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Yo Hollywood! My ideal Friday the 13th Part 2 reboot! Pay attention! #2

Dec. 16, 2010by: The Arrow
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Yo Hollywood! My ideal Friday the 13th Part 2 reboot!

READ PART 1 OF THIS PIECE HERE!

The state of the FRIDAY THE 13TH sequel is up in the air at the moment. In April of 2010 we got word that the sequel would not be happening and then in November of 2010 we heard that the sequel MAY BE in the works but without Platinum Dunes (who produced the remake) behind it. No concrete info about the film has surfaced since and ya know what? I'm not worried. Why? Cause there's always gonna be room for Jason Voorhees on the big screen. If produced smartly; the films can be made for little money, with no name stars and recoup big. The brand name is that strong IMO. So FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 2? I expect to tackle you down the road and make you cry bitch sooner or later.

But before it goes down; I wanted to toss in my 3 cents into the mix. I'm a huge Voorhees fan; the franchise is one of my favs of the lot and although the reboot had some positive elements tagged to it (Julianna Gill and her ta-tas were the main ones); lots of shit could've been done better. So here's what I WANT from the upcoming FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 2 REDUX. Agree, disagree, all good; give me your take below! Its on!

WHAT NOT TO DO!

SCREW THE ORIGIN; LEAVE THE BAGGAGE AT HOME: Much like Superman and Batman, anybody that is going to see a Friday the 13th movie at this point knows who Jason is, where he comes from and why his Mommy is such a beeyatch; either via the original franchise or the reboot. So with this part 2; spare me the extended look back at retard baby Jason, him drowning, his mother busting chops, bla, bla, bla cause I know the drill and I don't need to go through it again; just get on with the goods already. Ya wanna take a minute to recap the audience as to his roots? Sure; I can live with that. You wanna take more than a minute or make his background integral to the plot? NO!

PACING, KEEP IT TIGHT:  Not sure if I was alone in feeling this; but when I tackled the FRIDAY THE 13TH remake; the first 15 minutes were dope in terms of pacing and kills but after that, the whole thing took on a snail pace; focusing WAY TOO MUCH on the situation and the character interaction for its own good. Its a FRIDAY THE 13TH movie man, its a slasher, its sex and death. I don't require the premise or the human cattle to be overly set up or/and explored; all I crave is this: 20 minutes of set up/establishing of peeps, shit hits the fan, 50 minutes of sex and slaughter; 15 to 20 minutes of conclusion. Stick to that and I'll be a happy Crystal Lake camper.

KEEP THE GRATING CHARACTERS OUT OF THERE: Of all the FRIDAY THE 13TH movies; the remake had the most annoying characters of the lot for me. Young adults with MORON stamped on their foreheads, acting like f*cking infants and a token black guy being...well... a token black guy. I don't mind stereotypes in these sorts of films; the jock, the slut, the virgin, the black dude, the geek and hey why not slap in a gay dude? Its all good. But keep the overly childish shit out of there, try to make the victims somewhat sympathetic (would help up the suspense ratio) and have a black guy that actually acts like a real black guy not a white guy's interpretation of a black guy. All that to stab; get a writer IN TUNE with the times (like John Fallon); one that KNOWS the age range and ethnicity he's writing about beyond having jerked off to teen porn and having watched 90210 on TV.

KEEP JASON SIMPLE: If it's not broken, don't fix it. There are two Jason's in my Necronomicon; 1- The human retard, psychotic, mommy's boy. 2- The unstoppable, un-dead and mucho pissed off Jason. The remake took it further. It had Jason kind of have a crush on one of his victims which he eventually took hostage (?!?). He also set up traps, spotlights etc. Es tu Voorhees? Nope. Felt more like Wolf Creek killer meets Leatherface to me; not pure Jason. So spare me the "update" for the impending sequel; I don't want it, don't need it and you can shove it. Jason Voorhees is an unstoppable killing machine; plain and simple. He lives in Crystal Lake; its his turf; if peeps step in; he f*cks them up. END OF STORY! No traps, no Beauty and the Beast subtext...KILL, KILL, KILL.

NOT A MUST; BUT IT WOULD BE GROOVY: Remember when ALICE COOPER did two songs for FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 6? "Teenage Frankenstein" and "He's Back (The Man Behind the Mask)"? I'd like to see that go down for the new FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 2. I mean if Linkin Park can create ditties for the TRANSFORMERS franchise; bands like METALLICA, DISTURBED or even IRON MAIDEN could and SHOULD create and put out a song/music video for FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 2. I know Jason and I would be happy about it. Something to keep in mind.

Am done! That's what I want out of the next FRIDAY THE 13TH movie. Question is; what the f*ck do YOU want? Spit them bullets below and let us and Hollywood know! Kill, Kill, Kill, Ma, Ma, Ma forever bitches!

READ PART 1 OF THIS PIECE HERE!

