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Count Yorga: Vampire & The Return of Count Yorga (1970)
Written by: The Arrow
Director: Bob Kelljan

Starring:
Robert Quarry/Yorga
Michael Murphy/Paul
Mariette Hartley/Cynthia
Craig T. Nelson/o'Connor
8 10
PLOT-CRUNCH
In the first film, Count Yorga (Robert Quarry) is a one-track mind vampire; drink off broads, build vamp harem and choke the shite out of any dude that gets in his way. He will NOT be c*ck blocked! In the second film Yorga goes soft on us and falls in love with blonde hottie Cynthia (Mariette Hartley). Will she return his affection? What do you think?! YORGAAAAAAAA!!!!
THE LOWDOWN
One of the perks of visiting my pal Eric Red in LA is that he always exposes me to old horror movies that I wouldn't have watched otherwise. So when he heard that I hadn't seen the COUNT YORGA jamborees, he quickly rectified that and we watched both flicks back to back. So here's what I thought, allow me to elbow drops them one at a time!

COUNT YORGA VAMPIRE (1970): Every time I watch a flick, I always research it afterwards, it's just how I roll. So after my romp in the hay with the first YORGA movie, I read up on it and wasn't too surprised to learn that it was at first going to be a soft core porn flick called The Loves of Count Iorga until Robert Quarry (Yorga) changed everybody's mind. In fact The Loves of Count Iorga was the title that appeared on the screen on the version that I watched, not the official title as listed above. A handful of fly camera moves, some moody cinematography, and stylish shots aside, the bulk of the film pretty much felt like a 70's porno (nothing wrong with that BTW). With that, the thing moved at an even pace, showcased a bevy of GORGEOUS ladies (like Diane Lane dead ringer Donna Anders and hot to trot Judy Lang as Erica) and had all kinds of so bad their GREAT moments.

For example, there's this scene where two of the heroes walk all over LA talking about the odd happenings that have been going down since Yorga arrived. The scene had me in stitches! Ya see it was communicated via wide shots, the dude's mouths hardly moved and shoddy ADR did all the dialogue work. Their MAMMOTH walk,which pretty covered pretty much all of LA, ended with them arriving at their car. They had a f*cking car?! Why walk the whole city then! Drive or share a pint at a Pub and talk it out there! Freaking hilarious. And am I gonna mention the night sequences with obvious random pick up shots that were filmed in BRIGHT day time? I guess I just did! Moments like that made this sucka B Movie gold! On a more serious note, the performances were surprisingly solid, with Roger Perry standing out as he eched Van Helsing and Peter Vincent from Fright Night with his credible and amusing display.

But the highlight of the whole thing, the reason I cound't wait to tap the second Yorga movie was Robert Quarry as the man, myth, pimp himself: Count Yorga. Quarry's suave yet menacing showcase rivalled Christopher Lee's rendition of Dracula in my opinion as one of the best classic "Count" vampire performances. The camera simply LOVED the him, he oozed of charm and when Yorga went full-on feral on dudes that were in his way, a mix of fear and laughter erupted out of me. You haven't lived a FULL life until you've witnessed Count Yorga leaping out of the screen out of left field in a fit of rage, arms stretched out, dolly-ing down full speed at ya, ready to choke some motherf*cker. I swear these Yorga on a choke hunt bits were the highlight of the movie for me. Freaking amazing!

Although I wish the film was racier (lesbo stuff off-screen - shame on ya) I did appreciate the sexiness on hand (Judy Lang squeezing her oranges = all good). At the end of teh neck snap though, it was Quarry that made it all happen, he acted as the glue that held this low budget effort together. Highly recommended for B Movie lovers of the world for the right and the so wrong they are right reasons! Rating: 8/10

So after the mucho entertaining first film, it was with childlike glee that I tackled the second and last chapter of the Yorga chronicles.

