ARROW IN THE HEAD REVIEWS

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AVP Requiem (2007)
Written by: The Arrow
Director: Colin Strause & Greg Strause

Starring:
Steven Pasquale/Dallas
Reiko Aylesworth/Kelly
Kristen Hager/Jesse
John Ortiz/Morales
PLOT-CRUNCH
A hybrid Alien/Predator creature causes a Predator ship to crash in a small Colorado hick town. Some Aliens are set loose and they wind up doing what they do best (reproduce and bust balls) while a Predator warrior drops in to clean up the mess. It's up to a horde of "I Know What You Did Last Summer" rejects to save the day... I can't believe I just wrote that... am I talking about ALIENS and PREDATOR here? Wouldn't know!
THE LOWDOWN
I enjoyed some of the original AVP (I now, I'm in the minority... story of my life). Although the flick went about it all wrong by trying to be ALIEN with shoddy dialogue/characters when it should’ve been “pow-pow” inclined ALIENS like, I still dug some of its ideas, action and visuals. After seeing the AVP 2 trailer and hearing the Brothers Krause yap about their picture, I was mucho pumped for this sequel, fairly confident that these dudes knew what they were talking about and that they would give both of these legendary film monsters justice within one film. Boy was I wrong!

AVP REQUIEM made AVP look like a freaking classic! Bold statement I know but I stand by it with every fiber of my moronic being. This follow up started on the right tail impaling, slyly launching its story immediately where AVP left off. It gave me a promising set up while showcasing a ballsy “take no prisoners” attitude. Fifteen minutes in though, it was all downhill from there. Did the peeps behind this insult even watch the PREDATOR and ALIEN movies? I know they did, due to the countless cutesy winks to both franchises throughout via audio/visual cue or lines of dialogue. Sadly they obviously didn’t get what made both franchises work: superior writing and characterization within B-Movie-ish premises. That’s why these films worked! They were down and dirty monster movies but with more smarts than you can shake an Oscar at, people you cared about, stories that hooked you in and larger than my crotch budgets!

So I nearly vomited in my own mouth when I found out that the “foes” for the Aliens and the Predator were a group of stereotypical, "yamn" teens right out of any 90’s slasher. I then DID hurl down my own yapper when the paper thin characterization, the “Teen Beat” dialogue/conflicts, the out of the mold storyline and the strawberry ice cream relationships kicked in. Who the fuck thought that having the ALIENS and the PREDATOR kick ass and take names in a "souless" DAWSON’S CREEK like setting would be a good idea? Talk about demeaning two legendary cinematic entities without flinching. WOW! Embarrassing! I didn’t think you could stoop this low when it came to mis-using these classic beasties, but  behold this film did it in a heart beat. ALIENS wrestling an “Evil Jock”? WHAAAAT? A Predator tackling a “Token Slut”? ?????? WTF is going here? We went from Sigourney Weaver and Arnie to this! Bottom of the f*cking barrel drivel! COME ON! Both franchises deserve better than that.

So, with zero investment in the characters (Boy did that cop dude suck balls or what?), by the numbers situations and relationships that left me with the action scenes to hold on to. Alas, unless overly dark, shaky cam heavy and fairly “meh” staged action get-downs talks to ya, you’re shit all out of luck much like I was, when i was wasting away in that theatre seat like Paris Hilton without a rod to suckle on. Nothing to see here! MOVE ON! Dismissive was the word and Arrow Sucks were the other words. Now I’ll give the film this; when I saw them, the Predator and Alien designs were pretty bang on, the gorgeous aerial shots tight, the money was onscreen and I did get random kicks out of a couple of the gory gags/Predator moments, but other than that, nobody was home to bang MY MOM! Tag to that plot holes galore, a boring use of the "alien" creatures and a failure in capitalizing on its new unique environment (earth that is… wouldn’t know it was set there though) and you get a stinker that stinks more that a 2 week old, unwashed twat, that's cottage cheesing on your carpet.

