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Hobo with a Shotgun(2011)
Written by: The Arrow
Director: Jason Eisener

Starring:
Rutger Hauer/Hobo
Molly Dunsworth/Abby
Brian Downey/Drake
Gregory Smith/Slick
5 10
PLOT-CRUNCH
A grimy bum (Rutget Hauer) rides in on a train into the RIDICULOUSLY crime ridden city of Hope. He gets pushed too far, gets a shot gun and blows away the human trash one pump and one shell at a time.
THE LOWDOWN
HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN has a “Rocky story” tagged to its ass. In 2007 when the Robert Rodriguez/Quentin Tarantino tag-team movie GRINDHOUSE was unleashed, they held an online contest as to who could whip up the best Grindhouse faux trailer. Jason Eisner beat everybody with a cane and won with his HoBo with a Shotgun trailer. And from that, he managed to get the feature off the ground with no other than Rutger “The Hitcher” Hauer in the lead. That in itself has to be applauded. So how’s the movie itself? Depends whom you ask. HOBO has been getting glowing reviews thus far, alas, I’m gonna be the a-hole that dives into the minority pool here. Although I respect what it did, I just didn’t get it. It felt like an inside joke that I wasn’t in on and the whole spiel went over my hollow head by a yard.

Now that’s not to say that there wasn’t some fun to be had here. The visual style was frenetically insane, the cinematography (by Montrealer Karim Hussain) kept reminding me of old school Giallos (interesting choice for a flick of this ilk) and some of the music so came through ( dug the 80’s like synthesizer moments). Money! Acting wise, Rutger Hauer was brilliant as the bum with a grudge against scum; he was actually the only character in the thing that felt like a real person as opposed to an over the top, forever yapping pastiche. On its end; the so bad its good dialogue had me laughing out loud in places. It’s hard to go wrong with nuttie lines like: “I’m gonna wash this blood off with your blood” and this fucko was filled to the brim with them. Then we had the ample exploitation goodies hitting the g-spot. I am actually surprised that this got an R Rating here in Canada as it went beyond burning the envelope, it wiped its ass with it and didn’t bother to wash its hands afterwards. No human ugliness rock was left unturned! A pedophile, a human piñata whacked by topless hoes, kids wasted in a harsh way, corrupt cops, blood, endless guts…pure f*cking bedlam! The same M.O was applied to the female flesh quota. All ya can eat jigglies! I had to pinch myself a couple of times to make sure I was in a movie theatre and not in a strip club spending money to get cock teased and go home with a case of blue balls. Finally; the flick did sport a couple of fanboy pleasing "cool" moments that got my jockeys in a bunch (all about them two demon dudes hanging peeps with spear-guns... dope!) So what’s my freaking problem then? Sounds like fun freaking times right? Where did this one lose me?

Thing was, HOBO just went against my own individual affinities in terms of what I dig in a vigilante-ish, dirt cheapo, bang-bang jamboree. There was no story, no stakes and the lead aside, I didn’t give a rats ass about anybody in this petting Zoo. Shite, even the hooker (admirably played by Molly Kathleen Dunsworth) with a heart of gold angle bored me to tears and her interactions with Hobo were so flat that it left me stone cold. Furthermore; the movie had a couple of scenes that felt like "pad the clock time" filler and the finale went so far in terms of stepping outside of any semblance of reality that it totally lost me. Bottom line; although they got the initial premise right; what they did with it just didn't do it for me. As I’ve said a zillion times in past reviews (so make that a zillion and 1); humor is HIGHLY subjective. What is a blast to one will be lame to another. And Hobo's juvenile, yuk-yuk streak evoked groans out of me as opposed to Dr. Giggles. For example: every time the main villain The Drake (Brian Downey hamming it up to a nauseating degree) and his two nitwit sons Slick (Gregory Smith) and Ivan (Nick Bateman) would open their yappers, I wanted to blow my brains out and call it a day (to be fair, Slick kind of grew on me after a while). On the whole, let me make this simple for ya: the more the clock ticked forward the sillier it got and the sillier it got, the less interested I became. This was like the last 20 minutes of MACHETE but for 80 minutes and by way of TROMA. Not my bag! But again… that’s just me, I know lots of people that love this kind of shit, I’m just not one of them.

Before our screening they played a bunch of Grindhouse trailers; one of them was for the Chuck Norris round-kick party AN EYE FOR AN EYE (1981). Unfortunately due to a technical problem; the trailer was cut short and I have been trying to find it online since. All that to say, coming out of my HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN screening; all I kept thinking about was that Chuck Norris trailer and how I had to clock the whole thing A f*cking SAP. Yup, HOBO was already a distant memory. I live for old school vigilante flicks, movie that use the classic Western set-up (stranger rides into town and cleans it up) to launch a barrage of manly-man violence upon the screen. But I like them more on the straight up side (like HARRY BROWN ), not blended in with "dumb and proud of it" TROMA like tendencies. To each his own! Off to go beg for some change I go! I need a new sprinkler.
GORE
The gore gags in the film were pretty much the MAIN REASONS to see it so I won’t spoil them here but will say this: get ready for mucho dismemberment, body damage and grisly shootings.
T & A
There were so many titties in here that I lost count… nothing wrong with that!
BOTTOM LINE
If you like Troma movies, you'll probably dig on this one (Troma fan Chris Bumbray gave it a 9 on 10)! Me? Troma aint my thing. With that, there was talent behind HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN, no doubt. The directing was wild, Rutger owned it and the special effects hit the spot. Alas although I esteemed the movie for its balls to the wall, take no prisoners, f*ck the prom queen in the ass attitude; there just wasn’t enough meat to it for me to care about the happenings onscreen and the sense of humor went so far; that it crossed my threshold of what I think is entertaining. So instead of laughing throughout. I was enduring the over the top and childish inanity that was unfolding before me. But again that’s just my sorry ass. I still urge ya to check it out for yourself when it opens in your parts. We got to support movies like this one, the ones that take chances, it’s the only way we’ll get more of them.
BULL'S EYE
Look for Canuck actor Robb Wells from Trailer Park Boys in a small role.

Canuck host George Stroumboulopoulos also has a cool cameo.
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