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Top 10: Asses #2

07.03.2009by: Matt Withers
After the last Top 10 it only seemed fair to offer some balance and assess some horror asses! Judging from the bullets spit last time ya'll won't be mad at me for doing so. Fair warning, this week's list may be a bit more controversial. Linnea Quigley ain't on it, and sadly, neither is SuperMarcey (though I tried for ya'll. I really did).

The main question with a list like this is simple yet surprisingly complex - what makes a great ass? Curve, amplitude, where the cleft lies are all important considerations. But there's also how a woman works it to keep in mind. Plus the indefinable qualities that take some subpar booty's and lift them above the fray.

You may have figured by this point that I'm a big fan of the back cleavage. Which means I know there's to be no agreement on a list like this. So have fun with it, spit bullets on the butts you think I must be blind to have left off, and don't forget if you're checking this out at work to CYA!!

READ PART 1 OF THIS LIST HERE

WARNING - DELICIOUS KEISTER'S (AND SOME NSFW LINKS) AHEAD!

5. Jill Schoelen, THE STEPFATHER


NSFW examples

CUTTING CLASS, featuring an as yet unknown Brad Pitt, was a great movie for checking out Jill Schoelen's bum in a variety of amusingly exploitive ways. That said, it's hard to top THE STEPFATHER in terms of sheer naked awesomeness for her. Both the situation and the context is choice for us voyeur types. Not one of the better known scream queens overall, but certainly a significant player in any best body collection.

4. Tiffany Shepis, EMBRACE THE DARKNESS 3

Our dear Ms. Shepis has been more than kind in showing us her particularly fine backside over the years. Picking out just one example is like trying to pick out the best Lindt Truffle. Ultimately they're all great. What I like about ETD 3 though, is that Tiffany (billed as Vanessa Lynch) really gets to let her ample sensuality play because the film is more about sex than it is about horror. And her sexy is a powerhouse. Nowhere is that more evident than in this flick. NOTE: Read the newest installment of her AITH column ASK A SCREAM QUEEN here.

3. Salma Hayek, FROM DUSK TIL DAWN

I share StepPapa JoBlo's obsession with this Latino goddess. And if you want the best example of why that is then watch DESPERADO. But in terms of horror, not much can beat the heat of Salma as a vampire queen doing her pre-mass feeding striptease. It's like somebody packed a keg of dynamite and Jagermeister into a little 5'2" package.

2. Jennifer Lopez, THE CELL


Lopez, Lopez, Lopez. Oh how your bountiful backside has haunted my dreams. It's just acres of smooth, hot deliciousness. And what I dig about her butt in this flick is that even though we're going for a more serious approach to horror, they still throw us a bone by having her do work in high cut panties and a nice tight shirt. I'm not saying that most professionals aren't doing their casework like that. I'm just saying thank you to the filmmakers for capturing that moment of realism for us.

1. Jessica Alba, IDLE HANDS

Damn you Devon Sawa, and getting to grab onto probably the most delectable piece of backside real estate this side of Vida Guerra. I watch this scene and my reaction is something along the lines of "Gah, gah, gah, blippidy ya, ya, ahhhhhh." I mean the girl's rocking a perfect hypnotic instrument right at the base of her spine. I can't take my eyes away. Gimme more! I guess while I'm at it I should also say damn you to James Cameron for giving her enough heat through DARK ANGEL that she's never had to give into the pressure to get naked. What an evil man.

A closer look...

ARROW ADDITION: JESSICA BIEL - TCM


 

Arrow sayz: I'd like to toss my top HORROR ASS into the mix; and it belongs to JESSICA BIEL from the TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE remake. Curvaceous, plump and graceful in the way it smoothly bumps up and down when Biel walks; her cheeks have been engraved in my mind (and on my crotch) since I saw them pop up in the first TCM trailer and I have been following that butt's career ever since. NOTE: I met Jessica Biel once - I couldn't wait for her to leave so she'd turn around and I could stare at that bumper. Let me tell ya; it was just as spectacular looking in person as it is onscreen. Viva  the Biel ass!

READ PART 1 OF THIS LIST HERE
Source: AITH

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