Cause I'm a mean motherf*cking man, I gotta scream, that's what I am All the way, all the way Cause I'm a mean motherf*cking man, Riding the wind and know I'll be damned All they way, all the way, all the way – Mean Man by WASP.
Figured that Mean Man by WASP would be an appropriate song to tap-tap my thoughts to, being that Cage is one mean mofo in this flick, so I got it on a loop, lets see how it all turns out. DRIVE ANGRY 3D was just what the panties-less nurse ordered for this mook surviving a tepid year at the movies thus far. It’s not a remake, its not PussyfiedG13, it’s not aimed at little girls or their cookies and it’s not a rip-off. AMEN! Alas, ya know what that usually means… I expect it to make little money. I don’t think mainstream audiences will “get it” and I really hope to be PROVEN WRONG. We’ll see. With that, everybody who loves old school 70's-80’s B Movies and Grindhouse stuff the ones that cranked it up loud and rocked out with their cocks out should lap this one up fervently! DRIVE ANGRY 3D was a rapid fire paced, and at times juvenile (but in a good way) affair that stomped the pedal to the floor and aimed to destroy. And destroy it did. I’m talking crazy/inventive gun fights (ever see a dude mow down a room filled with baddies WHILE drinking JD, chewing on a cigar and nailing some 2 bit hussy? You will now. Awesome!), countless well staged (and non CGI) car chases/crashes, mucho kabooms and enough splatter to make ya tingle all over.
Hookers and hoes to Todd Farmer and Patrick Lussier, who went bucks nuts with their screenplay, filling it to the brim with clever (and at times deliciously cheesy) one-liners, whacked out situations and eccentric characters that greased me right. Although Nicolas Cage owned it as the hell bent avenger by perfectly balancing intensity and levity; this was truly Billy Burke’s and William Fichtner’s show. Both men ran with their peculiar roles and I was relishing every micro second of their performances. Fichtner in particular, made every frame he was in his bitch; he was ideal casting to tackle an otherworldly being that plays by his own rules, yup, I couldn’t get enough of his oddball The Accountant character. Shit, I’d be down for a Spin Off with him as the lead! A man can dream. The rest of the cast fared just as well. Amber Heard handled her “tough chick” persona with oomph, giving the part more depth then there was on the page, fan favorite Tom Atkins made the little screen time he had count (he had me in stitches) while David Morse added a touch of swagger to the proceedings, cause that’s what he does with bit parts; his presence alone classes a celluloid joint up!
Visually; Lussier made sure to have his Wheaties before every day of filming I am sure. Dude doubled down in the crazy angles, slow motion whoring and kinetic camera movements
department; and backed by the often heavy metal type music in the house; it all
made for a audio/visual treat. Add to all that some gnarly moments of female flesh (with Christa Campbell looking so fine, I almost whipped out the whip cream and a spoon from under my seat) and bang on 3D (this
one was shot in 3D, no Post Conversion crud here) that upped the fun factor (loved having bullets whiz by my noggin) and you get an action/horror shindig worth crashing. Any complaints? A couple. For starters
the plot was fairly predictable. I knew where this one was going
for the bulk of it and that somewhat lessened my involvement in its shenanigans. Moreover some of the characters needed more meat to them (Why is Amber Heard following this crazy dude around again? And no that
throwaway “purpose monologue” was not enough to answer that question) and more importantly a bigger reason to be in the mix in the first place. As much as I love David Morse; you could’ve easily removed his character from the story and not much would have been affected. Finally the seldom CGI (ending) was meh and Billy Burke’s knack at being an uber LOUSY shot
eventually got on my nerves. The shit his character missed was unbelievable, even by B Movie action cheese standards.
At the end of it all though; DRIVE ANGRY 3D made for a swell shameless sit down. It was loud, brash, dumb, politically incorrect and fun! No romantic romp in a bed laced with rose petals here; it was a cheap, drunken back alley f*ck and proud of it! You down with tapping an easy one! Bend this one over and tell her Arrow sent ya!