ARROW IN THE HEAD REVIEWS

001577
Search by title # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Jonah Hex (2010)
Written by: The Arrow
Director: Jimmy Hayward

Starring:
Josh Brolin/Jonah
John Malkovich/Quentin
Megan Fox/Lilah
PLOT-CRUNCH
Bounty Hunter cowboy (Brolin) with a mangled face, a chip on his shoulder and a couple of supernatural tricks up his sleeve gets his spurs in a bunch when his mortal nemesis (Malkovich) resurfaces with a bad hair doo and a plan to…you guessed it…destroy the US of A.
THE LOWDOWN
WARNING; Jonah Hex comic book fans will be bummed to see that the flick wasn’t too faithful to its source material. What else is new…

I was so jazzed for JONAH HEX it wasn’t even funny. It had enough bullets in its chamber to be a badass genre blast in Western land. A script by madmen Mark Neveldine & Brian Taylor, solid actor Josh Brolin and Queen-Bee-hottie Megan Fox in the leads, and rich roots in terms of the comic books it spawned from. Even when I heard the word “re-shoots” before its release I didn’t flinch, I still had my hopes up. Then the negative press starting pouring in, I didn’t give a cracker-shit, I still believeeeeeed in Hex! Now I saw the movie…ummm…yeah.

Let’s start with the good schtuff. Even though I wanted Thomas Jane in the lead, Brolin filled Hex’s shoes flawlessly. Physically imposing, quick with the dead pan quips and looking mucho cool firing guns and shit, I loved his interpretation of the character and kept wishing to see him in a real movie. Megan Fox fared well too. Her part was small but when she was onscreen, she stood out, not only due to her sizzling looks and inviting cleavage, but also cause she did a fine f*cking job. Chick gets lots of hate (cough, cough jealousy, cough, cough) and in my opinion she is bashed way too harshly. I’m not saying she’s Cate Blanchett or anything, but she did what she had to do well. Visually, the movie had it moments; eye pleasing locations, slick aesthetics (loved the animated prologue), an often on the move camera and effective CGI effects. Moreover, some of the actions scenes came through and Hex’s nifty weapons carved a smile on my neck. I really dug them dynamite slinging guns – fun times! Could use those in my neighborhood. Oh and if you have a KABOOM fetish (i.e. you dig watching shit blow up), this puppy had some that will have ya kaboom in your pants. Ouuuuu loud noise…ouuu ample fire…me likey.

What dragged this sucker down to the depths of mediocrity was its half baked and badly patched together would-be storyline, which I won’t blame the screenwriters for since it reeked of post production abuse. So I blame the producers who were too busy shaping a product instead of a film. The movie was totally in the dark when it came to doing its gnarly scenarios justice (less dazzle more edge please), limp when it came to capitalizing on its awesome lead character and in delivering a cohesive and well paced tale. And who’s the donkey that thought slashing out the violence for a PG 13 was a good idea? I’d love his name because his wife is in dire need of a dry butt fudge. Every time a potent violent bit was gonna kick in, the flick would CUT AWAY to not show shit. Look man this is JONAH HEX not the Care Bears, it’s a movie about a rage filled Bounty hunter kicking ass and burning names, CUT AWAY and don’t see shit didn’t belong here! Sigh.

And was it me or did the film lack action? I craved more gun play, more fist fights, more carnage, it needed it. Maybe if the narrative would have been engaging, I wouldn’t have jonesed so much for further bang-bang. And what was up with the tone being all over the place? The picture didn‘t seem to know what it wanted to be. There was a constant tug of war between gritty supernatural revenge flick and fluffy summer PopCorn flick. It should have stuck to the latter. Finally, the villain’s (played by John Malkovich on auto pilot) motive was, well, how I can put this, lamer than this so called review. Why do big Hollywood movies always have to have the same plotline? Why does the baddie always want to blow some part of the world up? Jonah seeking revenge would have been enough for me.

