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House of Wax (2005)
Written by: The Arrow
Director: Jaume Serra

Starring:
Elisha Cuthbert/Carly
Chad Michael Murray/Nick
Brian Van Holt/Bo/Vincent
Paris Hilton/Paige
PLOT-CRUNCH
Cookie cutter teens on their way to a football game get detoured, stranded and eventually butchered by two loony wax loving bro-hams who have “kill” on the fritz. Should’ve called this one The Texas Ear Wax Massacre.
THE LOWDOWN
I can’t say that I’ve been too boner induced with Dark Castle’s slate of body bags thus far. After the fun “The House on the Haunted Hill” they went on to make lots of crap. I’m talking: 13 Crap, Ghost Shit and Gothikrap! So I was expecting House of Crap when sitting in that sticky theatre seat to view their latest abortion. Did I get my just crapola dessert?

Well yes and no. House of Wax was an odd experience for me where on paper; it was ho-hum to say the least but I still managed to digest its rotten meat to have a good time with it none the less. Lets face it, the storyline at play here reeked of “been there done that” (its TCM but with wax), the slim fast characters actually managed to go beneath “types” (along with their sad sack relationships) while the plot turns were see through, right down to the “final, pre end credit revelation” that I guessed 5 minutes before it was uttered. Having said that, I still enjoyed lots of it…why? Three reasons: 1- The wax angle brought mucho creepy, eerie, cringe inducing and at times somewhat novel scenarios to the plate (loved that wax house stuff). 2- The potent directing often spruced up this meatball to sizzle. 3- The high level of graphic brutality (gore baby, gore) tagged with a delicious mean spirit-ness and a warped sense of humor. This bitch didn’t take any prisoners when it came to delivering the ugly goods! It reveled in sadism and I highly respected that.

Sadly, the plentiful sour-Ketchup, laced goodies didn’t change the fact that the build-up to get to them was way too long! I felt like I was watching a Russian submarine epic over here! Get on with it already! Now don’t get me wrong, I love a strategically paced film as much as the next a-hole, but this felt like dicking around within a shaky narrative structure in the name of padding time. It sure wasn’t about unraveling and strengthening a weighty story or characters. Personally, it’s really hard for me to remain patient when I don’t give two shits about the lead players, feel insulted by the miserable attempts at characterization (she’s pregnant…I guess she’s a real person then…who gives a shit) and can predict 95% of the “surprises” that are going to happen eons before they do. All that to say, the bodies couldn’t have hit the wax floor soon enough!

Overall, House of Wax was a pedestrian and actually dumber than the norm “stranded teens, hunted by psychos” entry that I forgave due to its endearing mean streak, its red splashes and it solid production values. I say take a bite out of it but don’t do like me and think too hard about it afterwards. The more I linger on the movie, the stupider it gets. Now go wax that Hilton ass!
GORE
You know what? Since the kills were the highlights of the film, I won’t give them away in th9is section. I’ll just say this; look out for the one that gets a “pole job”…one of for the damn Kill Book of Fun Stuff.
ACTING
Elisha Cuthbert (Carly) ran, screamed and ran some more. Good job…I guess. NOTE: Nice cleavage on that animal. Chad Michael Murray (Nick) reminded me of Ryan Phillipe’s character in "I Know What You Did Last Summer" but with facial hair. I’ll give the guy this, he had focus and presence and those were the main reasons as to why his character stood out. Brian Van Holt (Bo/Vincent) reminded me of Bill Paxton for some reason. I bought it! Paris Hilton (Paige) can’t act and looks sedated half the time but I’d tap that ass with everything I got! There’s just something about the dame that makes her so damn “f*ckable”. Jared Padalecki (Wade) wasn’t given much to do, but he said his lines with conviction while showcasing striking light beard stubble. Jon Abrahams (Dalton) played the “video camera dweeb” adequately. And here I thought that character-type had died in the 90’s…I WAS WRONG…bugh.
T & A
aris Hilton showed off her hot bod in sexy red undergarments (I preferred seeing her suck knob on the net but that’s just me) and the ladies get buffed up, shirtless dudes left and right.
DIRECTING
Jaume Serra’s music video background made sure to make the film’s visuals winning in an eye-candy way. He also had a strong knack at building tension and got me good with a couple of “boo scares”. Respectable stuff.
SOUNDTRACK
The score by John Ottman often elevated the excitement factor to a higher level. I dug it the most! We also get some random “lets sell that soundtrack” rock/rap tunes.
BOTTOM LINE
Was this House of Wax or House of Crap? Let’s see…generic plot? ZINGO! Pathetically drawn out characters/relationships? ZINGO! A long winded first hour and a so-so script structure? ZINGO! So why am I calling it House of Wax as opposed to tossing it in the trash can next to my ex girlfriend’s severed head? Well in my morgue, savage cruelty, nasty gore, chilling/grandiose wax creations and Paris Hilton’s nickleback butt cheeks go a long way. Conclusion; when the end credits rolled I was happy to have taken a bite out of this “assembly line” yet hot pepper spicy cheese-burger. You gonna order one of these or what? Your call!
BULL'S EYE
The flick is a remake, in name only to the 1953 classic of the same name starring Vincent Price.

