The other day, my friends and I were bored out of our minds, and decided to watch the film Men in Black. It was then that I realized how the "neuralizer" from the sci-fi flick would be great to have. It would be awesome to forget all about the bad dates, bad fights, and bad relationships. (Basically I would be wiping out my entire love life!) This started a lengthy discussion about what objects and items in movies we wished were real.
Horror films are full of these cool and unattainable items that horror geeks would sell their soul to the devil to own. Certain fictional objects would be amazing to have as a fanboy/girl, but some actually would be very useful in this world if they were real. Here is my top ten fangirl list of fictional objects (and even creatures) that I think would make this world a far more interesting place to live in if they existed. Spit some bullets for your own suggestions!
WARNING - SOME SPOILERS AHEAD!
5. The Killer Condom-Killer Condom
Although there was no purpose to make this ridiculous movie, (other than for the fact to show how horribly bad it is to your friends) there actually would be a purpose if killer condoms were real. First off, the infidelity rate in relationships and marriage would rapidly decrease. Guys, have you ever heard your lover say, “If I found out you ever cheated on me, I’d cut your d*ck off?” Well if killer condoms existed, the joke would be on you. (*Insert morbid female laughter here*) People afraid of their male partners cheating would be hiding the killer condoms in their lover’s Trojans, and if they tried to cheat, they would learn a very harsh lesson that day. (Lorena Bobbit style!) On a serious note though, I think the world would be a better place if the law made convicted rapists and pedophiles put one of those condoms on when they got paroled to ensure they would stay in line.
4. The Journal-Butterfly Effect
Being able to go back in time through my journal would be very interesting. I wouldn’t dare try to prevent any traumatic events from happening, (for the fear of the huge ripple effect factor) but I would like to change minor details of my life. If I could go back in time, I would never subject myself to watching The Mod Squad in theatres, I would say all the clever retorts I thought of after a fight in the moment, and I would never make that booty call who eventually turned into a stalker. Yes, this would be a VERY helpful tool.
A lot of the time, criminals aren’t brought to justice, and giving this puzzle box to them as a “gift” for all the brutality and violence they brought to others would actually be quite satisfying. Forget street justice! Let the cenobites work their magic!
The glasses-They Live
Being able to don Roddy Piper's glasses from They Live would be pretty sweet. What would make the deal even sweeter is if instead of being able to differentiate the aliens from the humans, everyone would have their own version of glasses that would be able to tell different things apart. For instance, police officers would be able to tell apart the criminals from the innocents. (This would be good if we actually lived in a world where cops were proactive.) Doctors would be able to tell who's sick and with what, so they wouldn't misdiagnose anyone. (Which so many f*cking do!) My glasses however would be able to differentiate for me gay guys from the straight guys when it comes time to choosing a boyfriend. (I have serious troubles in this department.)
I think everybody has wanted one of these since the movie came out over twenty years ago. Gizmo made everyone “ooh and ahh” and repeat the phrase over and over again, "He's just so cute!" As long as no water or bright light hits him, and if you keep him from eating after midnight (three rules everybody has memorized by now) a Mogwai would make the perfect pet!