Looking back at my AVP 2 experience, my whole sit down was a freaking chore. I just kept hoping the film would end so I could go on with my pathetic day already! Shit characters, shit action, shit story… that’s a lot of excrements to digest in one sitting. Big let down for me! I really thought this one was going to do this fly concept right. WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! F*ck AVP 2! A dumbed down, gooey spit on two superior horror/sci-fi series.
GORE
We get half an arm lopped off, a face melted off, chest bursting action, blown up heads, stabbings and lots of aliens getting butchered. I think the PG-13 AVP was gorier!
ACTING

NOTE: The characterization was so poor here that i have a hard time blaming the actors. Steven Pasquale (Dallas) did fine as the no-bull guy. Kristen Hager (Jesse) looked so damn hot and that's all I cared about. Johnny Lewis (Ricky) did what he could with what he was was given. Reiko Aylesworth (Kelly) made for a poor Ripley knock-off, not her fault, the whipe your ass script didn't work in her favor. John Ortiz (Morales) didn't sell me, to be fair the inane characterization and tacky lines he was stuck with didn't help.

T & A
The closest we get is Kristen Hager (Jesse) in a tiny bathing suit... too bad the top didn't drop, better than nothing I guess. That dame is hot! Arrow approved!
DIRECTING
The Strause Bros did okay when it came to atmosphere and eye popping aerial shots - tension was nil though, their actions scenes were flatter than Joan Jett and mucho unmemorable - no good since this flick is well... driven by action!
SOUNDTRACK
The score by Brian Tyler did a fine job at referencing both the ALIEN and PREDATOR token soundtracks - too bad it was in a lousy movie.
BOTTOM LINE
I went in AVP 2, AVP REQUIEM, AVP SELL–OUT…whatever you want to call it, WANTING to dig it. I wound up hating it with a f*cking passion. Sure the special effects were on the ball and the winks to both franchises endearing now and again, but the sad-sack stock characters, the bland storyline and the shoddy action scenes were laughable at best. They dragged both superior series in the gutter, lowering them to kiddie level. Is it so hard to do this match-up right? It’s not a Chinese puzzle over here! Slap ALIENS and PREDATORS in a compelling setting, pit them against layered/likeable human foes within an INTELLIGENT script and let the sparks fly! It's one, two, three, fun! Alas, they didn’t get it right with AVP and they made utter fools of themselves with AVP 2. Time to watch ALIENS and PREDATOR again to wash away the filth that was this movie off my noggin. AVP Requiem can kiss my white ass!
BULL'S EYE
The film was shot in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada.

This was the Brothers Strause first feature film.

You notice that the shot of Reiko Aylesworth firing that big mounted gun in the trailer is not in the film?

Shane Salerno who wrote the screenplay also wrote the SHAFT remake and the totally unnessary upcoming remake of the Charles Bronson classic The Mechanic

FUCK THE AVP REQUIEM SITE UP THE ASS HERE

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7:21PM on 06/04/2012

BANG ON

A bang on review. This is the worst and most disgraceful entry into both franchises. And as it stands, it is one of the absolute worst shot and directed films I have ever, a-hem, "seen". It's so freaking dark, the camera won't stop shaking like an epileptic at a strobe light convention, and the editing is so fast and jarring that it is IMPOSSIBLE to SEE anything. AT ALL. This movie is a joke, and it ruined my Christmas too.
A bang on review. This is the worst and most disgraceful entry into both franchises. And as it stands, it is one of the absolute worst shot and directed films I have ever, a-hem, "seen". It's so freaking dark, the camera won't stop shaking like an epileptic at a strobe light convention, and the editing is so fast and jarring that it is IMPOSSIBLE to SEE anything. AT ALL. This movie is a joke, and it ruined my Christmas too.
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10:25AM on 01/22/2009
They turned AVP and went away from actual story to turn this one into a slasher. No where near as good as the first. This one was disappointing.
They turned AVP and went away from actual story to turn this one into a slasher. No where near as good as the first. This one was disappointing.
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+1
6:58PM on 09/05/2008

ive seen it before!

