ARROW IN THE HEAD REVIEWS

001575
Search by title # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Critters 3 (1991)
Written by: The Arrow
Director: Kristine Peterson

Starring:
John Calvin/Clifford
Aimee Brook/Annie
Leo DiCaprio/Josh
Geoffrey Blake/Frank
PLOT-CRUNCH
I could have made a better movie with a video camera and a sock puppet. A bunch of Critters wind up in an old apartment complex, terrorize the tenants, and put us to sleep.
THE LOWDOWN
It sounds like fun but trust me, this is true garbage. This movie’s idea of the Critters doing some damage is having them eat beans and drinking liquid soap!?! That's all they do! The writing is atrociously bad, dumb ass exposition monologues, lame subplots and some of the worst dialogue this side of a soap opera. The characters are beyond paper thin and the acting…oh my god…the acting…Lets rip this one a new hole…
GORE
Nothing…Almost nobody dies in this film….What's the point of having paper thin characters if you’re not gonna rip them into pieces???? Come on!!! Another thing, the Critters effects are beyond lousy…
ACTING
I’ll start by saying that Leonardo DiCaprio actually gives another good performance and comes out of this movie ok. The rest of the cast are not that lucky. You got Geoffrey Blake (Frank) insulting our intelligence with his annoying, pathetic and weak performance…god did I hate him. We got Aimee Brook (Annie) saying her lines but thinking of firing her agent at the same time (you see it in her eyes) and yes we got Opper stinking up the place with his Charlie character. Charlie should have never come back…He was a secondary character in the first one, how did he become a recurring character in the series? I guess he’s the only actor the budget can afford. Please kill Charlie off…PLEAASSSSE…he brings the series down….
T & A
Absolutely nothing…We do get to see a Critter fart though…twice…
DIRECTING
Not good. She uses slow-mo at the most silly time, doesn’t even try to create tension, has no style but to be nice I will say that the scene where she intercuts a bowling game on TV with Critters being knocked down was kind of witty but other than that don't quit your "McDonalds" day job Ms Peterson…got to pay that rent.
SOUNDTRACK
Nothing to waste my spit on.
BOTTOM LINE
The original Critters is a classic of the genre, the second one was a Disney version of the first, mainly aimed at kids but this one is an insult to all Critters fans. It has no heart, no spunk and was obviously put together to make a quick buck…certainly not to entertain…POOHI!…I spit on it.
BULL'S EYE
If you do see it, watch the ending credits cause it sets you up for part 4. Ugh (Terrance Mann) makes a an appearance at the end of part 3.
Strikeback
Not registered? Sign-up!
Or

Mistress Of The Week

More
Dusku, Eliza