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Piranha 3D (2010)
Written by: The Arrow
Director: Alexandre Aja

Starring:
Elisabeth Shue/Julie
Ving Rhames/Deputy Fallon
Richard Dreyfuss /Matt
Kelly Brook/Danni
PLOT-CRUNCH
A quake unleashes a horde of flesh hungry prehistoric Piranhas out of the bottom of Lake Victoria. They go on to wreck havoc on a slew of horny and beer bong abusing teens kicking it at a Spring Break fiesta. These son of fishes want to munch on some T and lots of A and munch they do! PARTYYYYY!
THE LOWDOWN

Wet t-shirt…wet…t-…shirt…- Derrick

Alexandre Aja is one of my favorite new-gen horror directors. MIRRORS aside (which was okay but not up to his standards) the man has yet to bum me out and I’m in a tizzy to say that he didn’t start that bad habit with PIRANHA. Loosely based on Joe Dante’s 1978 wink-wink at Jaws PIRANHA (they just took the killer Piranha element and did their own thing), PIRANHA 2010 pulled a THE EXPENDABLES on my ass in the sense that; it promised a specific type of film via its advertising and then went on to let out just that with glee.

Why the Weinsteins didn’t screen this one for critics and release it earlier in the summer is beyond me because PIRANHA was an absolute blast and deserved all the nipply perks it could get! This sucka had most of it bases covered with skills. Although its set up took the time it took, the story was involving, if not déjà vu (again…JAWS…), its lead teen duder (played by Steven R. McQueen, the grandson of the King Of Cool) and his plight were affable plus there was enough female flesh shoveled around to keep this red blooded Canadian’s eyes on the screen. Straight up, watching this film made me regret that I never got to experience an American Spring Break when I was in my teens, shit the poon I could’ve gobbled there would have been insane…but I digress, I got my own shit going on here… must make peace with it.

I seriously couldn’t get enough of PIRANHA while watching it. It was loaded with good/bad, always amusing dialogue, sly sight gags (that penis bit lol), ALL kinds of over the top/mean spirited gore scenes, more hot chicks that you can shake a tampon at (the underwater girl on girl ballet swim was epic) and enjoyable performances all around. Elisabeth Shue (who still looks very hot) and Adam Scott were on the ball and acted as the more grounded players of the lot. Ving Rhames slammed the ultimate badass card on the table once again and owned the screen (man I love that dude). Model Kelly Brook made for exquisite eye candy while holding her own acting wise (Who knew? I think it was that accent that sold me). While Jerry O'Connell stole the show as the self centered, yeyo abusing, loud mouth, smut loving a-hole I loved to love. That dude killed me! Great show! And let’s not forget the money cameos! Richard Dreyfuss gave us a Matt Hooper from JAWS nudge (same first name, same costume, hums familiar song), Dina Meyers surfaced long enough to class up the joint and porn stars Riley Steele and Gianna Michaels let it all hang for our viewing pleasure. NOTE: Riley Steele’s ass should be reproduced in stone by the world’s leading sculptor and that monument should be erected in front of the White House. That bumper is one of USA primo wonders!

On a technical level, the flick was snazzyly shot, with stylish camera moves, sleek cinematography and gnarly Piranha POV shots. I was also back-handed Sean Connery style as to how suspenseful the film was. Didn’t see that coming! Aja is no stranger at generating tension and delivering potent shocks and even though he was toying within a boobies and blood party movie, he aced it here once again! I caught myself teetering on the edge of my seat many o times and even though the characters were two dimensional at best, I felt antsy for some of them and didn’t want “some” to buy the farm. To grab me by the lapel like that within this type of smut/fluff flick is a feat in itself…so props Aja! Je vous dois une biere! Finally, the special effects were bang on! As per usual, master gore peddlers KNB knocked the gory goods out of the park and the Piranha CGI did the trick design & execution wise.

Any qualms with this wiggly trout? Not many. Like me in the sack, the narrative progression and its turns were predictable big time. I didn’t have much of a beef with that, but it needed to be spat. I also picked up on a couple of only in horror movies dumb character moves to serve the plot and it would be nice for Christopher Lloyd to NOT play Doc Brown in a movie for a change. His performance didn’t do it for me for some reason only my shrink's corpse understands. Finally, if this flick had a musical score, I didn’t pick up on it; I guess the techno/rap crap this one was laced with drowned it out. NOTE: I saw the film in 3D and I didn’t think it was worth the extra coin. A couple of slick shots aside, the film felt like 2D to me. I wanted melons jiggling out of the screen in my face; I wanted them to feel so close that I’d reach out for them, hoping for a cheap squeeze… didn't get that jive.

Overall though, you got to give it to PIRANHA. It knew exactly what its audience wanted to see and it gave it up in spades... old school! A shameless, horny, gruesome, suspenseful and often hilarious horror ride! You ready to party! BEER BONG AWAY!

