A 6th grade school teacher (Bentley) finds himself craving payback when a ruthless, forever babbling and sex trade happy mobster (Slater) wrongs him.
So I was at a my local DVD store, just browsing around, looking for some old
school Chuck Norris movies (Firewalker and Silent Rage are hard to find... bugh)
when suddenly, Christian Slater's "I f*cked your mom in the poop shoot" mug
snickered at me from a top shelf, yup, it was the DVD cover for DOLAN'S
. I had totally forgotten about that flick being that it kind of
fell off my personal radar when the initial Kevin Bacon (Robinson), Sylvester
Stallone (Dolan) and director Stacy Title line-up tanked. But I picked it up
anyways, its Stephen King and I needed something to review...and then I paid for
that dumbass decision...paid for it big time!
Based on Stephen King's short story of the same name which was published in 1993
within the Nightmares and Dreamscapes
collection; this movie version was
amateur hour across the board. The story had a clunky narrative progression
stuck to its ass i.e. blatant patch job (how many filler montages can one film have) and the dialogue had a tendency to be OVER WRITTEN hence making the
characters VERY annoying and the veteran actors in the house look like rejects
from the BC Theater stage. And the boat was missed by a yard on one crucial
story aspect: developing and making us care about Robinson's relationship with
his wife early on to of course feed the fire that was to come - never happened.
Without that, the film's core, its heart and raison d'être
absent, making what ensued mucho trivial. For a revenge opus to work, you need
to root for the hero and feel for his plight, sadly I didn't give an ounce of a
sprinkle of a shit here. Moreover, the casting was so off the mark. They cast
with locking distribution and the DVD cover in mind - not cause the actors
were ideal for the roles. Who the hell hires "eyes out of their sockets" Wes
Bentley as a straight man? Dude came off as too much of oddball throughout to be
credible as a mundane school teacher that progresses into something darker. I
saw no evolution, no character arc, just Wes Bentley looking like he has to go
do a number 2 pronto.
Speaking of crap casting; Emmanuelle Vaugier didn't fare much better on her
end. She was just there, shit, the props in the film had more life to them than her! To be
fair, the script gave her nothing to do but sit on the toilet and look at a
pregnancy test but still, more effort from the dame would have been appreciated.
She was obviously cashing a check while hoping that her good looks would gap the
rest. Didn't work. To make matters worse, she also had ZERO chemistry with RoBo-Bentley which buried
the already hurting love story 6 feet under. And what of Christian Slater you
may ask? Well at least it seemed like he had fun with the role, chewing that
scenery like an Ethiopian at an all you can eat buffet. But from this twerp's
point of view, it also looked like he wasn't directed for a second. He'd overact
plus taxes now and again, shooting the role's credibility in the foot in the
process. Straight up I winced a couple of times in sheer embarrassment for
Slater. It pains me to say it being that I love the dude... but he's a much better actor than this. Finally the cap off just dragged on and on and
on and on to the point that fast forwarding the ending and
jumping off my balcony to erase the crud I was witnessing out of my Grey matter
crossed my mind. I didn't do either, but the fact that I thought about it says a
Anything nice to say about this cinematic turd? Well some of the sleek visuals
and camera work hit home, making the flick go down smoother than it should have.
I dug Greg Bryk as the psycho henchman, the score owned and some of the lines worked, usually having to do with Slater
motor mouthing existential jargon. And the Pet Semetary-ish apparition thing
they did added a bit of spices to the proceedings; too bad they didn't really do
anything with it though. Lets face it here, King's short story is a good one, a
revenge tale with an Edgar Allen Poe twist and now and again, its potential
would shine through this shit sandwich... but not near enough. At the end
of the of celluloid rape; this dull, clumsy and cold flick was a mammoth waste
of my Sunday morning. Where's Frank Darabont when you need him??? SHEESH!
Some gun shots wounds, that's it.
We get a couple of G-Stringed butt cheeks at a strip club.
Stephen King's short story Dolan's Cadillac could make for a pretty good movie - alas this wasn't it. Shoddy storytelling, miscasting, actors obviously not directed enough, shitty dialogue, no heart, no soul, no balls... this flick came off as a first semester student film with names and a budget.Yeah the basic storyline was all right, some of the visuals tight, Christian Slater was fun to watch when he wasn't crossing the line, some lines came through and the Poe elements were kind of of cool but without credible characters and a hero to side with - all of the positives were worth squat... SQUAT! Its been a while since I hated a film as much as this one, hope it doesn't happen again soon...cause sitting through it and then writing about it f*cking hurt!
Screenwriter Richard Dooling also co-produced and co-wrote the ABC miniseries Stephen King's Kingdom Hospital (2004).
This was director Jeff Beesley's first big movie. He directed episodes of Corner Gas and Little Mosque on the Prairie before that.
The bulk of the film was shot in Saskatchewan, Canada.