheme to teach the dumb bastard a lesson. And that she does and then some! With a mordant sense of humor and a startling amount of graphic violence, THE LOVED ONES shall, at bare minimum, serve as terrifying therapy this V-Day for all those in vicarious need getting over their exes. Don't say we never did anything for ya!

#9. CAT PEOPLE (1982)

Up until the odious incestuous subplot reveals itself in the final reel, a truly horrific turn, Paul Schrader's CAT PEOPLE is a damn sexy movie. Loosely remade from the 1942 Val Lewton classic, only connected by a similar swimming pool scene in each, the animal carnality and primal bodily urges hampered by the production code in the original are shattered in lieu of Schrader's steamily graphic take on the material. Of course, Natassja Kinski was perfectly cast as the one of the titular sex-kittens, reinforcing her off-screen persona as such. Actually, word is Schrader was not only dating Kinski during the production, so much full frontal nudity was shot on set that Kinski sje rightly went to a key producer and demanded the footage go unused in the film. Most was, some wasn't, and in the end, despite nowhere near resembling the original, CAT PEOPLE makes the list for the edgier, gonzo crowd this V-day.

#8. SPRING (2015)

Be honest, how many of you have seen the 2015 movie SPRING? Oh man, what a twisted treat you're in for this Valentine's Day if not. See that shot above? Idyllic, right? Rightfully romantic, is it not? Yeah well, much of the movie lulls you into this sense of rose-tinted splendor, laying out a story about Evan (Lou Taylor Pucci), an American tourist in Italy who strikes up an instant bond with the gorgeous stranger named Louise (Nadia Hilker). Their short time together is wistful, blissful, blessed, and too damn good to be true. As the film slowly unravels the true identity of this ravishing creature Louise, nothing can prepare us for what ultimately transpires. A quick Google search will give you a clue or two, as I really don't want to spoil this one for the uninitiated. Put it this way, SPRING makes a perfect companion piece with UNDER THE SKIN. Cinematic lovebirds!

#7. BRAM STOKER'S DRACULA (1992)

The age old lethal lothario, the suave and debonair Count Dracula has never been played with a steamier glint in his eye than the way soon to be Oscar winner Gary Oldman shone in 1992. Indeed, the plushly elegant period piece of swooning romanticism envisioned by the great Francis Ford Coppola ranks among the all time erotic horror joints. It starts on the pages of Bram Stoker, to be sure, but the seductive elements of the story couldn't not be accentuated to greater effect than the way Coppola depicted it 25 years ago. I mean, never mind Winona Ryder, the ageless wonder who might be a real vampire her damn self, never mind the romantic candlelight and sexy sets, but consider the three brides of Dracula in the film. Monica Bellucci? Micaela Bercu? Florina Kendrick? That's three seductive sirens of the highest order! No wonder Love Never Dies!

#6. ONLY LOVERS LEFT ALIVE (2013)

While I've since come to sort of detest Tom Hiddleston as an actor, for reasons I can't articulate, one of his better turns came opposite Tilda Swinton in Jim Jarmusch's overlooked and underappreciated ONLY LOVERS LEFT ALIVE. Far more of a moody character piece than a plot-heavy thriller, the sense of lovelorn longing and eternal ennui summoned by Jarmusch and the two leads here are nothing less than brilliant. The story centers on a pair of centuries-old vampires who've seen and sensed it all, yet come back together for one last go around. Adding sexy spice to their overlong lives of the dead is the arrival of youngsters played by the always daring Mia Wasikowska and the late Anton Yelchin, who inspire a newfound sense of vital purpose in the immortally aging bloodsuckers. For those who'll opt for a higher artistic expression of romantic horror, ONLY LOVERS LEFT ALIVE is for you!