GORE
This is the kind of genre treat that is all about gore gags, so I won’t spoil them here. Just know that it sported gallons of blood, all kinds of graphic mutilations and nasty kills. If you’re a gorehound; you will find peace here.
T & A
Tits, ass, vagines (as Borat calls them), fun bags, booties, knockers, cheeks… all ya can f*cking eat! And yes the luscious Kelly Brook revealed the goods and I thank her for it from the bottom of my Jockeys.
BOTTOM LINE
PIRANHA was a superior crowd-pleaser and a perfect cinematic cap-off to what was a meh summer movie season. Jugs, chuckles, rumps, suspense, nutty gore…a guilty pleasure without the guilt! Yeah its story was fairly conventional, it sported duh character moves, Christopher Lloyd should forget Doc Brown and the score was too low key for me to even notice it, but at the end of the red-wet hump, I was one happy mothercamper! Fun! Fun! Fun! End your summer with punch! Hit this bitch!
BULL'S EYE
Chuck Russell (The Blob) was set to direct this at first.

Look out for cameos by genre favs Gregory Nicotero and Eli Roth.

The original Piranha was remade in 1995 for Showtime with William Katt and Mila Kunis.

Alexandre Aja planned to have Joe Dante (Piranha ) and James Cameron (Piranha 2: The Spawning) as cameos. They would have played boat captains teaching safety to num-nut teens. Dante wanted to do it but Cameron was too busy. None of it happened.

Ving Rhames name in the film was Deputy Fallon...nice name! :)
Strikeback
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7:21PM on 01/10/2011

Fun, but sometimes flawed B movie.

I liked Alexandra Aja`s new take on "Piranha" but the script has its problems. The story is fine but most of the characters are underwritten at best. Jerry O`Connell is a lot of fun in his scene-stealing supporting performance. Kelly Brook is certainly very likeable and sexy as the british chick who works for O`Connell character for his sleazy soft-core amateur videos "Wild Wild Girls".

The CGI effects are better than expected and the Spring Break party attack sequence is gorier than you
I liked Alexandra Aja`s new take on "Piranha" but the script has its problems. The story is fine but most of the characters are underwritten at best. Jerry O`Connell is a lot of fun in his scene-stealing supporting performance. Kelly Brook is certainly very likeable and sexy as the british chick who works for O`Connell character for his sleazy soft-core amateur videos "Wild Wild Girls".

The CGI effects are better than expected and the Spring Break party attack sequence is gorier than you expect and it is one of the best things of the movie.

Oscar-Winner:Richard Dreyfuss, Christopher Lloyd and Horror movie director:Eli Roth have fun in their cameos. "Piranha 3D" was fun to watch, it must have been something to see in the big screen during the memorable Spring Break attack sequence. Too bad, i missed out on that one. But the original Joe Dante movie was better written than this new version.
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4:47PM on 09/03/2010
the most fun i had at the cinema in a while. Aja redeemed himself after his last disaster that was mirrors.

kelly brooks is so good..it makes no sense tho!
the most fun i had at the cinema in a while. Aja redeemed himself after his last disaster that was mirrors.

kelly brooks is so good..it makes no sense tho!
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2:14AM on 08/23/2010
Pure brilliance. Loved every minute of it. The gore was beyond awesome and the underwater ballet scene should have been even longer. It was awesome. And cast Riley Steele in more mainstream movies. Ditto Kelly Brook. Both are awesome.
Pure brilliance. Loved every minute of it. The gore was beyond awesome and the underwater ballet scene should have been even longer. It was awesome. And cast Riley Steele in more mainstream movies. Ditto Kelly Brook. Both are awesome.
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12:35PM on 08/22/2010

FUN!

This was a really fun movie with absolutely phenomenal gore! Not something i'd ever buy, and not as suspenseful and "edge of your seat" as some of Aja's past work (High Tension and The Hills Have Eyes), but a very nice leap back into the right direction after the let down of Mirrors.
This was a really fun movie with absolutely phenomenal gore! Not something i'd ever buy, and not as suspenseful and "edge of your seat" as some of Aja's past work (High Tension and The Hills Have Eyes), but a very nice leap back into the right direction after the let down of Mirrors.
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6:42PM on 08/21/2010

finally summer arrives!

Im so excited this is getting such good reviews from genre fans, think this monday im hitting the cinema for a double bill of carnage, this followed by The Expendables. Sweet
Im so excited this is getting such good reviews from genre fans, think this monday im hitting the cinema for a double bill of carnage, this followed by The Expendables. Sweet
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4:10PM on 08/21/2010
GREAT Gore! Great cast! and an amazing director. I haven't had so much fun at a horror film since My Bloody Valentine 3D and Drag Me to Hell.

My favorite horror film of 2010 along with Shutter Island thus far!
GREAT Gore! Great cast! and an amazing director. I haven't had so much fun at a horror film since My Bloody Valentine 3D and Drag Me to Hell.

My favorite horror film of 2010 along with Shutter Island thus far!
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4:07PM on 08/21/2010
Pure popcorn fun with a side order of blood,gore, female nudity, and a kick ass cast.
Pure popcorn fun with a side order of blood,gore, female nudity, and a kick ass cast.
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11:22AM on 08/21/2010
The most fun I've had in the theater with a horror movie since the last 3D remake hit the screens (My Bloody Valentine). A pure blast.
The most fun I've had in the theater with a horror movie since the last 3D remake hit the screens (My Bloody Valentine). A pure blast.
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