THE RETURN OF COUNT YORGA (1971): Being that the original movie was a financial success, they had more coin to play with in this second film, bummer that dough was somewhat wasted on a fairly lack-luster story that lacked focus and sported too many dull moments. Yorga is revived by wind (I think that's what happened, it wasn't very clear to me), his vampire cohorts inexplicably acted like Zombies, a witch was tossed into the mix for no good reason, sunlight didn't seem to be an issue on vamps anymore and sexiness was on the low jive. This time we tackled “love”. Sigh...

Don't get me wrong, there were some elements to party to here. Some of the humorous moments stroked me right (like Yorga watching The Vampire Lovers on TV, in Spanish no less), Craig T Nelson was a blast in his first role, Mariette Hartley was solid as Yorga's hard-on Marnie and some of the actors from the first movie returned as a different characters here; like Roger Perry who owned it once again as the Van Helsing type. On his end, Robert “The Man” Quarry still killed the scenery as Yorga. The movie came to life every time he appeared! And there was a also a funny repeat of the “two dudes walking everywhere with ADR doing the all of the talking" scene from the first film, but this time they somehow walked from LA to Frisco...WTF?! LOL! GENIUS!

Furthermore, the last act was well put together and somehwhat suspenseful, the finale managed to slyly turn an old orphanage into a maze of horror and Count Yorga's random choke attacks one again carved a smile on my face. Dude is the choke MASTER! With that spat, when you have a flick called The Return of Count Yorga, then I expect one thing, a frick load of Yorga! Unfortunately this follow-up had less of the Count than in the first film. How does that work? Somebody is bad at math! So although I got some kicks out of out of it, this sequel was kind of a let down for me. Rating: 6/10

Overall, I am very glad that I discovered the magic that is Count Yorga! Yeah they are low budget efforts, yeah the second film was somewhat of a misfire, but both movies had Robert Quarry as Yorga in them and that was a HUGE asset. Too bad there wasn't a third chapter, I would have been there with undead-bells on! Scream it with me now: YORGAAAAAAAA!!!!!

he quickly rectified that and we watched both flicks back to back. So here's what I thought, allow me to elbow drops them one at a time!

COUNT YORGA VAMPIRE (1970): Every time I watch a flick, I always research it afterwards, it's just how I roll. So after my romp in the hay with the first YORGA movie, I read up on it and wasn't too surprised to learn that it was at first going to be a soft core porn flick called The Loves of Count Iorga until Quarry changed everybody's mind. In fact that was the title that appeared on the screen on the version that I watched, not the official title. A handful of fly camera movements, some moody cinematography, and stylish shots aside, the bulk of the film pretty much felt like a 70's porno. With that, the thing moved at an even pace, showcased a bevy of GORGEOUS ladies (like Diane Lane dead ringer Donna Anders and hot to trot Judy Lang as Erica) and had all kinds of so bad their GREAT moments.

For example, there's this scene where two of the heroes walk all over LA talking about the odd happenings that have been going down since Yorga arrived. The scene had me in stitches! Ya see it was all communicated via wide shots, the dude's mouths hardly moved and shoddy ADR did all the dialogue work. Their MAMMOTH walk,which pretty covered all of LA, ended with them arriving at their car. They had a f*cking car?! Why walk the whole city then! Drive! Or share a pint at a Pub and talk in out there! Freaking hilarious. And am I gonna mention the night scenes with obvious random pick up shots that were filmed in BRIGHT day time? I guess I just did! On a more serious note, the performances were surprisingly solid, with Roger Perry echoing Van Helsing and Peter Vincent from Fright Night with his credible and amusing display.

But the highlight of the whole thing, the reason I cound't wait to tap the second Yorga film was Robert Quarry as the man, myth, pimp himself: Count Yorga. Quarry's suave yet menacing showcase rivalled Christopher Lee's rendition of Dracula in my opinion as one of the best classic vampire performances. The camera simply LOVED the man and when he went Yorga full-on feral on dudes that were in his way, a mix of fear and laughter erupted out of me. You haven't lived until you've witnessed Count Yorga leaping out of the screen out of left field in a fit of rage, arms stretched out, dolly-ing down at ya at full speed, ready to choke some motherf*cker. I swear these Yorga on a choke hunt bits were the highlight of the movie for me. Freaking amazing.