everything in this movie is stolen and i mean everything! the most was stolen from 2 movies! movie 1: Aliens Movie 2: Resident evil: apocalypse! this movie felt like watching resident evil apocalypse on mute and hearing the dialog of aliens with the screen off. even the end was stolen one on one from resident evil 2 not a damn different. my 2 advices to the makers of this pos: 1: shoot yourself in the face! and 2: stealing your shit from better movies doesnt make your movie an piece of art
everything in this movie is stolen and i mean everything! the most was stolen from 2 movies! movie 1: Aliens Movie 2: Resident evil: apocalypse! this movie felt like watching resident evil apocalypse on mute and hearing the dialog of aliens with the screen off. even the end was stolen one on one from resident evil 2 not a damn different. my 2 advices to the makers of this pos: 1: shoot yourself in the face! and 2: stealing your shit from better movies doesnt make your movie an piece of art to go down in the history books
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10:58AM on 01/09/2008
I have to go with the Arrow bashers on this one. I mean I've been a huge fan for years, but ever since Land of the Dead have I started to notice that some of the reviews are not that spot on anymore.

AvP2, I thought was very well done. It actually continued from the first one, which I feel was quite possibly one of the worst movies ever. Right off the bat they unleash hell upon a father and his son...BADASS! Second they show you all the teen characters, and how useless they are because they
I have to go with the Arrow bashers on this one. I mean I've been a huge fan for years, but ever since Land of the Dead have I started to notice that some of the reviews are not that spot on anymore.

AvP2, I thought was very well done. It actually continued from the first one, which I feel was quite possibly one of the worst movies ever. Right off the bat they unleash hell upon a father and his son...BADASS! Second they show you all the teen characters, and how useless they are because they are all going to die. Come on, even in the trailer they basically show every teenager dying. The movie is AvP, not AvPvT.

Yes, there was cheese in the whole 80's slasher/80's monster feature sort of way, but all of it blended together to create a fun holiday treat. One of those movies you get drunk with your buddies and sit down to watch. Definitely better than the first one! I liked Predator 2, and I didn't think Alien 3 was as bad as people made it out to be. Watching it again, I kind of have a soft spot for it (especially since it was David Fincher), but this movie DOES blow Alien Ressurection clear out of the water.

I still love you Arrow, and I'll always come to your site, read your reviews, and enjoy every moment of them. I must say though, that AvP2 was one awesome ride!
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6:51PM on 01/03/2008

Hell YEAH!!!

Never gonna trust a Arrow review again.

Yes the movie was kinda stupid, but it was entertaining as hell!!!
It reminded me so much of those 80:s "Monsters VS smalltown" movies like the 1988 version of The Blob, wich I REALLY love.
And the Violence almost gave me a hard-on ;)

And to you people who hate this movie: What the HELL did you expect from an Aliens VS Predator movie??? Gone With the Wind???

THIS is what Alien 4 should have been like.

Give me AVP3 NOW!!!!!! :D
Never gonna trust a Arrow review again.

Yes the movie was kinda stupid, but it was entertaining as hell!!!
It reminded me so much of those 80:s "Monsters VS smalltown" movies like the 1988 version of The Blob, wich I REALLY love.
And the Violence almost gave me a hard-on ;)

And to you people who hate this movie: What the HELL did you expect from an Aliens VS Predator movie??? Gone With the Wind???

THIS is what Alien 4 should have been like.

Give me AVP3 NOW!!!!!! :D
Your Reply:



-1
2:43PM on 01/03/2008

What Movie Are You Folks Watching???

Arrow,

I HAD to register for joblo just to respond to this review. I am as grateful that I ignored the reviews for this flick as I am about us all being able to enjoy flicks on different levels. Your reviews are bang-on at least 90% of the time in my useless opinion but this is one of few that I disagree with the most (I will get to Red Dragon at another time).

