No Postal for U.S.

Last Updated on July 27, 2021

After all the ridiculous shit talking Uwe Boll started a while back (check that out HERE), claiming his latest video game adaptation POSTAL was going to kick the crap out of Steven Speilberg’s INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL at the box office, it looks like U.S. theatrical distributors are having the last laugh.

According to BollBashers.com, distributors are boycotting the release of the flick, likely due to it’s extreme subject matter and utter bad taste, so instead of being released on 1,500 screens like originally thought, it will now be released… on 4. In four cities. And that’s it.

Check out Boll’s reaction to the boycott: “Theatrical distributors are boycotting ‘Postal’ because of its political content. We were prepared to open on 1500 screens all across America on May 23rd. Any multiplex in the U.S. should have space for us, but they’re afraid. We have even tried to buy a few screens in New York and Los Angeles, and they won’t let us even rent the theaters! I urge independent exhibitors to contact us and book ‘Postal’! Audiences have been expecting the film and I don’t think exhibitors should censor what gets played in U.S. theaters.”

While I agree on the ‘f*ck censorship’ level, I agree even more with the ‘f*ck Boll’ level of reasoning, and actually find it hilarious that theaters are giving POSTAL the shaft. And just a week before it’s release? That’s just awesome.

Awesome, and just too f*cking convenient for Boll. Here’s my conspiracy theory: since Boll is distributing this bitch himself, I think it’s always been scheduled to play on only 4 screens since day one. Hence the ridiculous claims of beating INDY 4–trying to create hype and controversy over a movie that hardly anyone will see. And here we are, one week before its release, and now distributors are boycotting? Yeah… a little too convenient.

Then again, that’s just my theory. This could totally be legit. Either way, unless you live in New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, Tucson, and Denver (say, that’s more than four screens!), you won’t be seeing POSTAL May 23rd. Here that? That’s the sound of audiences everywhere crying… or is that laughing? Or is that laughing so hard its crying?