ARROW IN THE HEAD REVIEWS

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Pulse (2006)
Written by: The Arrow
Director: Jim Sonzero

Starring:
Kristen Bell/Mattie
Ian Somerhalder/Dexter
Christina Milian/Isabell
Jonathan Tucker/Josh
PLOT-CRUNCH
When Mattie’s (Bell) hacker boyfriend (Tucker) commits suicide, she and her group of hip friends find out that a ghostly virus might be behind it…and it’s spreading fast! Is it the end of the world as we know it? Well I felt fine until I sat through this crud!
THE LOWDOWN
Just went to see PULSE (the remake of Kiyoshi Kurosawa’s KAIRO) and I’m pissed. While in my seat, I was hoping for the best and for the first 10 minutes or so, I thought, maybe my instincts were wrong about this movie. This won’t be a Dimension Films Blue Plate Special (i.e. a flick burnt out in the editing room); this might be an “okay” ride! I was wrong, RIP wrong.

There used to be a good film in here, wrong or right, my Arrow-Senses tingled on that. The actors were well cast, the initial premise tantalizing, some of the macabre imagery was striking, the visuals definitely gripping to gawk at and the sound design mucho efficient. But throughout, it felt like somebody (Es tu Weinsteins?) came in with a big pair of rusty scissors and ruined it all. The last time my miniscule smarts were insulted this much was when my ex girlfriend told me she was faithful when I was away, while a used condom rested on her floor, inches away from her feet. F*ck you for that bitch! And I mean the film and my ex girlfriend! Watching Pulse was like witnessing a train wreck happen in slow motion. The more it clocked forward, the more it disintegrated into hunks of trash.

From the inept character/relationship development (or lack of), to the spastically edited yet flatter than Princess Leia in Star Wars scare set pieces to the clunky way the unfocused storyline moved forward (think limp fear bits stringed together), this one could do no right. Plot holes the size of Anna Nicole Smith’s pre Trim-Spa ass were abound, the film negated its internal logic many o times and the last block in particular was a freaking joke whilst its cop-out “Terminator 2” like finale voice-over was the punch line. The genius' behind this thing must really think we’re utter idiots, why else would they have two random characters (one of them Brad Douriff of all people) pop up out of left field at some point to explain to us what’s going. Hey a-holes, I know what’s going on! I’ve been watching the film you twats! Have you? I don’t need it spelled out to me in blatant expositional ways as if I was a mentally challenged toddler with no limbs. I swear if I could’ve spat that far, I would’ve spewed at the screen in disgust.

Pulse could’ve been something; it was slick, had a decent cast and an engaging subject matter as to our society’s peculiar relationship with our ever growing technology. But they took a warm, Chlamydia laced piss on it and mucked it up. Don’t bother taking this corpse’s pulse, its motherf*cking dead!
GORE
We get some ‘disturbing” (term used loosely) imagery but zero gore.
ACTING
Kristen Bell (Mattie) did her best Sarah Michelle Gellar impression and it worked for the most part. Ian Somerhalder (Dexter) looked lost and I don’t blame him. Who was he again here? Christina Milian (Isabell) did what she could with what she was given…which was not much. Jonathan Tucker (Josh) was the stand-out actor here, with intensity and credibility on his side. I guess he wasn’t too fond of the film since his name isn’t in the opening credits.
T & A
Unless some shirtless, bald, white as toothpaste ghost-dude cranks your dial, you won’t get aroused here. The least Kirsten Bell could’ve done was drop her bra as an apology for starring in this dreck. HOW RUDE!
DIRECTING
I did groove on lots of Jim Sonzero’s style! He had at knack at communicating dread successfully, nailed the unsettling atmosphere, gave the whole a unique look and show-offed some sweet shots. Too bad the whole didn't gel.
SOUNDTRACK
We get a somber, spooky score and a solid use of odd sounds to give us the willies.
BOTTOM LINE
McPulse was everything that's wrong with Studio genre films today rolled up in one sitting. Shame on whoever is responsible for this! SHAME! Specially since there was something potentially solid in here! Yeah the imagery/sound design were tops, it had an appealing cast and an initial premise with all kinds of promise but they missed the tug-boat by a hundred yards. Somebody forgot to put in credible character/plot development, internal logic and potent scares in there. They cooked up this “Horror Flick for Dummies” instead. Talk about underestimating one's audience! Skip it and pray for a "Director's Cut DVD release".
BULL'S EYE
The trailer for Pulse had footage from the original Japanese film in it. And yes one of the shots (the plane) made it in this remake (the tower jump didn't)...cheap bastards!

