Two “hip” (I use that term loosely) couples wind up trapped (I also use that terms loosely) in a Hotel of the dead…in Mexico…on All Souls Day… ARIBA!
Life is a mysterious adventure and everyday I discover something new about it.
For example, have you ever noticed that when a chick walks down the street, her left butt cheek will more often than none raise higher than the right? It’s a hip thing, maybe connected with having to Pez-Dispense kids…will let you know when I’ve fully figured
that enigma. Now, while viewing the upcoming All Souls Day (premiering soon on the The SciFi channel) at the 2005
Cannes Film Festival
, I discovered all kinds of new things on life and horror in general. I feel like sharing
my new found knowledge. Here we go!
-Colorful and flaming shirts that male leads wear can easily overshadow those same
male leads! The shirts go on to become the characters!
-Witnessing a gored up room and a ghostly apparition in a mirror is not enough of an incentive to
a haunted hotel.
- A broken down car means that you can’t walk to the next town or the next
state for that matter…you HAVE TO
stay in that haunted Hotel.
- Put Ellie Cornell
and Jeffrey Combs
together for 10 minutes of screen time and you get an Arrow TRANSFIXED to the screen…I said TRANSFIXED man! GREAT ACTORS!
-Old women that spit and screech 24/7 are VERY annoying!
- David Keith
IS the most underrated actor in the film industry today. God I love that dude!
- Laura Harring can walk around a room with a candle in her hand while looking stoic for an hour and half and still get paid SAG minimum. WOW!
-Laura Harring can co-star in a movie without dropping her top…what???...that
one was a hard lesson to learn . NOTE TO SELF:
Rent Mulholland Drive
-Today’s teens are NOT fazed by flesh craving Zombies for shite! They’ll actually go as far as to try to reason with them…bugh.
-Zombies love to walk around in circles in front of a house like cattle
to signify that they want in! LOL! I guess that’s Zombie “sign language”!
-A crowd of Zombie outside, wanting to get inside a house will never think of piling up on the door to open it yet alone just kick the damn door down. I could’ve opened that door by spitting on it. COME ON!
-When giving cover to your lover with a handgun, don’t shoot the Zombies that are in his way, empty a clip in the sky instead! I guess she was hoping that the bullets would land on the
-When a horror film realizes its not “horrific”, the safe bet is to then it shift into “comedy” mode,
hence making for an awkward shift in tone…didn’t work for me!
-Every Valley Girl is at heart a “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”, all it takes is a couple of Zombies
popping up and watch the back flipping and Kung-Fuing kick in out of left
field! I didn’t buy it!
-Mircea Monroe looks amazing with clothes on and could cause World War 3 with
clothes off. Damn! You see that gal??? God broke the mold after her!
-When a white man talks to his black friend on the phone, he suddenly, out of the freaking blue transforms into a straight out of Englewood,
-Danny Trejo is one of the most compelling men to have ever walked the face of our wretched earth.
So that’s what I learned! I'm a better man for it! Hope it helped you out! All in all, All Souls Day was a harmless time waster, it moved fast, sported a couple of genre favs and when I wasn’t laughing at it, I was laughing at it some more. Scary? No. Horrific? Far from it! Entertaining cause it’s as
silly as Pamela Anderson looking for her career in yet another man’s
trousers? YES! Bend this one over and teach it a lesson it won’t soon forget!
We get a severed tongue on a knife, some stabbings, a nasty bite in the face (Nice one!) gun shot wounds, nifty Zombie makeup and a body ripped apart (nice…again). The fly effects were made by “Almost Human”.
Marisa Ramirez (Alicia) was drop dead gorgeous and had the acting chops to back them up. She's gonna go places! Jeffrey Combs (Thomas) and Ellie Cornell (Sarah) were captivating as the “Leave it to Beaver” like 50’s” couple. I couldn’t get enough of them, especially Combs who was at his “offbeat” best! Too bad the film wasn’t about them.
Laura Harring (Martia) walked around in a low cut dress with phallic (only to me) candle. GREAT ACTING! Laz Alonso (Tyler) was solid all, around, another one that should go far in the biz. David Keith is the man! His “pussy” monologue had me grinning from ear to toe! GIVE THE DUDE MORE PARTS! Danny Trejo (Vargas) had a flamboyant part and he ran with it. Good stuff dude! Its not that Travis Wester (Joss) wasn’t good, his delivery was very credible and he nailed the part. It’s just that his “cocky motor mouth” role didn’t do it for me, is all!
You know those types of tit shots where the camera is at a sneaky angle where for a split second you see a nipple and the shape of the tit but never the whole tit? Well we get one of those here! What’s the point? Either show me tits or don’t! Don’t jerk me around! What a waste of Mircea Monroe…one HELL of a swell looking lady! She’s a work of art on two legs!
I adored Jeremy Kasten’s visual style in The Attic Expedition. He’s actually the reason I wanted to see this film! Sadly I was disappointed here. Granted he gave me a serviceable show that livened up every time an action sequence would kick in, but I expected more from the lad on a visual standpoint.
All Souls Day was the type of genre snack that you tackle WHILE doing something else at the same time. It was never engaging enough to warrant my full attention but at the same time it was never boring to the point of me wanting to kill my TV. I recommend drinking booze, getting a head job, clipping your toe nails or doing your accounting while watching this one…nobody gets hurt, everybody is productive and the film will go down like Kaluha on a warm Russian Bride.
The flick was written by Mark Altman who had a hand in writing House of the Dead.