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Hills Have Eyes II (2007)
Written by: The Arrow
Director: Martin Weisz

Starring:
Michael McMillian/Napoleon
Jessica Stroup/Amber
Daniella Alonso/Missy
Jacob Vargas/Crank
PLOT-CRUNCH
A group of paper thin and incredibly inept National Guard trainees find themselves in the hills of wherever battling a family of mutated mooks. It’s morons versus deformed retards! Swell… just swell.
THE LOWDOWN
I so grooved to the original The Hills Have Eyes remake and was looking forward to this sequel. Even though the word on the horror street was that it blew pea soup chunks in Chef Boyardee’s hat; I marched in there willing and able to give it a clean shot at entertaining me silly. I so wanted to dig it! So did I? Take a wild guess!

HILLS 2’ initial premise had some potential in its clip! I mean any plotline that has armed soldiers battling zany malformed monsters is always good shit to me! I love horror, I worship action and I totally get off on them being gelled together. Regrettably for my sorry ass; my hopes for “fun f*cking times” went down the shitter the moment the film introduced its “shame to the uniform” military team. Whoever thought having a bunch of clumsy, do all the wrong moves, immature and weakling soldiers as heroes instead of a group of badasses a la “Predator gang” should have their heads and testies examined. How in Zeus’ name am I supposed to root for such a bunch of whiny, bickering and poseur clowns? Impossible!

The sad sack dialogue that leaked out of these zeroes’ holes made them all that much more irritating too. Personally, the last thing I want to hear from a good guy after seeing him gun down a mutant, in slow motion no less, is “beeyotch”. Not bitch, not beyatch… but beeyotch. Was this a military unit or Grade 5 schoolyard rejects? Pathetic! The flick failed me when it came to it’s connect the dots narrative structure and mundane action scenes as well. Plot wise, the film never deviated from your standard “horror/action” 101 mold, with every plot turn telegraphed eons ahead. So that was that on that as to surprises and suspense. As for the physical get downs; they were too few, brief, un-original and far between for them to deliver anything else but “meh”. And being that I had zero investment in the characters or the situation; let’s just say that it was tough for me to get jazzed about them when they went down.

Do I have anything positive to say about this blank filled cork-gun? Well some of the mutant designs were on the money (loved that chameleon rock dude) but alas the beasties were too underused for my liking. The gore effects by the always reliable KNB team did come through as to their execution... when I saw them that is. Alas, the blood shed was often shot in such a quickie way that I didn’t really get the opportunity to appreciate it. Finally; actress Jessica Stroup kept me awake when the rest of the film was hammering me to dead-sheep land. Now that was a great looking lady! Her sparkling blue eyes, button nose and full lips had me sit up more than once. Yup, I’m that guy!

All in all; The Hills Have Eyes 2 was a total let down. It belongs on the straight to DVD B-Movie shelves not the big screen. There was nothing exciting or memorable about this dreck. I was so bored and couldn’t wait for it to end! I hope you guys and dolls enjoy seeing idiots posing as soldiers wander around aimlessly within a dark mine; cause looking back that’s all I remember. NEXT IN LINE PLEASE!
GORE
Although the flick was nowhere near the gore fest that was the original remake; we got enough red grub to satisfy. I’m yapping: cut off arms, objects rammed in heads, nasty aftermath cadavers, stabbings, a slimy mutant tongue, mutant snot and more! Just don’t blink because the film cuts away from the goods very fast.
ACTING
Michael McMillian (Napoleon) was the better actor here. He was the more natural and credible of the lot. Jessica Stroup (Amber) often made up for her lack of emoting by being so damn photogenic. What a cutie! Daniella Alonso (Missy) did what she had to do; act tough and scream. Jacob Vargas (Crank) played the cocky a-hole well; too bad his juvenile dialogue often made him look bad. NOTE: To be fair to the actors; they didn't have much to play with as to characterization or good dialogue.
T & A
We get a pair of female cantaloupes early on. Bad news is: they were displayed while the dame was giving birth to a mutant. Nope leverage did not happen!
DIRECTING
Serviceable. That’s all that comes to mind when thinking of the film's visuals: serviceable. Apart from a couple of slick shots and some polished cinematography; nothing special or stand out here.
SOUNDTRACK
We get a strong, down and dirty electronic score that was way too quality inclined for this turd.
BOTTOM LINE
Trash (noun): anything worthless, useless, or discarded - rubbish - literary or artistic material of poor or inferior quality. I’ll take the “so bad its good” original 1985 “dog has flashbacks” The Hills Have Eyes 2 over this un-inspired, tension-less, thin on all counts and tedious to sit through effort. How anybody can make soldiers pitted against psycho mutants so damn dull, lazy and predictable, is beyond me! They should’ve cast Chuck Norris in this one; he at least would have livened things up with his moustache lips and death defying round kicks. I say wait for the DVD, and when it comes out ignore the f*ck out of it like that last one night stand you had. What a waste!
BULL'S EYE
The script was written by father and son team Wes Craven and Jonathan Craven.