I will only address the major disagreements that I have with many ...

- If these teen clowns were considered 'foes' they
Arrow,

I HAD to register for joblo just to respond to this review. I am as grateful that I ignored the reviews for this flick as I am about us all being able to enjoy flicks on different levels. Your reviews are bang-on at least 90% of the time in my useless opinion but this is one of few that I disagree with the most (I will get to Red Dragon at another time).

I will only address the major disagreements that I have with many ...

- If these teen clowns were considered 'foes' they were pretty useless ones ... I enjoyed there respective demises and they were never built up to be 'worthy foes'.
- The alien 'wrestling' the 'evil jock' had the ballsy Predator to deal with at the same time ... he was tossed down and I didn't see a whole lot of offense from him ... fodder for the alien until our friend the pred got involved
- Are you talking about the same 'token slut' that got nailed to the wall??? Wasn't much of a tackle I think ... more like a dart into a board.
- There was ONE place that I could not see what had happened in the whole movie ... when the predalien tossed the predator into a large pipe ... that's it. The rest of the action scenes were easy to follow.
- The gore was there, dudes/dudettes ... pretty graphic stuff ... ripped open rib cages, holes torn through folks, awful maternity ward scene (tasteless even for me) ... what movie were you watching?

I am a HUGE fan of both franchises and I would put this over Alien 3, Predator 2, and AVP 1 EASY. I am VERY glad that I went to see this in theaters. Yes the dialog was stupid in parts but so are a lot of teenies ... besides the army broad really did most of the damage with automatic weapons anyway.

It was not a perfect movie and I hope for better next time ... I do think that some stuff was cut for theaters from the way the editing was done (seemed that way anyway)... cannot wait for an unrated DVD.

This was a good entry by the Brothers Strause! I hope that you guys do even better next time.

PS ... looks like a couple of folks beat me to defending this flick but I am glad to be in company. Cheers to all and Happy New Year!
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5:24PM on 01/02/2008

Wrong on all Levels

Wow I usually agree with most of your reviews and many times I've skipped over movies based on your opinion, but wow I havent disagreed with you more, I thought this movie kicked all kinds of ass, a little slow to start with some stupid teen bullshit but after that, BAM this movie kicked into high gear, one experienced Predator kicking all kinds of ass, Alien killing, people killing, tons of nods to previous movies in both franchises, this sucker had everything I could have wished for.....this
Wow I usually agree with most of your reviews and many times I've skipped over movies based on your opinion, but wow I havent disagreed with you more, I thought this movie kicked all kinds of ass, a little slow to start with some stupid teen bullshit but after that, BAM this movie kicked into high gear, one experienced Predator kicking all kinds of ass, Alien killing, people killing, tons of nods to previous movies in both franchises, this sucker had everything I could have wished for.....this time I have to say that I completely disagree with you about as fully as one can, not one thing you said I can agree with on this one and I honestly cant believe it, I loved this movie and it totally owned the first and I'm one of the few that actually enjoyed the first quite a bit (I'm also a Paul Anderson fan ;))
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2:29AM on 01/02/2008

Can't believe it

I cant believe people like AvP better. AvP was a big steaming pile of shit with piss poor MTV action. 2 of the 3 predators were killed immediately and the design was waaaaay too bulky.

AvP:R gave us some good Alien vs Predator action, I thought, showed the Predator as the ultimate badass, and killed lots of shit. I dug this movie way more than AvP. Fuck, its probably better than Predator 2. And definitely better than Alien3.
I cant believe people like AvP better. AvP was a big steaming pile of shit with piss poor MTV action. 2 of the 3 predators were killed immediately and the design was waaaaay too bulky.