Although I wish the film was racier (lesbo stuff off-screen - shame on ya) I did appreciate the sexiness on hand. Quarry made it all happen though, he acted as the glue that held this low budget effort together. Highly recommended for B Movie lovers of the world! This one is loaded with charm! Rating: 8/10

So after the mucho entertaining first film, it was with childlike glee that I tackled the second and sniff, sniff last chapter of the Yorga chronicles.

THE RETURN OF COUNT YORGA (1971): Being that the original movie was a financial success, they had more coin to play with in for second film, bummer that dough was somewhat wasted on a fairly lack-luster story with too many dull moments. Yorga is revived by wind (I think that's what happened, it wasn't very clear), his vampire cohorts inexplicably act like Zombies, a witch was tossed into the mix for no good reason, sunlight didn't seem to be an issue on vamps anymore and sexiness was on an even lower jive than in the first movie. This time we tackled “love”. Sigh...

Don't get me wrong though, there were some elements to party to here. The sequel looked sleek, some of the humorous moments stroked me right (like Yorga watching The Vampire Lovers on TV, in Spanish no less), Craig T Nelson was a blast in his first role, Mariette Hartley was solid as Yorga's hard-on Marnie and some of the actors from the first movie returned as a different characters here; like Roger Perry who owned it once again as the Van Helsing type. The cherry on top of the bloody Sunday was of course Robert “The Man” Quarry still killing the scenery as Yorga, the movie just came to life when he appeared, and a funny repeat of the “two dudes walking everywhere with ADR doing the all of the talking" scene from the first film, but this time they somehow walked from LA to Frisco...WTF?! LOL! I love it!

Furthermore, the last act was well put together and suspenseful, the finale managed to slyly turn an old orphanage into a maze of horror and Count Yorga's random choke attacks one again carved a smile on my face. Due is the choke MASTER! With that spat, when you have a flick called The Return of Count Yorga, then I expect one thing, a frick load of Yorga! Unfortunately this follow-up had less of the Count than the first film. How does that work? So although I got some kicks out of out of it, this sequel was kind of a let down for me. Rating: 6/10

Overall, I am glad that I discovered the magic that is Count Yorga! Yeah they are low budget efforts, yeah the second film was somewhat of a misfire, but both movies had Robert Quarry as Yorga and that was a HUGE asset. Too bad there wasn't a third film, I would have been there with bells on! Scream it with me now: YORGAAAAAAAA!!!!

GORE
COUNT YORGA VAMPIRE: A dead kitten, stabbings, vamp bites and of course some stake action.

THE RETURN OF COUNT YORGA: Torn throats, stabbings, stakes in the heart... the usual.
T & A
COUNT YORGA VAMPIRE: Lots of ladies in varied forms of undress, Judy Lang squeezing her boobs and if you don't blink you'll catch one of them during her sex scene. Oh and that shot of Donna Anders with a light behind her was a sight to behold. What a rack!

THE RETURN OF COUNT YORGA: Even cleavage was on the down low here. Bah.
BOTTOM LINE
Even though both films are far from perfect, I LOVE Count Yorga. The original COUNT YORGA VAMPIRE had a tight enough storyline, some sexiness and gore and Robert Quarry challenged Christopher Lee as one of the best vampire Counts to ever grace the screen. The sequel THE RETURN OF COUNT YORGA had more money, but was a pinch all over the place, at times dull and didn't have enough sexiness or Yorga to fully deliver! On that, both films are worth your time, simply for Quarry's outstanding showcase and his run and choke fits which got me every time! RIP Count Yorga! Thanks of the fun times! One last time: YORGAAAAAAAA!!!!
BULL'S EYE
Robert Quarry played another vampire in The Deathmaster.

Poor Robert Quarry had a string of bad luck. He had a cancer scare, was hit by a drunk driver and was violently mugged which resulted in a heart attack.

There was talk of a third Count Yorga movie, but the disappointing box office on the sequel, killed the idea.
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