Latest Horror Movie Headlines

Top 10: Asses #2

Jul. 3, 2009by: Matt Withers
After the last Top 10 it only seemed fair to offer some balance and assess some horror asses! Judging from the bullets spit last time ya'll won't be mad at me for doing so. Fair warning, this week's list may be a bit more controversial. Linnea Quigley ain't on it, and sadly, neither is SuperMarcey (though I tried for ya'll. I really did).

The main question with a list like this is simple yet surprisingly complex - what makes a great ass? Curve, amplitude, where the cleft lies are all important considerations. But there's also how a woman works it to keep in mind. Plus the indefinable qualities that take some subpar booty's and lift them above the fray.

You may have figured by this point that I'm a big fan of the back cleavage. Which means I know there's to be no agreement on a list like this. So have fun with it, spit bullets on the butts you think I must be blind to have left off, and don't forget if you're checking this out at work to CYA!!

READ PART 1 OF THIS LIST HERE

WARNING - DELICIOUS KEISTER'S (AND SOME NSFW LINKS) AHEAD!

5. Jill Schoelen, THE STEPFATHER


NSFW examples

CUTTING CLASS, featuring an as yet unknown Brad Pitt, was a great movie for checking out Jill Schoelen's bum in a variety of amusingly exploitive ways. That said, it's hard to top THE STEPFATHER in terms of sheer naked awesomeness for her. Both the situation and the context is choice for us voyeur types. Not one of the better known scream queens overall, but certainly a significant player in any best body collection.

4. Tiffany Shepis, EMBRACE THE DARKNESS 3

Our dear Ms. Shepis has been more than kind in showing us her particularly fine backside over the years. Picking out just one example is like trying to pick out the best Lindt Truffle. Ultimately they're all great. What I like about ETD 3 though, is that Tiffany (billed as Vanessa Lynch) really gets to let her ample sensuality play because the film is more about sex than it is about horror. And her sexy is a powerhouse. Nowhere is that more evident than in this flick. NOTE: Read the newest installment of her AITH column ASK A SCREAM QUEEN here.

3. Salma Hayek, FROM DUSK TIL DAWN

I share StepPapa JoBlo's obsession with this Latino goddess. And if you want the best example of why that is then watch DESPERADO. But in terms of horror, not much can beat the heat of Salma as a vampire queen doing her pre-mass feeding striptease. It's like somebody packed a keg of dynamite and Jagermeister into a little 5'2" package.

2. Jennifer Lopez, THE CELL


Lopez, Lopez, Lopez. Oh how your bountiful backside has haunted my dreams. It's just acres of smooth, hot deliciousness. And what I dig about her butt in this flick is that even though we're going for a more serious approach to horror, they still throw us a bone by having her do work in high cut panties and a nice tight shirt. I'm not saying that most professionals aren't doing their casework like that. I'm just saying thank you to the filmmakers for capturing that moment of realism for us.

1. Jessica Alba, IDLE HANDS

Damn you Devon Sawa, and getting to grab onto probably the most delectable piece of backside real estate this side of Vida Guerra. I watch this scene and my reaction is something along the lines of "Gah, gah, gah, blippidy ya, ya, ahhhhhh." I mean the girl's rocking a perfect hypnotic instrument right at the base of her spine. I can't take my eyes away. Gimme more! I guess while I'm at it I should also say damn you to James Cameron for giving her enough heat through DARK ANGEL that she's never had to give into the pressure to get naked. What an evil man.

A closer look...

ARROW ADDITION: JESSICA BIEL - TCM
 

Arrow sayz: I'd like to toss my top HORROR ASS into the mix; and it belongs to JESSICA BIEL from the TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE remake. Curvaceous, plump and graceful in the way it smoothly bumps up and down when Biel walks; her cheeks have been engraved in my mind (and on my crotch) since I saw them pop up in the first TCM trailer and I have been following that butt's career ever since. NOTE: I met Jessica Biel once - I couldn't wait for her to leave so she'd turn around and I could stare at that bumper. Let me tell ya; it was just as spectacular looking in person as it is onscreen. Viva  the Biel ass!

READ PART 1 OF THIS LIST HERE
Source: AITH

Related Articles

MORE FUN FROM AROUND THE WEB

Spitting Bullets
Not registered? Sign-up!
Or

7:29AM on 07/04/2009
Talk about chops...HHH,HMMM *clears throat*
On another area of concern...

I read Bizzare mag, which is devoted to horror, fetish and all things [link] I found this -

[link]

There may be a god after all...AN ASS GOD!!!
Talk about chops...HHH,HMMM *clears throat*
On another area of concern...

I read Bizzare mag, which is devoted to horror, fetish and all things [link] I found this -

[link]

There may be a god after all...AN ASS GOD!!!
Your Reply:



6:43AM on 07/04/2009
Why thank you very much, always nice to hear :))
Why thank you very much, always nice to hear :))
Your Reply:



4:41AM on 07/04/2009

YOU'VE DONE IT, MATT!!