GET THE FRIDAY THE 13TH DVD BOX SET (PART 1 TO 8) HERE
GET THE JASON GOES TO HELL DVD HERE
GET FREDDY VS JASON DVD HERE
GET FREDDY VS JASON BLU RAY HERE
GET THE FRIDAY THE 13TH REMAKE ON DVD HERE
GET THE FRIDAY THE 13TH REMAKE ON BLU RAY HERE

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10:08AM on 12/16/2010
I like yr attitude abt the origins-I'm wore out with the whole origin thing-the FT13th audience like superhero fans know the background-now advance the story! Good call on the "morons" in the films-a little of their shenanigans goes a long way. I think for a finale in a part 2 film,an attack on Jason by-a bear or bears?! or wolves or? whatever? a Yeti! now how awesome would that be? something we've never seen take him on in a way that poses REAL threat to his life.(in current series standards).
I like yr attitude abt the origins-I'm wore out with the whole origin thing-the FT13th audience like superhero fans know the background-now advance the story! Good call on the "morons" in the films-a little of their shenanigans goes a long way. I think for a finale in a part 2 film,an attack on Jason by-a bear or bears?! or wolves or? whatever? a Yeti! now how awesome would that be? something we've never seen take him on in a way that poses REAL threat to his life.(in current series standards). I like yr vision for a possible installment.
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12:14AM on 12/16/2010
Love this, man! I wish Hollywood would listen to you (or any of us for that matter)

Especially love the last part. Cool theme song, like you said isn't necessary but just damn cool! I was a little underwhelmed with the selection in the remake, except for Sister Christian (which was a WTF moment, but a cool WTF moment) and The Vines, but otherwise, meh.

Has anyone here heard of the band One Man Army and The Undead Quartet? They do an awesome cover of Cooper's "He's Back (The Man Behind The
Love this, man! I wish Hollywood would listen to you (or any of us for that matter)

Especially love the last part. Cool theme song, like you said isn't necessary but just damn cool! I was a little underwhelmed with the selection in the remake, except for Sister Christian (which was a WTF moment, but a cool WTF moment) and The Vines, but otherwise, meh.

Has anyone here heard of the band One Man Army and The Undead Quartet? They do an awesome cover of Cooper's "He's Back (The Man Behind The Mask)" which would make my day if they included that in the next movie.
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12:03AM on 12/16/2010
can i just get some dang camp counselors?
can i just get some dang camp counselors?
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9:57PM on 12/15/2010
I think there's a reason why everyone seems to agree with you Arrow. You have great tastes, and you know what you want in a Jason movie. You know how to do it, and you know what to put in it and you know what to leave out of it. You're a true fanboy, plain and simple, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. I'm right with you on everything that you said. Friday the 13th is my favorite of the big slasher franchises as well. I hereby nominate you for the director of Friday the 13th
I think there's a reason why everyone seems to agree with you Arrow. You have great tastes, and you know what you want in a Jason movie. You know how to do it, and you know what to put in it and you know what to leave out of it. You're a true fanboy, plain and simple, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. I'm right with you on everything that you said. Friday the 13th is my favorite of the big slasher franchises as well. I hereby nominate you for the director of Friday the 13th part 13! It was one of the few remakes that I saw in theatres, and while I wasn't disappointed, it didn't live up to my expectations. It was average, plain and simple. That's why I waited to buy it on dvd until I was seeing it in used stores for a reasonable price, around $6. Worth the money to me.
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9:29PM on 12/15/2010
Let's not forget how Voorhees was suddenly a dope pusher in the remake. He whacked dude in the opening when he found the green, had massive grow lamps (apparently paying electric bills as well), killed that other redneck perv who was peddling dope (i.e. ridding your competition). That shit was absurd. And yeah, I hated the whole hostage scenario...wtf was that???
Let's not forget how Voorhees was suddenly a dope pusher in the remake. He whacked dude in the opening when he found the green, had massive grow lamps (apparently paying electric bills as well), killed that other redneck perv who was peddling dope (i.e. ridding your competition). That shit was absurd. And yeah, I hated the whole hostage scenario...wtf was that???
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7:26PM on 12/15/2010
Yeah, I'm very much agree on keep the grating characters out of the movie. I understand there needs to be some sort of distraction oor comedic relief but they were very annoying. Apart from that, the remake was better than I expected.
Yeah, I'm very much agree on keep the grating characters out of the movie. I understand there needs to be some sort of distraction oor comedic relief but they were very annoying. Apart from that, the remake was better than I expected.
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6:39PM on 12/15/2010
I really enjoyed this movie which is why i own it, but i do like a lot of the things you said. The only likable character was the guy from super natural. The acting was bad and i thought he first twenty minutes was brilliant how they set it up, but like you said down hill from there. Cool kills, hot girls, slick camera work imo, so it still worked for me. Also would like them to get with a metal band to do some songs but maybe a little harder like unearth or lamb of god.
I really enjoyed this movie which is why i own it, but i do like a lot of the things you said. The only likable character was the guy from super natural. The acting was bad and i thought he first twenty minutes was brilliant how they set it up, but like you said down hill from there. Cool kills, hot girls, slick camera work imo, so it still worked for me. Also would like them to get with a metal band to do some songs but maybe a little harder like unearth or lamb of god.
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3:51PM on 12/15/2010
"...when I tackled the FRIDAY THE 13TH remake; the first 15 minutes were dope in terms of pacing and kills but after that, the whole thing took on a snail pace..."

oh man, this. during the opening sequence i actually thought to myself "holy shit. i might like a Platinum Dunes movie. whaaaat?!" then they totes blew it. keep that pace up for the entire movie and you have such an epic win. you hear me Hollywood?! win!
"...when I tackled the FRIDAY THE 13TH remake; the first 15 minutes were dope in terms of pacing and kills but after that, the whole thing took on a snail pace..."

oh man, this. during the opening sequence i actually thought to myself "holy shit. i might like a Platinum Dunes movie. whaaaat?!" then they totes blew it. keep that pace up for the entire movie and you have such an epic win. you hear me Hollywood?! win!
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2:40PM on 12/15/2010
I want pretty much what YOU want (although I'd rather it be Friday the 13th Part 12 rather than Part 2), but you hit really hit the nail on the head.
I want pretty much what YOU want (although I'd rather it be Friday the 13th Part 12 rather than Part 2), but you hit really hit the nail on the head.
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