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Top 10: Land Monsters #1

10.20.2009by: Matt Withers
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When last we spoke we were going over some of the rampant nasties that our planet's ocean depths can serve up for our nightmares. But there's plenty of sick f*ckery going on above the waves too. So this week we'll give some real life land monsters their due.

The really sick thing is that you're far more likely to run into some of these bad boys then any of the ball shrivelers from last week. In fact, have fun the next time you go camping, or into your basement.

And just like with the last list I'm avoiding the more obvious suspects. Sure lions, bears and big cats are all dangerous, but monstrous? Scary? Not really. We'll stick with suckers that have at least an outside chance of staring in a SciFi Channel original movie. Don't forget to spit bullets if you've got something worse to sling our way.

WARNING - PLENTY OF REAL NIGHTMARES BELOW!

10. WETA


Well anything bad ass enough to get Peter Jackson to name a company after almost automatically gains entry on the list. Especially when native New Zealanders call it the God Of Ugly Things. There's also the fact that this family of insects are some or the largest (up to 8"), and heaviest (one specimen weighed more than a sparrow) in the world. Their bite, while not particularly common, is very painful, and comes accompanied with all manner of spikes on their legs that they will use to scratch out your eyes.

9. WOLF SPIDER


Spiders are just eight legged minions of Satan as far as I'm concerned. I've always hated the damn things, and this motherf*cker is the scariest looking damn spider I've ever seen. Sure there are ones that are more venomous like Black Widows and Brown Recluses, but the bite danger doesn't matter because most people would have a heart attack and drop on the spot at the mere sight of this hairy, beady-eyed monstrosity.

8. VAMPIRE BAT


Just like you'd imagine from the name, these mean bastards feed on blood. Cattle blood, goat blood, bird blood, and oh yeah, human blood. They have thermoreceptors in their nose so that they can sense where their prey's blood is closest to the skin, and a component in their saliva called (I'm not making this up) Draculin. It's an anti-coagulant that stops your blood from clotting and screwing up their chow time on your neck. And they like to feed on snoozing animals. Sleep tight.

7. AMAZONIAN GIANT CENTIPEDE


How could a centipede be higher on the list than a blood-eating, nightmare with wings? Because this particular version grows to over a foot long, is toxic to humans, and eats bats. They climb up cave walls, drop down from the ceiling and will catch a bat in midair, poison it, and eat it. Just try to go spelunking with that image in mind.

6. WOLVERINE


Aww, what a cute and cuddly looking....ahh, get it off, GET IT OFF!! Seriously, these seemingly benign, dog sized critters are some of the most vicious fighters in the animal kingdom. They regularly attack or chase off much larger animals, even when out-numbered. They're like a furry Tony Jaa. In fact, one account has a wolverine taking on a black bear. It lost, but still, how you think you're going to come out of a match up with one of these? I'm guessing the main reason they aren't bigger is because nature recognizes that they'd eat the world.

STAY TUNED FOR PART 2!
Source: AITH

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4:35PM on 10/23/2009
Love the list, but that isn't a wolverine. That's a wolf with it's ears pinned back. Granted, that wolf looks pretty pissed.

A buddy of mine used to work at the Lufkin Zoo in Texas, and they had a Gaboon Viper escape. It eluded capture for a week before they found it. He hated going to work that week.
Love the list, but that isn't a wolverine. That's a wolf with it's ears pinned back. Granted, that wolf looks pretty pissed.

A buddy of mine used to work at the Lufkin Zoo in Texas, and they had a Gaboon Viper escape. It eluded capture for a week before they found it. He hated going to work that week.
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9:20AM on 10/21/2009
You are NOT kidding about those wolf spiders. I was walking out of the office bathroom and one was standing right there at the door.....freaked me out. Had to go get my ex in the back and ask him to kill this HUGE spider. He rolled his eyes...untill he saw it! Went and grabbed a metal pole and beat the shit out of it. Freakiest thing I have ever seen....blah!!!
You are NOT kidding about those wolf spiders. I was walking out of the office bathroom and one was standing right there at the door.....freaked me out. Had to go get my ex in the back and ask him to kill this HUGE spider. He rolled his eyes...untill he saw it! Went and grabbed a metal pole and beat the shit out of it. Freakiest thing I have ever seen....blah!!!
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4:46PM on 10/20/2009
Thanks for freaking me out Matt, booo :p
Thanks for freaking me out Matt, booo :p
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11:46PM on 10/20/2009
You got it darlin!
You got it darlin!
2:16PM on 10/20/2009

Top 5 is much worse

I can promise you all that the Top 5 are significantly worse than anything seen so far.
I can promise you all that the Top 5 are significantly worse than anything seen so far.
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2:12PM on 10/20/2009
Wolverines rule!
Wolverines rule!
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1:48PM on 10/20/2009
Oh my God! I officially hate this list! Thanks to contributing to my fear of spiders and big bugs! :)

It is a good one, but I'd hate to see what's scary enough to beat out those!
Oh my God! I officially hate this list! Thanks to contributing to my fear of spiders and big bugs! :)

It is a good one, but I'd hate to see what's scary enough to beat out those!
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1:24PM on 10/20/2009
Gaaah! I had to read this list with one eye covered! I hate bugs I hate bugs I hate bugs ...
Gaaah! I had to read this list with one eye covered! I hate bugs I hate bugs I hate bugs ...
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6:43AM on 10/20/2009
Great list, again! Often, scariest monsters are real... Another good one (or scary) would be camel spider:

[link]

Yeah, nice, eh?
Great list, again! Often, scariest monsters are real... Another good one (or scary) would be camel spider:

[link]

Yeah, nice, eh?
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