ARROW IN THE HEAD REVIEWS

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My Bloody Valentine 3D (2009)
Written by: The Arrow
Director: Patrick Lussier

Starring:
Jensen Ackles/Tom
Jaime King/Sarah
Kerr Smith /Axe
Tom Atkins/Burkel
PLOT-CRUNCH
A mining accident in a small Pennsylvania town launches nutty miner Harry Warden into a killing spree that ends with him getting axed out. Or does it? Ten years later, it seems that Mr. Warden is back from the dead to shove is trustee pick-axe up the anal orifices of the town folks. Hey! A man's gotta cut the edge somehow!!
THE LOWDOWN

He's gonna break your heart.

I love slasher films when they stay true to what they are. In my useless opinion, a dead horny teens abattoir opus with no splat or female ta-tas in tow is the equivalent of a steak without mash potatoes and gravy on the side. IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE! I don't watch these kinds of films for character development, an intricate storyline or to be affected emotionally. It's all about the cheap thrills! Now I didn't care much for the original MY BLOODY VALENTINE. It sure didn't help that I saw it in full on MPAA butchered mode with the exploitation goods MIA. The Uncut version has since surfaced on DVD so you bet your patoosky that I’ll be giving it a shot, see it the way it was intended to be seen. But till then here are my 4 cents on the remake.

I can't really compare the remake to the original for the simple fact that I don't remember the latter much, if at all. So MY BLOOODY VALENTINE 3D will get the Arrow Treatment on its own. My verdict? LOVED IT! I actually followed the TV Spots’ advice and brought a date to this one. She yelled and giggled constantly like a banshee getting fiercely back-handed. As for me, I was shouting "f*ck yeah" at every murder. Yup this had to be one of the most amusing times I had at the theaters in a while. The storyline was engaging, the whole was slickly shot & edited, the kills had lots of thoughts behind them, the whodunit had me ping-pong-ing non stop (I really figured out the “who” at the last act), the pacing was bam-bam-bam while the plasma and the smut was spread thick on both sides of the slice. AS IT SHOULD BE!

Nutso Harry Warden not only had a killer look (that miner outfit made for a terrifying image), he also definitely got way angrier since the 1981 original. He had no problem here with shoving his pick-axe in people's skulls, their eye sockets or under their chins to rip their jaws out. The broheem had a dead aim and a quench for OUCH that I MUCHO respected. The film's shameless take on its nudity also had my Jeans bumping and grinding. It's not every day you see a FULLY NUDE gal, burger in full view, running away from a hulking maniac with SLAUGHTER on the fritz. It made my freaking day! The acting was on the ball as well by the young cast and the veterans alike. I gotta say it; the presence of “Forever Road House” Kevin Tighe and the great Tom Atkins in a REAL role (that echoed what he did in Night of the Creeps) carved a smile on my face that couldn’t be erased.

And what about the 3D angle? Did it add to the party? Damn straight! I went out of my way to find a theater that played it in 3D (wasn’t hard to pin down on my end). There was no f*cking way I'd see this in 2D. I’m sure tackling it this way maximized the experience BIG TIME. I esteemed how the 3D went beyond shite flying out the screen. The whole of the environment was in 3D right down to Betsy Rue’s high beams (which I tried to suckle on – yeah my date loved that!). Last time I had such a hoot with sharp objects being thrown at me was when I saw FRIDAY THE 13 PART 3 in 3D on the big screen and through my last steady girlfriend who had quite a powerful throwing arm. Ahhh the good old days of ducking kitchen utensils. How I miss thee.