Wes Craven wrote and directed The Hill Have Eyes 1 (1977) and 2 (1986).

Jonathan Craven wrote the 1995 stinker The Outpost aka The Mindripper which was initially slated to be The Hills Have Eyes 3.

BUTCHER THE OFFICIAL HHE2 SITE HERE

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2:46AM on 09/12/2014

Unrated

Unrated is the way to go with this movie.....I haven't seen the theatrical r-rated cut I assume you saw, but on dvd/bluray this movie is completely fucking brutal. On par with the first one, gore wise. Anyway, it doesn't have anything on the remake, but I still had a damn good time with it.
Unrated is the way to go with this movie.....I haven't seen the theatrical r-rated cut I assume you saw, but on dvd/bluray this movie is completely fucking brutal. On par with the first one, gore wise. Anyway, it doesn't have anything on the remake, but I still had a damn good time with it.
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1:20AM on 08/24/2014
Definitely think your review was WAY off, this was a really fun film and I found the characters likeable and the action scenes exciting.
Definitely think your review was WAY off, this was a really fun film and I found the characters likeable and the action scenes exciting.
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10:56AM on 01/22/2009
This is just like the Saw series, they got rid of the story and now they're just making mindless slashers. I found this one boring at times, and very predictable.
This is just like the Saw series, they got rid of the story and now they're just making mindless slashers. I found this one boring at times, and very predictable.
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+0
12:31AM on 07/18/2007
I don't understand the complete hate for this film. It was not great but I have seen worse. Mind you my expectations were very low. But I found the film to be a fun way to waste an hour and a half. I give it 2 stars out of four. I thought it was good. Not great. Needed more mutant action. If it gave me that this would have been 3 stars easy.
I don't understand the complete hate for this film. It was not great but I have seen worse. Mind you my expectations were very low. But I found the film to be a fun way to waste an hour and a half. I give it 2 stars out of four. I thought it was good. Not great. Needed more mutant action. If it gave me that this would have been 3 stars easy.
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+0
5:01PM on 06/30/2007

Suppose I havent seen first part yet

Suppose I havent seen first part yet then this movie will be very good for me but if we talk truly that I have seen then, the Concepts and ideas are improved in this movie and we can clearly say that this is second part, not like other movies in which second part fails to achieve expectations. Lack is in Acting and camera angels; whenever director tries to show that somebody is watching our heroes he often shows rocks and hills but not a solid scene even these rocks are not very good to show I
Suppose I havent seen first part yet then this movie will be very good for me but if we talk truly that I have seen then, the Concepts and ideas are improved in this movie and we can clearly say that this is second part, not like other movies in which second part fails to achieve expectations. Lack is in Acting and camera angels; whenever director tries to show that somebody is watching our heroes he often shows rocks and hills but not a solid scene even these rocks are not very good to show I mean just regular rocks. The best and new improvement is mines trap concept and I liked it. Soldiers stuff is not fits on characters even sometime they cant hold gun rightly. Suspense is good like first part. Throughout plot is good.
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2:01AM on 04/05/2007

Pretty bad even with low expectations.

