Movie Review: Unforgettable
Test of Time: Close Encounters of the Third Kind
The X-Files returns in 2018!
Insidious Chapter 4 pushed to 2018
New Alien: Covenant images
Cult of Chucky has picture lock!
James Wan and Alexandre Aja to build a Smart House
Chilling new trailer for Sofia Coppola's The Beguiled
New gameplay footage from Friday the 13th: The Game
Chris Pratt talks darker, scarier Jurassic World sequel
Black Sheep: Robocop 2 (Video)
Top horror titles hitting Netflix in May
The only reason that I caught SHARK LAKE (which hits VOD on October 2nd, 2015) was because Dolph Lundgren was starring in it and I thought “Dolph in a killer shark flick” should equal fun times. God was I wrong! In my useless opinion, this wound up being the worse Lundgren movie I have ever seen. How do I loathe thee? Let me body-slam the ways!
-The story was convoluted and derivative of many films. Worse than that though; it was also way too Zzzzz inducing drama heavy. They should have kept it simple and light being that didn't have the "tools" to do JAWS. Shark in lake, tits pop out, swimmers are chewed, Dolph side kicks somebody, they hunt the beast, shark gets killed, a one liner is spit out, kaboom- DONE. But no…. they took a B Movie premise/elements, took them so damn seriously and bogged them down with so much "who gives a shit drama" that the chain of events wound up being incredibly tedious to sit through and the “horror” on hand became laughable.
-The dialogue and lots of the acting (i.e. most of the day-players) went from decent to "finger nails on a blackboard" painful! For example: that young dude (having fun wih his girl) that got pulled down in the water by the shark, his “scream of terror” had me spit out my ice cold Dr. Pepper onto my lap. How that take wound up being “a print” is beyond me.
-Which brings me to the CGI. They must have run of money during Post Production, because the CGI here, from the blood, severed limbs, to the SAD SACK shark was simply awful. I'm baffled as to how the CG here got the green light...
-The film clumsily hid the shark from us during the first half of the film. It was awkward as to how they went about it i.e. lack of coverage. In the second half of the film; he was an ATARI CG concoction that was too small in size when compared to his surroundings first and then he became a more convincing “rubber” entity, alas, it was too little too late for it to save the movie when it surfaced.
-Why were the shark POV shots set in like 5 feet of water? How big is that shark anyways? Smurf size? COME ON! Work with me over here! PS: And no, a shark fin coming at a person standing in 2 feet of water inches away from the shore is NOT scary!
-Any movie that casts Dolph Lundgren and can’t give him ONE decent fight scene (no the pathetic fist-ti-cuffs found here didn’t count) should be ashamed of itself.
-The “out of the Fisher Price” box musical soundtrack here only contributed in making the film look worse than it was.
Anything nice to say? Sara Malakul Lane handled herself well. Michael Aaron Milligan did what he could although he came off like he knew he was in a piece of shit. There were also a couple of beautiful lake shots, lots of the locations were scenic to say the least and Dolph was of course the best thing in this dreck. Also, huge kudos on that opening chase scene aside; it was well shot/edited and fooled me for a brief moment early on that I was in for a cool film.
All in all, it pains me to say that it took me everything to get through SHARK LAKE. Snooze inducing, too much bla-bla and drama, a preposterous handling of the horror elements and a total waste of Lundgren. Drown this turkey...