If you need anything... scream! - The Host
At this point it’s obvious that Pinhead’s purpose in these new Hellraiser sequels is to help sell DVDs by having his pretty boy nail laced mug on the cover. The last 4 sequels could’ve easily stood on their own without him. With that in mind I entered Hellraiser Hellworld (hitting DVD shelves on September 06, 2005), ready to have an “okay” time and to my big surprise (I mean the one in my kakis), I had a freaking blast!
Put aside your undying devotion to the early Hellraiser films, ignore the fact that Pinhead is basically demeaned to being a Freddy Krueger circa NOES Part 4 clown, present to spit out one liners after each kill and enjoy what’s there tacos! A freaking jumping, whoring and gut busting Horror Party movie! Hellraiser Hellworld was about 3 things, flesh, death and rock & twists and since my life sucks harder than a Police Academy sequel right now, I welcomed it with open arms and a knife in the f*cking front
Hellraiser Hellword had its game on and then some! It established its surprisingly likeable teen leads, its groovy William Castle-esque premise, loosely referenced the Hellraiser mythos along the way, slapped in the GREAT, Lance Henriksen for that touch of oh so important class and then let her rip hardcore! What followed was the type of movie Dark Castle should be putting out as opposed to most of their poseur snooze fests: a highly amusing, shameless and well paced horror coaster ride that just wouldn’t stop back-handing my silly forehead with all that makes a horror punch bowl, dunk worthy. I’m talking a trippy ass vibe, mucho gory/inventive kills, hot “topless” dames all over the rug, insane situations and ballsy turns that would send any arthritis ridden grandma into a back flipping frenzy.
I swear watching this film was the easiest thing I’ve had to do all week next to eating chips with my left hand. My brain was able to relax, my muscles unclenched and my Johnson finally went limp (damn Viagra). The flick allowed me to have a gnarly time and forget my worries so I jumped in there and enjoyed the dead air! Add to all that sweet jazz; a well written, clever screenplay (loved the use of cell phones), a sly approach to its Hellraiser roots (people know of Hellraiser in this film) and a badass "sucker punch" finale that topped this bitch off with a bloody cherry (like the one I popped last night) and you get a crowd pleaser that’s not afraid to get its on its knees to say “I love you”.
On the dull side of the nail, I couldn’t help but thing “pathetic” every time Pinhead or worse yet a “we have to be here cause the film is called Hellraiser” Cenobite surfaced. Although the makeup was amazing as per usual, the film would’ve most likely have been better off without the creepy lads where they served next to almost ZERO purpose within the storyline. Just there cause they had to be there. My Big Smelly Toe could’ve been the freaking villain over here and nobody would’ve blinked an iota (or a Liotta). I also though that the last block dragged for like a micro second, but that was swiftly redeemed with the slick plot twists and deaths that arose.
Overall, this flick was a F*cking-A good time! It knew what it was and wasn’t ashamed of it! Hellraiser as we know it is freaking dead; it will only come back if Clive Barker ever takes the helm again. Till then, I’d rather watch groovy horror flicks posing as Hellraiser sequels like this Rotweiller then sitting through yet another piece of candy coated big budgeted Hollywood piece of crap. Keep em coming! I’m having a hoot nanny over here!