Any gripes with this mofo? A couple. Some silly character moves to serve the plot were abound, but that's a usual slasher ailment, they have to be dumb to get whacked. The flick also sported a couple of plot holes, especially when looking back. Then we had the middle section that felt a tad lost. I smelled some stalling there. My worst peeve though was a character one. MINOR SPOILER AHEAD BTW. For some reason everybody and their uncle's zebra ignored that Sarah ABANDONNED Tom to be killed in the prologue. The fact that nobody brought that up 10 years later within the story grated the shite out of me. All in all though MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3D delivered what it promised! Creative and graphic kills, a glee for exploitation and bucket loads of body-bag fun! If you dig your slashers on the hardcore side, this one will break your heart…in a GOOD WAY! Pin it down and teach it a lesson John Holmes style!
GORE
I can't list all of the red grub here, I don’t have all day, but I will spit this: a poked out eye, ripped out hearts, mangled bodies, pick axe in the skull, shovel in the mouth (ouch), a melted face, a jaw ripped off…. get the picture? The flick was gory with a capital G!
ACTING
I know Jensen Ackles (Tom) from DEVOUR (Nope never saw his SUPERNATURAL TV show). I dug him the most! Photogenic and strong acting chops. Jaime King (Sarah) looked so eatable and she brought her A Game to this one. Kerr Smith (Axel) is good at playing a-holes and he did it again here to a T. What a treat it was to see Tom Atkins (Burkel) do his thing in a recent genre film. Dude still had edge and charm to burn. Betsy Rue (Irene) was not only naked for the bulk of her role but also put out an intense and credible show. I fell in lust with Megan Boone (Megan) the moment she appeared onscreen. The camera loved her and she held her own. Had never heard of her before but will keep tabs on her now. Kevin Tighe (Ben) always brings class to films that he’s in, he did it again here. Is it me or has the dude STOPPED aging?
T & A
Betsy Rue gave us the full course via totally stripping down! I respect the girl's courage in that respect and of course dug her yummy physical attributes. Megan Boone's butt cheeks popping out of them undies also gave Arrow Jr. some good love. The ladies get Todd Farmer’s butt in 3D no less!
DIRECTING
I always appreciated Lussier's eye as a director. Here, he gave us a moody, polished and often visually stimulating show (loved that “killer appears trick” when the lights were being shattered). Suspense was also in the house and Lussier’s knack at pulling left fields POP GOES THE KILL had me jumping in my seat like a coker out of coke.
SOUNDTRACK
We get a somber, harsh and razor cool synthesizer type score by Michael Wandmacher.
BOTTOM LINE
This is how you do a slasher RIGHT! MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3D was a slashercoaster ride made for true fans of the subgenre. It brought me back to the 80’s and I thanked it for that! Easy on the eyes, paced like a motherf*cker and filled to the brim with creative/ brutal kills, this one did the trick. The unabashed nakedness and the 3D spanking also added to this one’s entertaining value. Granted the flick suffered from stumbles that plague most slashers, dumb moves to serve the narrative and random plot holes but nothing that pissed on my head to ruin my parade. If you ask me, we can expect lots more 3D movies to hit the big screen. Why? Cause its one thing you CANNOT get through your computer. In this day and age of pirating, Hollywood as to do what it has to do to get the butts in the seats and hey; if all the 3D movies are as GROOVY as this one – I’M THERE!
BULL'S EYE
The flick was shot in Pennsylvania, USA .

Stay tuned after the end credits for a suprise.

Todd Farmer (Jason X) who plays Frank the Trucker is one of the film's screenwriters.

The director of the original, George Mihalka went to Paramount in 2001 with a synopsis for a sequel. They said no dice.

HACK THE MBV 3D WEBSITE HERE!

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2:38PM on 01/09/2011
Do everybody a favor, John. Kill yourself. Fucking idiot.
Megan Boone's butt cheeks popping out of them undies also gave Arrow Jr. some good love. What kind of idiot says that?
Do everybody a favor, John. Kill yourself. Fucking idiot.
Megan Boone's butt cheeks popping out of them undies also gave Arrow Jr. some good love. What kind of idiot says that?
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11:05PM on 10/16/2010

Good if sometimes uninspired remake of the notorious 1981 classic.

Director/Editor Patrick Lussier (The Dracula 2000 trilogy) did an nice job making this in 3-D. The premise has somewhat changed from the original but there is some nice visual moments from the 1981 movie.

Jensen Ackles does an good job as the lead. Jaime King and Kerr Smith are credible as the other leads. There is some good suspenseful sequences and nice gore F/X although some are unfortunely to some viewers are digital effects.

The surprise ending will probably won`t surprise die-hard
Director/Editor Patrick Lussier (The Dracula 2000 trilogy) did an nice job making this in 3-D. The premise has somewhat changed from the original but there is some nice visual moments from the 1981 movie.

Jensen Ackles does an good job as the lead. Jaime King and Kerr Smith are credible as the other leads. There is some good suspenseful sequences and nice gore F/X although some are unfortunely to some viewers are digital effects.

