Monster Man (2003)
Director: Michael Davis
Michael Nailey Smith/Monster Man
Anal retentive Adam (Jugmann) and his a-hole bud Harley (Urich) are on a road trip, heading to see Adamâ€™s dream girl whoâ€™s getting married to some chump. Yes, Adam wants to declare his undying love to her before she ties the knotâ€¦silly boy. Their trip eventually becomes â€śA Nightmare on Road Kill Streetâ€ť when they peeve off some murderous ghoul who likes to amputate people with his HUGE and hellish monster truck. Let the gore derby begin!
On this highway, the road kill is HUMAN!
There is a fine line between what makes a genre scene horrific and what makes it funny shite. "Dead Alive" crossed that line, "Re-Animator" did too and "Monster Man" follows in those very footsteps, willingly taking those extra leaps, crossing that invisible threshold within its genre conventions and aiming to be humorous. That was its game, sometimes to the point of â€śspoofingâ€ť the genre a la â€śScary Movieâ€ť, and you know what? It worked on my toked up ass like a Dublin whore stroking my one leaf clover (donâ€™t ask, I donâ€™t even know what that means).
Taking its cue from "Jeepers Creepers" and 70â€™s like monster/cannibal clan opusesâ€™, Monster Man first offered some â€śdĂ©jĂ vuâ€ť ingredients, to then crank them up to OVER THE TOP (no, NOT the Stallone classic) to reach comedic peaks of high altitude. For example, the truck which the baddie drove was more than just a simple motor vehicle...it was a freakin' monster truck with the body of a Dinosaur, wheels the size of my VISA bill and a beast-like persona to boot (I loved seeing that truck roar). Eat your gay undertones out Creeper! The same type of â€śbigâ€ť behavior was applied to the horror jive and the gore set pieces which had a tendency to leap so far off the chart in the extreme and disgusting, that they cracked my silly bootie up. Let's just say, it's not every day that you see a dude tongue a catâ€™s bloody carcass while sleeping and dreaming of wet twat. FUN STUFF!!!
The cleverly written banter between the two leads also slapped a grin on my dumbfounded mug. The dialogue was "on" and the actors up to it via their solid deliveries. Does hearing the connection between pubic trimming and hood ornaments peak your interest? Do statements on silicone tits and what happens to them once they hit the grave fascinate you on a primal level? YES? Well, youâ€™ll be well served here. The film also injected some genuine knee-slapping sight gags into its narrative. Wait till you see Adam go â€śVelcroâ€ť on our asses...freaking hilarious! And you havenâ€™t lived until youâ€™ve seen a girl ride the pony while mimicking Yodaâ€™s voice and spurting out his wisdom. What a turn-on! I felt like a better a-hole after viewing that scene. Iâ€™ll have to try that! DO OR DO NOT, THERE IS NO TRY MOFOS!
On the flat tire side of things, more often than none, the flick was too busy being a comedy to fully capitalize on its hot horror spices. I needed more balance between the laughs and the fear. Every time it started getting tense, it would cut it short to be funny again. There was potential for more suspense here! Lastly, the ending semi-grated me with the obligatory explanatory monologue going on for way too long and the reason behind the madness not really being that interesting in the first place. Couldâ€™ve come up with something more swift and catchy than that! I know the â€śexplanationâ€ť was made to be jokey, poking fun at the convention, but I just didnâ€™t laugh or give a fudge about it on any level.
Luckily, the finale made up for its initial endless yapping with the zany, clever, giggle inducing (I cracked on the one-liners) and red wet messy scenarios that followed. Add to that, a hot babe in a school girl skirt in the guise of lick-able Aimee Brooks, a well made twisted looking man-beast (Smith) with an F-ed up walk and a fly-by-your-pants pace and you get a very gnarly hour and half of horror fun. Want to party hard? Dial up THE MONSTER!
The Chili is served yokels! We get a head crushed in a vice, some road kill licking, amputated limbs, a crushed head, gross mangled up corpses, human remains, a slit throat, pen in the eyes, an impaling and more! It's finger paint time!
Talk about typecasting! Eric Jugmann (Adam) played a parody of a nerdy, insecure guy whoâ€™s in love with a hot chick in â€śNot Another Teen Movieâ€ť and here, he played the exact same role. Well, he worked! Justin Urich (Harley) played an a-hole in "Rage: Carrie 2" and here he plays a loveable a-hole. He worked too! Aimee Brooks (Sarah) was great eye candy and nailed her partâ€™s many facets while Michael Nailey Smith (Monster Man) looked mucho threatening (big guy) and displayed some bang-on physical acting (loved the walk)
T & A
The ladies get both Jugmann and Ulrich in their underwear and us dudes get hottie Aimee Brooks in her undergarments. What a yummy looking stomach she had! Sadly, it seems that the broad likes to have sex with her top on. Oddâ€¦very oddâ€¦
Davis delivered with a slick look, a tight pace, kool use of slow motion and groovy emphasis on colors. The cinematography was also gorgeous. I adored the way the hills and the massive clouds came off. NICE!
We get some tacky pop music, rock songs and kooky ditties. Effective.
Think of â€śMonster Manâ€ť as â€śJeepers Creepersâ€ť stoner cousin. It sported similar elements as the aforementioned flick, but pushed them further to evoke yuks-yuks. Sure, I wouldâ€™ve appreciated more pure scares in my drink, but that didnâ€™t affect the flickâ€™s â€śrideâ€ť value. With its strong dose of â€śout of lineâ€ť comedy, sometimes at the genreâ€™s expense, and its extreme display of gory goods, "Monster Man" had me having a blast in my seat most of the time. Let this monster run you over!
Michael Davis also wrote and directed the Keri Russell movie "Eight Days a Week".
He also penned the screenplay for the â€śDouble Dragonâ€ť movie.
"Monster Man" has yet to announce a release date.