Screenwriter Chad Hayes also wrote some Baywatch episodes and the upcoming Stephen Hokins genre opus The Reaping.

The movie was shot in Australia

VISIT THE HOUSE OF WAX WEBSITE

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12:07PM on 05/23/2010

Really underrated slasher

I love this flick. Its not only an underrated remake, its an underrated HORROR film in general. Its a great slasher with surprisingly good direction, potent atmosphere and style (Loved the "in the dark" kill) and characters you could get behind. I actually liked a lot of these fuckers and didn't want them to die. The brother sister duo was a nice touch and the two leads had good chemistry together. Elisha Cuthbert is one hell of a badass final girl. She's a bit more smart and tough then your
I love this flick. Its not only an underrated remake, its an underrated HORROR film in general. Its a great slasher with surprisingly good direction, potent atmosphere and style (Loved the "in the dark" kill) and characters you could get behind. I actually liked a lot of these fuckers and didn't want them to die. The brother sister duo was a nice touch and the two leads had good chemistry together. Elisha Cuthbert is one hell of a badass final girl. She's a bit more smart and tough then your average final girl in a slasher and I dig how they arent afraid to beat the crap out of her. Sure, most final girls end up with a few cuts a bruise, but this bitch got a finger tip cut off and her mouth super glued shut. What a trooper! To top it off House of Wax sports a great build up, a nasty mean streak and damn good effects.
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1:38PM on 05/16/2010

Sorry to rain on your parade...

I feel bad for taking down the score, becasue everyone seemed to love the film...and don't get me wrong, i enjoyed the film A LOT but mostly on a superficial level. I was never scared and I felt almsot no suspense. The characters were annoying and undeveloped (like seriously what was teh point of having it TAKE so long to get to the horror if you're going to give us six characters I could not care less about).
BUT The acting was MOSTLY decent (Paris Hilton sucked, no surprise). And the
I feel bad for taking down the score, becasue everyone seemed to love the film...and don't get me wrong, i enjoyed the film A LOT but mostly on a superficial level. I was never scared and I felt almsot no suspense. The characters were annoying and undeveloped (like seriously what was teh point of having it TAKE so long to get to the horror if you're going to give us six characters I could not care less about).
BUT The acting was MOSTLY decent (Paris Hilton sucked, no surprise). And the death scenes were gory and awesome, and the finale of the movie was AMAZING and that is when some of the suspense actually kicked in!
Overall, i had an OKAY time with the film.
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+1
1:25PM on 06/15/2007

Great Movie

I loved how House Of Wax was a re-make but ONLY by name, the plot was brand new and I thought well written, the kills were all good and I thought all the acting was spot on. Paris Hilton's chase is easily one of the best I have seen in recent films.

House Of wax rocked my boat at every turn. Nice job.
I loved how House Of Wax was a re-make but ONLY by name, the plot was brand new and I thought well written, the kills were all good and I thought all the acting was spot on. Paris Hilton's chase is easily one of the best I have seen in recent films.