AvP:R gave us some good Alien vs Predator action, I thought, showed the Predator as the ultimate badass, and killed lots of shit. I dug this movie way more than AvP. Fuck, its probably better than Predator 2. And definitely better than Alien3.
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5:24PM on 12/30/2007

Agree with the review

You pretty much said it all John. This movie was awful, awful, awful. The action scenes were a joke... I am so sick and fucking tired of these quick cut hard to follow action scenes. And in an AVP film no less! What a fucking waste. At least in the first AVP the action was viewable and, as a result, exciting to watch. AVPR... burn in hell. It`s worse than Alien Resurrection.
You pretty much said it all John. This movie was awful, awful, awful. The action scenes were a joke... I am so sick and fucking tired of these quick cut hard to follow action scenes. And in an AVP film no less! What a fucking waste. At least in the first AVP the action was viewable and, as a result, exciting to watch. AVPR... burn in hell. It`s worse than Alien Resurrection.
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+0
7:52PM on 12/28/2007

What?

I like your reviews, but you give this 1.5 yet gave the Halloween remake a 2.5?
I like your reviews, but you give this 1.5 yet gave the Halloween remake a 2.5?
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11:28AM on 12/28/2007
I agree with with this review 100%. I'm so tired of the trend in modern filmmaking where directors use close up shots of the action, quick cuts, and shaky camera work to film action scenes. When will hollywood realize this is not an intelligent way to film a scene? This movie was complete trash. At least the first AVP had some decent action scenes where you could actually see what was going on.
I agree with with this review 100%. I'm so tired of the trend in modern filmmaking where directors use close up shots of the action, quick cuts, and shaky camera work to film action scenes. When will hollywood realize this is not an intelligent way to film a scene? This movie was complete trash. At least the first AVP had some decent action scenes where you could actually see what was going on.
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+0
11:00AM on 12/28/2007
I think you guys all went in with expectations WAY too high. I felt that this film was going to be at best, as poor as the first one. Well I thought it was better. Yes the characters were poor. But I paid to see Alien vs Predator and thats what I got. However there is no question that this film is very forgetable.

I mean we all should be thankful that the four human characters were not running side by side with the Predator while the town was blowing up. Right?? I just watched the first AVP
I think you guys all went in with expectations WAY too high. I felt that this film was going to be at best, as poor as the first one. Well I thought it was better. Yes the characters were poor. But I paid to see Alien vs Predator and thats what I got. However there is no question that this film is very forgetable.

I mean we all should be thankful that the four human characters were not running side by side with the Predator while the town was blowing up. Right?? I just watched the first AVP again last night and this new film is just leaps and bounds better. IMO of course.

AVP 0 stars out of 5
AVPR 2.5 stars out of 5
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6:37AM on 12/28/2007

What!!!

How can you give that movie 1.5 points John?
It was so bad, omfg. We went in yesterday, group of 5, all excited... And then that damn bullshit with the pizza delivery dude started (wtf!!!) and the movie was dead.
It's so bad it still hurts today.
How can you give that movie 1.5 points John?
It was so bad, omfg. We went in yesterday, group of 5, all excited... And then that damn bullshit with the pizza delivery dude started (wtf!!!) and the movie was dead.
It's so bad it still hurts today.
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+0
5:28AM on 12/28/2007
This film was sooo disposable, even more than the first one I thought. It didn't get good until the last 5 minutes, even then it was meh. But for some weird reason I'm willing to give them a third crack. Just, for gods sakes, find a decent fucking writer and director that loves FILM. Not another "Oh man I loved this movie when I was a kid I'm PERFECT for this!" BOOO.

By the way, you got Reiko Aylesworth and Kristen Hager roles reversed my friend. Though both slammin' hotties.
This film was sooo disposable, even more than the first one I thought. It didn't get good until the last 5 minutes, even then it was meh. But for some weird reason I'm willing to give them a third crack. Just, for gods sakes, find a decent fucking writer and director that loves FILM. Not another "Oh man I loved this movie when I was a kid I'm PERFECT for this!" BOOO.

By the way, you got Reiko Aylesworth and Kristen Hager roles reversed my friend. Though both slammin' hotties.
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