The surprise ending will probably won`t surprise die-hard fans of the original. The opening sequences in the mine is lame to say the least, especially watching Ackles, King, Smith and Besty Rue trying to act like teenagers is unconvincing.

But the performances are good, some of the suspense are genuinely well done and Rue gives an unforgettable performance in a small memorable role. The Blu-ray has an nice transfer, some of the 3-D does truly works.

"My Bloody Valentine 3D", while entertaining for the horror fans. It is a mixed bag for some tastes. It is nice to Kevin Tighe (Road House) and genre favorite Tom Atkins in supporting roles. Todd Farmer (Best known for writing "Jason X") has an small memorable death scene. Which Farmer co-wrote this movie as well.
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9:44PM on 08/31/2009
An hugely entertaining remake in the glorious 3D technology. The acting was decent and the kills were bloody as hell, so the title suits it well. I don't think this was as creepy or chilling as the original but it still manages to improve upon it, the 3D was part of the improvement. There are a few parts that will make you jump but this aims more at entertaining you and is all about the kills than at truely scaring you. Towards the end it kept me guessing who the killer was and kept me on the
An hugely entertaining remake in the glorious 3D technology. The acting was decent and the kills were bloody as hell, so the title suits it well. I don't think this was as creepy or chilling as the original but it still manages to improve upon it, the 3D was part of the improvement. There are a few parts that will make you jump but this aims more at entertaining you and is all about the kills than at truely scaring you. Towards the end it kept me guessing who the killer was and kept me on the edge of my seat, I hope they make a sequel and make it in 3D because I enjoyed the hell out of this remake! Bring on more 3D horror movies or action movies I might add! Highly recommended!
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7:17PM on 07/08/2009
Damn, I just rewatched it and like it even more! Its really a perfect slasher. Its perfectly paced, has the gore, has the T&A and even sports semi interesting/likable characters. And I for one thought the ending was handled pretty damn well for a slasher flick.

Of all the genre flicks that are supposed to be a throwback to the 80s this is one of the few that truly feels like one.
Damn, I just rewatched it and like it even more! Its really a perfect slasher. Its perfectly paced, has the gore, has the T&A and even sports semi interesting/likable characters. And I for one thought the ending was handled pretty damn well for a slasher flick.

Of all the genre flicks that are supposed to be a throwback to the 80s this is one of the few that truly feels like one.
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9:42AM on 06/08/2009

Two thumbs up

Great movie, but why kill the little person?!
Great movie, but why kill the little person?!
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5:23PM on 01/30/2009

Right On Arrow

Arrow is right on this one. If you love horror, and particularly slashers, this will blow your mind. But, you must see it in 3D. Spoilers ahead. You get eyeballs at the end of pickaxes hurtling right at you (WAAA - Man I jumped!), shovels slashing faces in half, creepy surroundings, jumps and starts, nude babe humping big time and then prancing around outside. ITS ALL THERE, YEAH!

Yes, there are some plot faults. But, I was so fixated on the 3D effects that any weaknesses were not
Arrow is right on this one. If you love horror, and particularly slashers, this will blow your mind. But, you must see it in 3D. Spoilers ahead. You get eyeballs at the end of pickaxes hurtling right at you (WAAA - Man I jumped!), shovels slashing faces in half, creepy surroundings, jumps and starts, nude babe humping big time and then prancing around outside. ITS ALL THERE, YEAH!

Yes, there are some plot faults. But, I was so fixated on the 3D effects that any weaknesses were not troubling in the slightest. I've always been disappointed in 3D flicks, finding the 3D wasn't used effectively or the movie was just so bad it didn't help much. Here, you have a good movie that ROCKS because of the 3D.

See it, see it, see it.
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+0
11:24PM on 01/19/2009

I'm half/half on this one.