House Of wax rocked my boat at every turn. Nice job.
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+0
10:18AM on 12/31/2005

AN EXCELLENT PIECE OF HORROR FILM

This movie was so awesome! Great scares, cool action, awesome horror & gore. I recommend this to all the horror fans! This movie rules! I don't get how many people consider this as crap mainly because it was made by Dark Castle, a B-Movie Company and because of Paris Hilton. The effects were great so who the hell cares about Paris Hilton or Dark Castle. This movie is simply excellent no matter what the hell!
This movie was so awesome! Great scares, cool action, awesome horror & gore. I recommend this to all the horror fans! This movie rules! I don't get how many people consider this as crap mainly because it was made by Dark Castle, a B-Movie Company and because of Paris Hilton. The effects were great so who the hell cares about Paris Hilton or Dark Castle. This movie is simply excellent no matter what the hell!
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3:55AM on 12/29/2005

I loved House Of Wax!

I know a lot of people hate on House Of Wax but I think it's the best horror of 2005, I thought Paris Hilton did well too (How people even say she was terrible with what she was given to do amazes me) but Elisha Cuthbert has gone way up in my estimation, She played Carley so well.
I know a lot of people hate on House Of Wax but I think it's the best horror of 2005, I thought Paris Hilton did well too (How people even say she was terrible with what she was given to do amazes me) but Elisha Cuthbert has gone way up in my estimation, She played Carley so well.
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4:09PM on 10/09/2005

Great slasher movie

I really enjoyed this slasher movie. It feel like an out school slasher film with it's nasty gore.
My major let down is Paris Hilton really can't act, he acting would of seemed bad by Friday The 13th standards. But I didn't let that minor fact ruin this great movie.
I really enjoyed this slasher movie. It feel like an out school slasher film with it's nasty gore.
My major let down is Paris Hilton really can't act, he acting would of seemed bad by Friday The 13th standards. But I didn't let that minor fact ruin this great movie.
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12:18AM on 07/29/2005

House of Wax (2005)

There has been lots of hate on this movie, mainly because of Paris Hilton. I also think it was spit upon for being made by Dark Castle, who as most people know, is not a great horror film company. House of Wax and their first film House on Haunted Hill are their only two good films. Despite these negative issues, House turns out to be a very surprising slasher movie. Since Scream, we have been bombarded with horrible slashers with dumb ass killers, plots, victims and no gore. Only recently has
There has been lots of hate on this movie, mainly because of Paris Hilton. I also think it was spit upon for being made by Dark Castle, who as most people know, is not a great horror film company. House of Wax and their first film House on Haunted Hill are their only two good films. Despite these negative issues, House turns out to be a very surprising slasher movie. Since Scream, we have been bombarded with horrible slashers with dumb ass killers, plots, victims and no gore. Only recently has the 70's and 80's style been seeping in. House is an amazing example of the 80's slasher coming back in style. Even in the most pathetic 70's or 80's slasher, you have to admit that it has a touch of dread or atmosphere. House brings that much loved tradition back and delivers us some creepy atmospheric scenes. The gore is astounding. Every death has real punch and is worth seeing the film for. Don't worry about this movie not suppling the goods in the gore department. The acting is all superb. The actors give thier carboard cutouts personality and soul. Even Hilton manages to get some sympathy during her very suspenseful and tense chase scene. The real stars of the film are Elisha Cuthbert, whom I feel in lve with after seeing The Girl Next Door, and Chad Michael Murry, who surprised the hell out of me with his very weel done performance. These two have chemistry and that's always nice. The direction is also well done. It's visuals are some what Argento-esque at times. A horror film works best with strong visuals and House delivers. Dripping wax, creepy wax figures, not to mention tons of nasty murders and sets are the highlights here.

I'm sure I might be too nice on the film, but I fell people were trying to read too much into it. Watch it as if you had just discovered it in an old video store. If you do this, you'll find yourself surprised and always entertained.
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