#5. THE BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN (1933)

Often credited as the first overt horror-comedy, James Whale's THE BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN is also one of the first outright romantic horror yarns as well. Having finally copped a peek at this unholy union a little over a year ago, I can say with the utmost confidence you will not find a more beloved matrimonial monstrosity than this! Not only is the story morbidly perverse - about the mad scientist Dr. Frankenstein hell-bent on matching his patchwork monster with a suitable mate - the inspirational Mary Shelley tale has seen obvious updates in stuff like THE BRIDE OF CHUCKY. It's a wicked wedding that keeps on giving! Props go out to the great Boris Karloff, Valerie Hobson and the Bride herself Elsa Lanchester, of course, but let's not short shrift Colin Clive, who was so wracked by alcoholism that James Whale almost replaced him. Yet, he needed such a hysterical tenor to keep the comedy intact, so Clive was kept on-board.

#4. LET THE RIGHT ONE IN (2008)

Few horror films have ever touched such a profoundly raw, sensitive and intimate nerve the way LET THE RIGHT ONE was able to a decade ago. Indeed, this heartbreaking tale of unrequited prepubescent love is achingly deep, made all the more impressive by the precocious performances of newbies Lina Leandersson and Kare Hedebrant. Swedish director Tomas Alfredson also deserves much kudos for establishing such a quiet, thoughtful, soul-affirming tone throughout the film, and for somehow perfectly blending the brutal with the beautiful. If you missed this one or its solid 2010 American remake LET ME IN, it's the bullying aspect of the movie that incurs the greatest sense of sympathy, but it's the true opposites-attract element of the love story that resonates most once the credits roll. A vampiric little girl slaughtering the bullies who pick on the little boy she loves? Pure poetry!

#3. THE HUNGER (1983)

Ground control to Major Dong! Good god, Bowie was such a pimp he got to bag both Susan Sarandon as well as the regally posh Catherine Deneuve in the late great Tony Scott's theatrical debut THE HUNGER, a movie charged with electric, pulsating sexual chemistry among all involved. I love this flick, and urge all who've not seen it so seek out, stat. The story revolves around a torrid love triangle between an insatiable vamp (Deneuve), her cellist hubby (Bowie) who has less than 24 hours to live, and fairly new gerontologist (Sarandon) who can't help but get entangled in a lusty imbroglio. The sapphic sex scene between Sarandon and Deneuve is alight with palpable sexual tension. As for off-screen, Sarandon admitted only s few years ago she had a real life affair with Bowie on while making the movie. Major Dong scores another!

#2. THE SHAPE OF WATER (2017)

If this is the time for open hearts and clear lines of communication, let me be blunt. THE SHAPE OF WATER made me cry. Nope, no shame have I for this. On the contrary, this is what let's me know del Toro's latest masterwork is a truly great film. And because of this, despite almost awarding CRIMSON PEAK in its stead - an overt Gothic romance - THE SHAPE OF WATER is too gorgeously heart-swelling to forget. That final scene, that final shot, honestly had me choking back tears in the dark. Joyous tears. Sure the film can be seen as a heartfelt amalgamation of BEAUTY AND THE BEAST meets CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON, but even so, I really hope that at bare minimum, the Academy decides to award del Toro with the best director statuette. THE SHAPE OF WATER is not only his best film, it's his biggest love letter and most sincere valentine to cinema in general!

#1. MY BLOODY VALENTINE (1981, 2009)

MY BLOODY VALENTINE, our hearts go out to you! Whether its the superb 1981 independent Canadian slasher whodunit directed by George Michalka or the superlative 2009 remake helmed by Patrick Lussier, let's not kid ourselves, this is the definitive must-see V-Day title! Granted, it's far less romantic than the others on our list, but who cares, the murderous mystery maintained throughout both iterations is too damn masterful to dismiss. Moreover, the kills themselves in the film, both films, are absolutely exquisite, ranking among some of the all time best in the slasher subgenre. Think about that gnarly decapitated dryer scene in the original, or the heart-stuffed heart-shaped box, or the brutally hilarious motel truck stop scene in the '09 redo. Any way you chop it, as far as February 14th is concerned, MY BLOODY VALENTINE will always be #1 with a bullet!

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