The Arrow Reviews

So 22 years after the first film what did we get? The prequel that Eric Red had written for Joel Schumacher that explored the origins of the vamp-gang from the first one? NOPE! The once planned THE LOST GIRLS that if done right could’ve given us a sexy, boobies inclined and “different” type of follow up? NADA. We get a low budget; undercooked rethread of the original… oh… okay…….that’s it? Ummm….thanks a lot…FOR NATHING!

I’ll give THE LOST BOYS 2: THE TRIBE this; it sported hints of wit and some intentional funny bits that worked (like how the gang kept teasing each other via pain or the quirky Aunt dame doing her thang). It also put out a couple of cute winks at the original (the return of the saxophone dude…LOL), amusing over the top gore gags and random nifty visual moments. But for the love of the boa that resides in my pants, who the f*ck thought that a basic and shameless repeat of the original was the way to go? Like really? WHO? This follow up didn’t only steal some of the main narrative beats and character dynamics of the first film, it also blatantly ripped huge chunks of dialogue off it. I’m all for homage; but them moments reeked of plagiarism and laziness to me. Make your own film dammit!

To make matters more grating; THE TRIBE went on to go against everything that made the original the gem that it is. The pacing was sluggish (especially in the second half), our hero siblings fairly bland, the bulk of the shooting style uninspired, the evolution of the narrative choppy, the subplots rushed and the music (which was one of the strengths of the original) lackluster. Moreover apart from the nutty black vamp and Shane the fanged leader (more on that douche soon), the vampire duders in this film were interchangeable and  forgettable. No Marco or Star here that’s for sure! And what was up with the out of a grab-bag vampire makeup? Meh, didn't do much for me other than evoke groans and flatulence. Result – I DIDN’T CARE and was far from IMPRESSED!

Which brings us to good old Shane (actually played by Kiefer Sutherland’s half brother Angus Sutherland), basically this sequel’s answer to too cool for school David (Kiefer Sutherland) in the original. Yes he looked the part, dressed foppish chic, was a perm whore and owned a nifty pair of goggles that I envied. With that spat,  his attempts at being “cool”, “seductive” and “mysterious” were pathetic and downright laughable. What about his "menace" factor? LMAO! Nough said. It didn’t help matters that he spoke like he had 10 Jamaican dicks stuffed down his throat. I couldn’t understand half of the shit he mumbled. On the upside, I at least got some good laughs at the character’s expense. Every time he popped up, marbling away, I was in stitches!

Stake on top of that the talented Corey Feldman; not working 100% here (the Frog shtick was aces when he was a kid, as an adult... it was a deuce), some random iffy dialogue, a YAWN cover of Cry Little Sister, annoying plot holes, shitty CG/green screen work and all kinds of fluffy scenes that went on for way too long (blatant FILLER!) and you get a gooey spit in the eye of the first film. My advice you either skip it and watch the first one again or down mucho Tequila shots before tackling it. That way you may LAUGH AT IT as opposed to picking up your TV and throwing it out the window. CRY LITTLE ARROW THOU SEQUEL SUCKS!

PINCH A LOAF ON THE LB2 OFFICIAL SITE HERE