Pretty weak sequel. Couldn't tell if it was poor writing or C - acting that had me laughing aloud at some of the dialouge that was spat out(a mixture of both i presume). Not enough of the mutants again, which is the only way this movie could have gone. Oh well. That blonde chick is smokin hot though, no doubt.
Pretty weak sequel. Couldn't tell if it was poor writing or C - acting that had me laughing aloud at some of the dialouge that was spat out(a mixture of both i presume). Not enough of the mutants again, which is the only way this movie could have gone. Oh well. That blonde chick is smokin hot though, no doubt.
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+0
1:50AM on 04/05/2007

shit, Shit, SHIT!!!

Worst movie I have seen all year. I absolutely loved the remake... This was garbage. The annoying characters and the obvious green screen shots were terrible. This movie should have gone straight to video, and straight in the garbage.
Worst movie I have seen all year. I absolutely loved the remake... This was garbage. The annoying characters and the obvious green screen shots were terrible. This movie should have gone straight to video, and straight in the garbage.
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2:52AM on 03/31/2007
Usually I agree with all the reviews on here, and usually arrow hits exactly what I want to say right on the head, but I couldnt disagree more with this movie. This movie isn't a perfect 4, and it is definately not better than the first one. However, I found this movie quite enjoyable. I would probably rate this a 2.75 but that isnt an option so a strong 3 is still well deserved. This movie was scary, nasty, brutal, and everything I want from a "the hills" sequal. I have to admit that the
Usually I agree with all the reviews on here, and usually arrow hits exactly what I want to say right on the head, but I couldnt disagree more with this movie. This movie isn't a perfect 4, and it is definately not better than the first one. However, I found this movie quite enjoyable. I would probably rate this a 2.75 but that isnt an option so a strong 3 is still well deserved. This movie was scary, nasty, brutal, and everything I want from a "the hills" sequal. I have to admit that the acting was pretty bad, and downright cheesey at some points, but I still think this movie was a decent sequal. I did not expect this one to top the first one, and it didn't. I guess what I liked about the film the most was the fact that they took it in a completely different direction. This time, we got to actually go into the mines, and the feeling it gives off is alot different. The first one, you get that feeling of being trapped in the big wide open with no one to hear you scream. This one has the same feel for half the movie, and the other half reminded me alot of the decent. In the mines, not knowing what is around the corner. I also liked the fact that in this one, they are actually trapped in the "hills" with no way to get down, which means even harder chance of escape. Bottom line... I dug it.. first one was better, but this one was good. I hope they make another. I think a final 3rd one to tie things up would be great.
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9:55PM on 03/25/2007
You guys are being way too generous. This movie was a disgrace to the genre, it's movies like this that make people wonder why people like horror movies.
You guys are being way too generous. This movie was a disgrace to the genre, it's movies like this that make people wonder why people like horror movies.
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3:50PM on 03/25/2007

I SAW THIS AS A $4.50 MATINEE

So I don't feel TOO bad. This thing unfolded the way I predicted, from how some of the people will be killed to who would survive in the end. Ho-hum. This, alas, will be the last time I see a sequel like this on the big screen. I'll wait for the DVD.
So I don't feel TOO bad. This thing unfolded the way I predicted, from how some of the people will be killed to who would survive in the end. Ho-hum. This, alas, will be the last time I see a sequel like this on the big screen. I'll wait for the DVD.
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8:51PM on 03/23/2007

So dissapointing!!!

I just feel so let down. The first one was amazing! I truly loved it. This though, this was...uuuu...The only thing i liked about it was that, unlike most bad sequals, it doesnt ruin my love for the first one. ...so bad....
I just feel so let down. The first one was amazing! I truly loved it. This though, this was...uuuu...The only thing i liked about it was that, unlike most bad sequals, it doesnt ruin my love for the first one. ...so bad....
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+0
7:53PM on 03/23/2007

just as i thought

I haven't seen the movie, but I ADORED the HHE Remake, but there was just something about the previews to this movie that made me think it was just gonna be awful.. .and lo and behold I was right. I'm not even gonna bother seeing this now.
I haven't seen the movie, but I ADORED the HHE Remake, but there was just something about the previews to this movie that made me think it was just gonna be awful.. .and lo and behold I was right. I'm not even gonna bother seeing this now.
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