ARROW IN THE HEAD REVIEWS

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Bloody Murder (2000)
Written by: The Arrow
Director: Ralph Portillo

Starring:
Jessica Morris/Julie
Michael Stone/Dean
Crystalle Ford/Drew
1 10
PLOT-CRUNCH
A bunch of teen counselors head up to camp to prep it up for the summer season. What they don’t know is that a killer wearing a hockey mask is waiting for them. When they get there he stalks them one by one. This sounds familiar….very f--king familiar…can you spell: LAWSUIT!!!!
THE LOWDOWN
Shameless rip off of Friday The 13th…come on!!!! Whoever wrote this shite is begging to get sued. Get this: A boy who ALMOST drowned years back in the camp lake might be the killer. The stalker (skinny wimp) wears a hockey mask and a mechanic jumpsuit. There’s an old nutty man who warns the kids that the killer (Trevor something) has come back for revenge. The film even tries to poke fun at its Friday The 13th similarities by naming one of the kid’s Jason. I can’t count how many times a character says: "Where’s Jason?" Ha Ha Ha…very funny (sarcasm).

The film doesn’t stop at ripping off the Friday flicks, it even tries to be trendy by slapping in a movie geek who makes "slasher" movie jokes and a "Scream" like whodunit. The difference is that here its handled with ZERO wit and ZERO intelligence.

NOTE TO MOVIE GEEK: Jason Voorhees was never buried in an old Indian burial ground. Get your facts straight beeyatch!

The script is lazy, using dumb things to drive it forward or to pad the characters: A girl forgets her camp list (got to go back by her lonesome…duh), girl (who knows people are disappearing) insists on wandering the dark woods alone, everybody has a dead parent, everybody dated somebody in the past (love triangles…ouuu)…u see what I mean…

The dialogue doesn’t help the movie either. It’s like listening to "Freddy Krueger" claw a blackboard…PAINFUL…the worst dialogue I’ve heard in a while…

The film is not scary and has no suspense. It doesn’t help that the director chose to film most of the stalk scenes in daylight, which makes for a very boring look. What’s the matter couldn’t afford night-lights???

The film delivers ZERO goods…Nathing. Even drunk it would be a bore. This flick is a pile of "poseur" bullcrap. Lets cut this one’s head and piss down its freaking throat…
GORE
Where is it at? A choppy slit throat, a fake looking stabbing…other than that it’s dryer than my grandma….
ACTING
I’ll make this easy for u guys: ALL THE ACTORS SUCK!!! All of them, no exception. Their delivery is off, some of them don’t seem to know their lines, others over act and all of them are going back to "Burger King" where they belong. Want some fries with that?? NOTE: Special mention to Jessica Morris as the lead. You’re hot baby doll but please put your money where it counts: acting workshops. You couldn’t carry a school play…
T & A
Let me get this straight…NONE?…wait I’m hearing you right NONE!!! The film hints at a lesbian thang between Julie and Drew (or is it my dirty mind) but never goes ahead with it…TEASE!!!!
DIRECTING
I liked one shot: The killer’s reflection in a pool of blood…that’s it. The rest is by the numbers, point and shoot, lazy arse filmmaking. I hated the directors tendency to flashback to show us what might have happened…it felt cheap and only there to fill in the clocking time.
SOUNDTRACK
Some good rock ballads and an uneven score that goes from ok to putrid.
BOTTOM LINE
Movies like this make you realize just how good Friday The 13th and Scream are. It tries to blend both together but fails for three reasons: It has no heart, it has no brain and it has no balls. This flick is not even fun in a bad way. Jason Voorhees and Ghostface should band together, hunt down the director and show him what real SLASHING is all about…
BULL'S EYE
Ralph Portillo is also responsible for that Corey "cocaine" Haim clunker: Fever Lake.
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