Yo Hollywood! My ideal Friday the 13th Part 2 reboot! Pay attention! #2

Last Updated on August 5, 2021

Yo Hollywood! My ideal Friday the 13th Part 2 reboot!

The state of the FRIDAY THE 13TH sequel is up in the air at the moment. In April of 2010 we got word that the sequel would not be happening and then in November of 2010 we heard that the sequel MAY BE in the works but without Platinum Dunes (who produced the remake) behind it. No concrete info about the film has surfaced since and ya know what? I’m not worried. Why? Cause there’s always gonna be room for Jason Voorhees on the big screen. If produced smartly; the films can be made for little money, with no name stars and recoup big. The brand name is that strong IMO. So FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 2? I expect to tackle you down the road and make you cry bitch sooner or later.

But before it goes down; I wanted to toss in my 3 cents into the mix. I’m a huge Voorhees fan; the franchise is one of my favs of the lot and although the reboot had some positive elements tagged to it (Julianna Gill and her ta-tas were the main ones); lots of shit could’ve been done better. So here’s what I WANT from the upcoming FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 2 REDUX. Agree, disagree, all good; give me your take below! Its on!

WHAT NOT TO DO!

SCREW THE ORIGIN; LEAVE THE BAGGAGE AT HOME: Much like Superman and Batman, anybody that is going to see a Friday the 13th movie at this point knows who Jason is, where he comes from and why his Mommy is such a beeyatch; either via the original franchise or the reboot. So with this part 2; spare me the extended look back at retard baby Jason, him drowning, his mother busting chops, bla, bla, bla cause I know the drill and I don’t need to go through it again; just get on with the goods already. Ya wanna take a minute to recap the audience as to his roots? Sure; I can live with that. You wanna take more than a minute or make his background integral to the plot? NO!

PACING, KEEP IT TIGHT: Not sure if I was alone in feeling this; but when I tackled the FRIDAY THE 13TH remake; the first 15 minutes were dope in terms of pacing and kills but after that, the whole thing took on a snail pace; focusing WAY TOO MUCH on the situation and the character interaction for its own good. Its a FRIDAY THE 13TH movie man, its a slasher, its sex and death. I don’t require the premise or the human cattle to be overly set up or/and explored; all I crave is this: 20 minutes of set up/establishing of peeps, shit hits the fan, 50 minutes of sex and slaughter; 15 to 20 minutes of conclusion. Stick to that and I’ll be a happy Crystal Lake camper.

KEEP THE GRATING CHARACTERS OUT OF THERE: Of all the FRIDAY THE 13TH movies; the remake had the most annoying characters of the lot for me. Young adults with MORON stamped on their foreheads, acting like f*cking infants and a token black guy being…well… a token black guy. I don’t mind stereotypes in these sorts of films; the jock, the slut, the virgin, the black dude, the geek and hey why not slap in a gay dude? Its all good. But keep the overly childish shit out of there, try to make the victims somewhat sympathetic (would help up the suspense ratio) and have a black guy that actually acts like a real black guy not a white guy’s interpretation of a black guy. All that to stab; get a writer IN TUNE with the times (like John Fallon); one that KNOWS the age range and ethnicity he’s writing about beyond having jerked off to teen porn and having watched 90210 on TV.

KEEP JASON SIMPLE: If it’s not broken, don’t fix it. There are two Jason’s in my Necronomicon; 1- The human retard, psychotic, mommy’s boy. 2- The unstoppable, un-dead and mucho pissed off Jason. The remake took it further. It had Jason kind of have a crush on one of his victims which he eventually took hostage (?!?). He also set up traps, spotlights etc. Es tu Voorhees? Nope. Felt more like Wolf Creek killer meets Leatherface to me; not pure Jason. So spare me the “update” for the impending sequel; I don’t want it, don’t need it and you can shove it. Jason Voorhees is an unstoppable killing machine; plain and simple. He lives in Crystal Lake; its his turf; if peeps step in; he f*cks them up. END OF STORY! No traps, no Beauty and the Beast subtext…KILL, KILL, KILL.

NOT A MUST; BUT IT WOULD BE GROOVY: Remember when ALICE COOPER did two songs for FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 6? “Teenage Frankenstein” and “He’s Back (The Man Behind the Mask)”? I’d like to see that go down for the new FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 2. I mean if Linkin Park can create ditties for the TRANSFORMERS franchise; bands like METALLICA, DISTURBED or even IRON MAIDEN could and SHOULD create and put out a song/music video for FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 2. I know Jason and I would be happy about it. Something to keep in mind.

Am done! That’s what I want out of the next FRIDAY THE 13TH movie. Question is; what the f*ck do YOU want? Spit them bullets below and let us and Hollywood know! Kill, Kill, Kill, Ma, Ma, Ma forever bitches!

READ PART 1 OF THIS PIECE HERE!

GET THE FRIDAY THE 13TH DVD BOX SET (PART 1 TO 8) HERE
GET THE JASON GOES TO HELL DVD HERE
GET FREDDY VS JASON DVD HERE
GET FREDDY VS JASON BLU RAY HERE
GET THE FRIDAY THE 13TH REMAKE ON DVD HERE
GET THE FRIDAY THE 13TH REMAKE ON BLU RAY HERE