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Club Dread (2004)
Written by: The Arrow
Director: Jay Chandrasekhar

Starring:
Steve Lemme/Juan
Paul Soter/Dave
Bill Paxton/Coconut Pete
Brittany Daniels/Jenny
5 10
PLOT-CRUNCH
The sex and drugs bash going down on “Coconut Pete's Pleasure Island" is crashed when a serial killer begins trimming the human edges in gory ways. Who is this mysterious aggressive entity with obvious anger management issues? And more importantly, if this is a comedy…why isn’t it funny?
THE LOWDOWN
Like men’s taste in poon-tang, comedy is highly subjective. What will make one laugh, will bore the other, much like what one will find “bangable”, won't necessarily make another pop wood to aim for a between the legs kill. Having missed "Club Dread" (the latest from comedy troupe Broken Lizard) when it hit theatres for about 10 seconds back in February, I decided to take my good friend JoBlo’s advice when watching it at home. And I quote his review: “Rent it on video one day, smoke some shit and enjoy some of the amusing bits bordering around its mediocre whole”. Sadly, even while “flying”, I rarely chuckled through this ride. The trailer for "Super Troopers" had me cracking up more than this flat glass of Coka Fucka!

That’s not to say that there wasn’t anything of value to diddle at this shindig. I found the tropical setting and the slick photography engaging (made me want to go on vacation), half of the characters semi-comical (PEE-NA-LOPE), the graphic gore entertaining, some of the ideas clever (I so wanted to hit the Pac-Man maze), the horror nods gnarly ("Halloween" and "Friday the 13th") and the ample display of sexual situations/tit shots quite “Johnson” warming. Man, I love women-- sratch that…man, I love topless women who look like Jordan Ladd! Thank you Zeus for making me a male! It should also be said that the mere presence of The Pax (Bill Paxton, a-holes) cracked my coconuts in two! The dude rocks even when acting as filler in sub-par “Twinkies” such as this.

Alas, after its witty and skin-filled opening, this balloon became half a drag when it came to its story, jokes and character interactions. I found the middle section lagging and was yearning for a 6-shooter to ease my pain! This was supposed to be a horror comedy, but the “tone” balance was off its rocker! On one side of the blade, the slasher conventions weren’t pushed far enough to be humorous, so the flick came across as just another lame (and dated) entry the likes of “I Still Know What you Did Last Summer”, but dumber (if that's even possible). On the other side of the blade, the terror at play had little impact on me, since I hardly had an ounce of sweat invested in the meat of the movie. Tension, anticipation and curiosity as to who the killer was were so lost on me throughout...I just didn’t give a John McLane about anything! Luckily, the decent last block somewhat pulled me back into the loop.

Result: "Club Dread" wound up being a mostly “whatever man, give me another shot of Tequila” watch for me. I smiled a few times, dug on the gore, the ladies and the girl-on-girl action, but mostly, couldn’t wait for it to end to hit the local McDs for a Big Mac or two (munchies baby…munchies!). With films like "Scream" that deconstructed the genre in depth, you need to really go "all out" to make a horror/comedy side-splitting these days. "Club Dread" just didn’t try hard enough for my liking-- it felt like it was on auto-pilot. Let's get out of here, this place is dead anyways!
GORE
This “Marguerita” was surprisingly quite bloody! We get a severed head, a stabbing, a stab in the back, a body cut in half and blood here and there. NICE!
ACTING
Steve Lemme (Juan), Paul Soter (Dave) and Erik Stolhanske (Fun Police) all made me cackle to some degree. Jay Chandrasekhar (Putman) and Kevin Heffernan (Lars) rarely did it for me. Bill Paxton (Coconut Pete) was compelling, solely because he’s Bill Paxton, one of the greatest men to ever walk the earth. Brittany Daniels (Jenny) carried the film, in my opinion, with her endearing persona and yummy body. I didn’t recognize Jordan Ladd (Penelope) here, but appreciated her luscious melons nonetheless.
T & A
This party was jumping when it came to all the bikinis, girl-on-girl play and tit shots on the menu (Jordan Ladd’s mountains being two of them). GOOD STUFF! The ladies get shirtless men and their butts.
DIRECTING
The directing was competent enough with a couple of creative shots, some groovy ambiance and a smart use of slow motion. Adequate.
SOUNDTRACK
We get Tropical/Island music. You know the type you put on to either get in a “vacation” mood or to torture an inebriated friend? Yeah, that type!
DVD FEATURES
Distributor: Fox Home Video

IMAGE: Widescreen anamorphic - 2.35:1 and Full Screen - 1.33:1

SOUND: English Dolby Digital 5.1. We also get a Spanish Dolby Digital 2.0 Surround and a French Dolby Digital 2.0 Surround options. The subtitles are available in English and in Spanish.

EXTRAS: We get two commentary tracks: The first is with director Jay Chandrasekhar and Erik Stolhanske and the second has actors Paul Soter, Steve Lemme, and Kevin Hefferman talking shop. The commentaries were kool with the dudes feeding off each other, dropping some funny ass quips and providing us with info and trivia on the experience that was making the film.

We also get a Soundtrack Spot (TV ad). And that was that. Where were the featurettes? The behind the scenes shite? This was a “Slim Fast” DVD!
BOTTOM LINE
I’ve never seen “Super Troopers”, but having witnessed the Broken Lizard gang speak live, I know they can be mucho funny mofos. Unfortunately, that didn’t translate enough within "Club Dread" for it to blow my horn. All I got out of it was a comedy that more often than none, missed the mark and a horror flick that fell flat on its “passé” limp banana face. So what was left? The Pax, a gorgeous setting, random decent jokes, a kick-ass game of Pac Man and lots of jugglies to feast upon. Will you find "Club Dread" humorous? The choco-fudge I know! Find out for yourself, but remember these wise words: "There's nothing wrong with letting the girls know that you're money and that you want to party." What does that have to do with this movie? NOTHING! Why should you keep that in mind? Beause they’re words of wisdom my friends…WISDOM! I need a nap…
BULL'S EYE
This flick was shot in Mexico.

Stay tuned during the end credits for some outtakes.
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