You totally redeemed yourself with this half of the list, Matt! Every ass in the top 5 is top shelf!! And Supermarcey, I now know who you are and after checking out your photos, please excuse me while I pick MY jaw up from the floor!! Just in case no one has told you in a while, you, SuperMarcey, are HOT!!!
You totally redeemed yourself with this half of the list, Matt! Every ass in the top 5 is top shelf!! And Supermarcey, I now know who you are and after checking out your photos, please excuse me while I pick MY jaw up from the floor!! Just in case no one has told you in a while, you, SuperMarcey, are HOT!!!
Your Reply:



1:52AM on 07/04/2009
Tis a fab list :) the right one made number 1
Tis a fab list :) the right one made number 1
Your Reply:



1:26AM on 07/04/2009

I'M GOOD

I stand by my list, but certainly have much love for Sheri's moon :-)

I stand by my list, but certainly have much love for Sheri's moon :-)

Your Reply:



7:43PM on 07/03/2009
I can't believe anyone can complain about the list...thats wrong! Matt chose 10 very awesome asses! And the pictures provided...have me hypontised honestly...

Sherri Moon would have been good, her last name IS Moon...pictures of her moon hehehe
[link]

&

[link] ">
I can't believe anyone can complain about the list...thats wrong! Matt chose 10 very awesome asses! And the pictures provided...have me hypontised honestly...

Sherri Moon would have been good, her last name IS Moon...pictures of her moon hehehe
[link]

&

[link]
Your Reply:



5:57PM on 07/03/2009

alba

is totally my fav ever, good job! That said, I think arrow is correct we do need a top 100 ass list! Maybe ill throw some thing together and post a link...
is totally my fav ever, good job! That said, I think arrow is correct we do need a top 100 ass list! Maybe ill throw some thing together and post a link...
Your Reply:



+0
4:52PM on 07/03/2009
More asses please... I want more... FEED ME MORE !
More asses please... I want more... FEED ME MORE !
Your Reply:



4:06PM on 07/03/2009

Yup Skullbone!

You mentioned them arm candy bunnies before - with that said - one can never mention Playboy bunnies enough : )
You mentioned them arm candy bunnies before - with that said - one can never mention Playboy bunnies enough : )
Your Reply:



3:58PM on 07/03/2009

The Asses

Yes these Asses are great and...something...hey have I mentioned those Arm Candy Bunnies before Arrow?..Bunny Ass...I have to shut down a moment...
Yes these Asses are great and...something...hey have I mentioned those Arm Candy Bunnies before Arrow?..Bunny Ass...I have to shut down a moment...
Your Reply:



3:55PM on 07/03/2009

Its a Top 10 Beenthere not a top 100...

Its a Top 10 Beenthere not a top 100... there are so many asses one can fit in one ass list. These are the asses Matt chose, its his fav asses...to each his ass man! NOTE: Sheri Moon Zombie does have a fine f*cking ass though... am I gonna say ass again? I guess I just did...
Its a Top 10 Beenthere not a top 100... there are so many asses one can fit in one ass list. These are the asses Matt chose, its his fav asses...to each his ass man! NOTE: Sheri Moon Zombie does have a fine f*cking ass though... am I gonna say ass again? I guess I just did...
Your Reply:



3:38PM on 07/03/2009

The Asses

Yes these Asses are great and...something...hey have I mentioned those Arm Candy Bunnies before Arrow?..Bunny Ass...I have to shut down a moment...
Yes these Asses are great and...something...hey have I mentioned those Arm Candy Bunnies before Arrow?..Bunny Ass...I have to shut down a moment...
Your Reply:



3:38PM on 07/03/2009

This list

Is an embarrassment. I personally think only those asses that was fully exposed must qualify (who knows what is underneath) and that's why Alba shouldn't be here in a first place. But any best horror asses list without Sheri Moon Zombie and her great tease/bare ass is not worth a look at all.
And where foreign actresses: no love for Matilda May's ass in Lifeforce, Bellucci's in Brotherhood of the Wolf, etc.?
Is an embarrassment. I personally think only those asses that was fully exposed must qualify (who knows what is underneath) and that's why Alba shouldn't be here in a first place. But any best horror asses list without Sheri Moon Zombie and her great tease/bare ass is not worth a look at all.
And where foreign actresses: no love for Matilda May's ass in Lifeforce, Bellucci's in Brotherhood of the Wolf, etc.?
Your Reply:



2:48PM on 07/03/2009

I can't stop...

I can't stop... staring at the first pic of heavenly Biel's ass... I am hypnotized...damn!
I can't stop... staring at the first pic of heavenly Biel's ass... I am hypnotized...damn!
Your Reply:



12:19PM on 07/03/2009

YUSTMAN

Tell ya the truth SchottGun, I expected to include Yustman, but as soon as I looked at her stills from the movie (as opposed to the enhanced poster look), I realized chick's got no ass.
Tell ya the truth SchottGun, I expected to include Yustman, but as soon as I looked at her stills from the movie (as opposed to the enhanced poster look), I realized chick's got no ass.
Your Reply:



10:56AM on 07/03/2009

lol awesome

was waiting for biel to turn up... :D
was waiting for biel to turn up... :D
Your Reply:



9:37AM on 07/03/2009

Pretty good

Pretty good list. I'm glad Arrow stepped in with Biel. But I can't believe Odette Yustman from The Unborn didn't make the list. The poster alone (the one with her in her underwear with a spectacular view of her backside) was what made me want to watch that movie. Very Hot!
Pretty good list. I'm glad Arrow stepped in with Biel. But I can't believe Odette Yustman from The Unborn didn't make the list. The poster alone (the one with her in her underwear with a spectacular view of her backside) was what made me want to watch that movie. Very Hot!
Your Reply:



9:32AM on 07/03/2009
Please excuse me while I pick my jaw up off the floor.

Ahhh Ms Biel....
Please excuse me while I pick my jaw up off the floor.

Ahhh Ms Biel....
Your Reply:



Mistress Of The Week

More
Shayk, Irina