Simple, and absolutely definitive of the classic series that made it cool to watch a television show which focused on aliens, monsters and other things that go bump in the night. And you know what else goes bump in the night? For starters, a massively long session of sex between a man of power and his secretary who does much more than type letters. That definitely goes bump, thud and ‘Mmmmm yeah… F*ck me hard…’ as the sun sets and darkness comes down upon us. But what on earth does that have to do with “The X-Files” you ask. Well, quite a bit when you are talking about THE X-FILES: A DARK XXX PARODY. Yep, Scully and Mulder are back, but not quite in the way you’d remember them. And Skinner is there too… DEFINITELY not what your memory would recall. This time, Skinner is getting all sorts of action with his secretary and at one point lets her know that he has his own special X-File, just for her.
I’ve been on a lot of sets, and it is always a unique experience. From IRON MAN 2 to FAST AND FURIOUS, and even LAND OF THE LOST, but nothing could prepare me for this. Ironically, I mean that as a compliment. I’d honestly never been on the set of an adult feature, so I had very little expectations as to what I would be seeing. I figured I’d see sex, and I did, but I didn’t realize the level of professionalism that comes with a cum shot. When I arrived, I was greeted by some of the crew, each one was very kind. They had no problem that a strange man was about to get a peek at a different kind of X-File. And once I stepped onto the set, one of the producers ask if I was comfortable watching a couple having sex. Now, I’ve seen a porno here and there, but there is a difference between seeing it in the privacy of your home or on your computer as opposed to walking into a room and passing a very tall fellow stroking himself, trying to keep it… you know, erect.
CUM ON THE XXX-FILES SET WITH US!
The nature of the beast is simple, porno’s are all about sex and focus on everything leading up to the climax. But for this particular feature, writer/director Sam Hain wanted to do something that is unique in this world, he wanted to create an X-Files episode that would feel like an actual episode. Mr. Hain was a major fan of the series, and with the current crop of “Parody Porn”, why not take on a different tone. It comes off the heels of such parodies of THE OFFICE: A XXX PARODY, SEINFELD: A XXX PARODY and FRIENDS: A XXX PARODY. And the company behind it all is New Sensations. But this particular film has one of the highest budget’s ever for this kind of film, and they are trying to push the boundaries with special effects and a set design that is very close to what the reel life Mulder and Scully would’ve been placed in.
For fans of the series, this particular “episode” would fit somewhere around the 7th Season. The attraction between Scully (Kimberly Kane) and Mulder (Anthony Rosano) is clear, but most of the hardcore sex is devoted to other characters including the previously mentioned Skinner (Rod Fontana) who finds a little support from Arlene (the absolutely lovely Aurora Snow). There is a fun little orgy consisting of hooded figures getting down and dirty in hopes that Lilith (Ashlynn Brooke) will come back from the dead and join the party. That particular scene, I was awaiting to see live and in person, but sadly I didn’t get a chance to be a part of it. I offered my service for a cameo though… maybe next time. With all this wild and crazy XXX action, the script is very clearly inspired by the series and in many ways, could’ve been one of those stand alone episodes that I really dug… although the sex between the two FBI agents would’ve been off-screen… not this time though, as they do find comfort and probably a myriad of other feelings as they finally consummate their relationship.
While I only witnessed a couple of scenes, I have to say the level of respect that they gave to the original series is incredibly cool. From pencils sticking out from the ceiling, and sunflower seeds ready for the snacking, it was clear that there was absolute love going on here. It was wonderful how kind and welcoming the entire cast an crew was, and it was also a pleasure to sit and chat with Aurora about anything and everything from health care to the business of adult entertainment. I feel like I’m gushing a bit, I have to admit that this was one of the most pleasant experiences I’ve had on a set. Sure it took awhile to get used to the hardcore action (although they shot a few scenes “softcore”), but whenever a cast and crew is this welcoming, it makes the job that much more fun.
So if you are a fan of good old fashion hardcore action, or if you just happen to really dig The X-Files and are curious as to how close they get to the series, you’ll be able to check it out yourself upon its release. And this here is a big deal folks, as mentioned, it is one of the highest budgeted adult features ever made. With a decent script and a few special effects thrown in for good measure, this might just be Fox Mulder’s favorite movie ever. For me, I am curious to see the final product and I also happen to be very grateful for the warm reception given to Arrow In The Head… and yes, I just wrote “head”. After all, there was lots of it. Thanks again New Sensation… and remember, next time I want that cameo!
Do you believe? I sure do.