Wes Craven was initially set to direct this, but he left the project after the Weinsteins foobarred him with Cursed.

AVOID THE PULSE SITE HERE

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7:16AM on 12/15/2006

I was bored....

So I decided to rent the unrated version. I agree this movie might have been something but alas it wasn't. Arrow-The tower scene is in the unrated version. Also two others- SPOILERS


1.The man on the computer footage who had a gun in the theatrical edition...he actually puts the gun in his mouth and shoots himself in the unrated.
2. We see a girl hacking at her wrists with a razor, and then see her bloody hands on her bloody face.

Thought I'd let you know as I wouldn't rewatch this
So I decided to rent the unrated version. I agree this movie might have been something but alas it wasn't. Arrow-The tower scene is in the unrated version. Also two others- SPOILERS


1.The man on the computer footage who had a gun in the theatrical edition...he actually puts the gun in his mouth and shoots himself in the unrated.
2. We see a girl hacking at her wrists with a razor, and then see her bloody hands on her bloody face.

Thought I'd let you know as I wouldn't rewatch this crap just to see those.
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11:16AM on 09/25/2006

HA! I knew it!

I haven't seen this yet but I knew good and well that this film would suck and suck hard. If you want to see a GOOD film (and scary as hell) please check out the original Kairo.
I haven't seen this yet but I knew good and well that this film would suck and suck hard. If you want to see a GOOD film (and scary as hell) please check out the original Kairo.
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12:34PM on 08/14/2006

The most worthless movie ever?

So tonight I hung-out with some friends and these good friends of mine felt like it would be fun to see a movie. Looking at the huge digital board hanging high above my local multiplex we pondered what to see. Me being me I told them half of those movies I have already seen... Talladega Nights? "That just happened." (Yes it's that funny, go see it already.). The Descent? You know it. Miami Vice? You bet cha'. Pirates of the Caribbean 2? Who hasn't? Aye aye aye they didn't want to see a flick
So tonight I hung-out with some friends and these good friends of mine felt like it would be fun to see a movie. Looking at the huge digital board hanging high above my local multiplex we pondered what to see. Me being me I told them half of those movies I have already seen... Talladega Nights? "That just happened." (Yes it's that funny, go see it already.). The Descent? You know it. Miami Vice? You bet cha'. Pirates of the Caribbean 2? Who hasn't? Aye aye aye they didn't want to see a flick I've already had the honor of seeing --yes honor, after Pulse any movie is a honor to see.

We started to check out the new films released this week. Zoom, Pulse, World Trade Center, and Step Up. What the hell is Step Up you may ask? Heh, just do a search for it. Taking the advice of a friend I asked them if they wouldn't mind seeing WTC. They all just stare at me, I shut up. We started to think about "Zoom" but then we remembered Tim Allen was in it... do I miss his Home Improvement days. So we decided on Pulse. Did I want to see this? Hell no, looked bad from the beginning. But I was with some friends and they wanted to go, so I was not going to be the one to ruin their fun.

I'm gonna steal Mr. D's words here but watching a film about suicide I really wanted to end my own life while I sat there. This movie is excruciating to view, there is nothing scary, nor funny, nor entertaining whatsoever about this at all. Pulse is the most worthless movie I have ever laid eyes on. I used to think the same about a film called When a Stranger Calls but I could watch that a hundred times over compared to what I've just witnessed tonight. I am sitting here right now and I cannot think of anything at all that I can say was good about this flick.

The directing was all point and shoot, the camera rarely ever moved around during a shot. Not what you want to do with a horror movie, especially one being designed for teenagers. The actors, who weren't terrible, had no script to work with. There is seriously one scene where everybody is standing around and they decide they need to head back to an apartment of friend who died because his computer is still sending them messages (which means the place is dangerous to be in). Right then a character blurts out: "I'll go by myself." I blurted out in laughter, I just couldn't help it, I mean come on, that's terrible. The whole look of this film is bad as well, we're all [the audience] suppose to get this feeling that the end of the world is upon us. But I just sat there wondering why the streets are completely empty, why Kristin Bell is such a cutie, and why the hell this movie makes me want to give up movie watching all-together.

I sincerely believe this movie might just bring the horror industry the end of this PG-13 J-horror remake trend. It's that bad. Avoid this at all costs, even if your friends are with you. There is no worse pain then to watch this movie.
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