Warning-spoilers ahead. I absolutely love the original MBV, I've been watching it annually on Val. Day since I bought my first copy on worn out, crappy VHS and this "remake" was pretty uneven. Why exactly did Harry Warden kill practically the entire town in the films' first five minutes without actually killing the person he intented to. In the original, he only killed those responsible for causing the accident. Everyone raves about the kills, which are admittedly gory, but he kills
Warning-spoilers ahead. I absolutely love the original MBV, I've been watching it annually on Val. Day since I bought my first copy on worn out, crappy VHS and this "remake" was pretty uneven. Why exactly did Harry Warden kill practically the entire town in the films' first five minutes without actually killing the person he intented to. In the original, he only killed those responsible for causing the accident. Everyone raves about the kills, which are admittedly gory, but he kills everybody with his pickaxe. Jason doesn't kill everybody with his machete, he mixes it up, bare hands, axe, cleaver, tent spike, spears, etc... One other thing, all the gore was enhanced digitally, which I loathe. Gary Tunnicliffe is a very talented effects artist so I don't understand the CGI. Don't even get me started on that ridiculous ending, it worked in Haute Tension but here it was just a cheap raping of the audience. I kind of expected it anyway but with the scene where Tom is witnessing Harry doing his thing made us all think it was impossible for him to be the killer. To me, that's a cheap way to disguise the killer until that garbage revelation at the end. I know I'm ripping all over this one but it was entertaining and gory, and the nudity bit was cool. But please stop hailing it as the holy grail of the modern slasher. Go watch Fritt Vilt aka Cold Prey or Malevolence to see a true throwback. Gore isn't everything, the original Halloween has nary a drop of blood in it and until the recent restored footage, the original MBV had practically no blood. If you can create a suspenseful, scary ride without gore you know you're doing something right. Ask yourself, would you be salivating all over this one if it had a complete dearth of gore. Me thinks not. I'm no gore prude, my copy of Dead Alive is sandwhiched between copies of August Underground and Nekromantik, I just know gore doesn't make a movie gold. I just had to get that off my chest because I was sick of all the groveling. Rant over.

Dr Rott
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5:23PM on 01/19/2009

Boss or not, he's right!

I have to tell you, I don't always agree with Arrow's views but he nailed it right on the head. This was a lame movie that was pure cinematic fun. Some of the most fun I've had at the theatre in ages!
I have to tell you, I don't always agree with Arrow's views but he nailed it right on the head. This was a lame movie that was pure cinematic fun. Some of the most fun I've had at the theatre in ages!
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4:38PM on 01/19/2009

Is this a joke, Arrow?

Really? I don't see everybody's love for this. I came, gave it a chance, and was let down majorly. The gore was ho-hum, the acting nothing I would expect from the bigger names that were cast.

It did have it's positive aspects: it wasn't pg-13, and it wasn't the Friday the 13 remake, and the characters were well developed. Yup-yup, that's about it. I will also grant it this, although the gore-sequences left me indifferent, the effects were handled very well by whoever the artist was that did
Really? I don't see everybody's love for this. I came, gave it a chance, and was let down majorly. The gore was ho-hum, the acting nothing I would expect from the bigger names that were cast.

It did have it's positive aspects: it wasn't pg-13, and it wasn't the Friday the 13 remake, and the characters were well developed. Yup-yup, that's about it. I will also grant it this, although the gore-sequences left me indifferent, the effects were handled very well by whoever the artist was that did them. Kudos to you, my friend.

-MAJOR SPOILERS-

Was I the only one that found the so-called "Twist" predictable from reel-one. I turned to the person sitting next to me, (Don't worry, I DID know them. ;) ) and said: I swear to God, if the killer ends up being the main character. And sure enough-it was!!

Gosh, this one was a let-down. :(
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+0
3:20PM on 01/19/2009

cool

i really enjoyed the movie.i thought it kicked ass.i even got one of my friends to go that really isnt into horror movies and he liked it.definitely will be seeing it again
i really enjoyed the movie.i thought it kicked ass.i even got one of my friends to go that really isnt into horror movies and he liked it.definitely will be seeing it again
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2:02PM on 01/19/2009
I also had a fucking blast with this. I was whooping it up and yelling "YEAH!" with every kill, for which there was plenty and ALL of them cool and creative.
I also had a fucking blast with this. I was whooping it up and yelling "YEAH!" with every kill, for which there was plenty and ALL of them cool and creative.
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1:12PM on 01/19/2009
Glad you had fun with it Arrow! I loved it just as much as you. Just a fun fucking time.
Glad you had fun with it Arrow! I loved it just as much as you. Just a fun fucking time.
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