All in all, I came, I saw, I was under whelmed, I left. Jonah Hex could’ve been but the powers that be made sure that didn’t happen. Yo Hollywood! Less wasting money, less suits playing director, less cocaine, less ego trips, more filmmaking please!
GORE
All off screen. All that was missing was some glitter.
T & A
Megan Fox + cleavage friendly dress + sweat = Arrow happy.
BOTTOM LINE
Hollywood pussyfied vampires and now they just did the same with Jonah Hex, shame on ya! This should have been a no brainer. Cool anti hero whooping ass in the name of retribution in the old West. They f*cked it up, think a bunch of monkeys trying to screw in a hooker. Yeah Brolin rocked, Fox delivered and a couple of action scenes hit the spot. Too bad all that was within a slap-dash structured, meek storytelling skills narrative with neutered violence and a schizo tone to boot. See it on DVD as a time waster. And here's hoping for a unrated Director’s Cut that does it right.
BULL'S EYE
Neveldine and Taylors were initially gonna direct, but they stepped down when they didn’t see eye to eye with the Studio. Good on ya guys!

The flick had a week of re-shoots tagged to its ass with Constantine director Francis Lawrence stepping in to back-up director Jimmy Hayward.

Heavy metal band Mastodon did the score. It was too seldomly used for it to leave a mark.

Thomas Jane will voice Hex in the upcoming animated short.
Strikeback
Not registered? Sign-up!
Or

1:15PM on 06/21/2010
Have not seen it and won't by reading your review's.
The Producers got what they deserved for making an R-rated comic into a PG-13 movie.
The run-time alone is only 80 minutes which really means 75 minutes of actual movie and 5 minutes of credits.
It's extremely obvious they chopped the ever living hell out of it.
The writers of this movie should go fuck themselves. You had the opportunity to use all that comic book material but instead your ego's took control thus destroying any hope
Have not seen it and won't by reading your review's.
The Producers got what they deserved for making an R-rated comic into a PG-13 movie.
The run-time alone is only 80 minutes which really means 75 minutes of actual movie and 5 minutes of credits.
It's extremely obvious they chopped the ever living hell out of it.
The writers of this movie should go fuck themselves. You had the opportunity to use all that comic book material but instead your ego's took control thus destroying any hope for this comic book series.
You would think producers or Hollywood would learn from the R-rated comic book movie "Sin City" Box Office take 158 million. Did Robert Rod stay true the material? Yes.
Your Reply:



9:25PM on 06/18/2010
Can't wait for the remake!
Can't wait for the remake!
Your Reply:



8:41PM on 06/18/2010
Boo, I was so hoping for this to kick some major ass, Brolin looked great in the previews (and it seems he's the only saving grace of the film) and I was hoping for one awesome, supernatural western action horror flick, but THEN a PG-13 comes flying my way and reviews rolling in of a runtime of 80 freaking minutes and I knew this was another studio "screw me in the ass" special.....Neveldine and Taylor I love and with them attached this should have screamed over the top offensive and awesome R,
Boo, I was so hoping for this to kick some major ass, Brolin looked great in the previews (and it seems he's the only saving grace of the film) and I was hoping for one awesome, supernatural western action horror flick, but THEN a PG-13 comes flying my way and reviews rolling in of a runtime of 80 freaking minutes and I knew this was another studio "screw me in the ass" special.....Neveldine and Taylor I love and with them attached this should have screamed over the top offensive and awesome R, but now I dont blame them for stepping down as the studios had this ready for the chopping block before it got started, not to mention that they bothered putting it out with the juggernaut that is Toy Story 3 and you have the deepest buried movie in a long time.....sigh

Looks like my free ticket for the theater will go for something else now :(
Your Reply:



4:51PM on 06/18/2010

Watchable.

I went in with a nauseating feeling like a $10 bill was getting sucked outta my ass and came out feeling like it was only a $5 bill.

That is to say I didn't entirely hate it. It was better than Transformers 2. I liked it more than Ghost Rider. But wish I rented it instead. It is worth the watch but not on the big screen.

Now where can I get a replica of his guns?
I went in with a nauseating feeling like a $10 bill was getting sucked outta my ass and came out feeling like it was only a $5 bill.

That is to say I didn't entirely hate it. It was better than Transformers 2. I liked it more than Ghost Rider. But wish I rented it instead. It is worth the watch but not on the big screen.

Now where can I get a replica of his guns?
Your Reply:



Mistress Of The Week

More
Shayk, Irina