ARROW IN THE HEAD REVIEWS

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Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th (2000)
Written by: The Arrow
Director: John Blanchard

Starring:
Harley Cross/Dawson
Majandra Delfino/Martina
Coolio/The Principal
Tiffani-Amber Thiessen/Haghita
PLOT-CRUNCH
An unfunny "Scream" parody hits your video stores this week and I’m here to save you from spending your hard earned cash on it! Thank me later…
THE LOWDOWN
This is the lamest "parody" flick that I have ever seen. I didn’t crack a smile once and was actually looking forward for my bladder to fill up so that I could take pee breaks. What a chore to sit through! The film’s main problem is that it’s not funny. It spends most of its time referencing non-horror movies like: Wizard Of Oz, Something About Mary, Reservoir Dogs, Baywatch or Home Alone. And when it does reference horror movies like Child’s Play, Psycho (what a lame bit!), NOES, IKWYDLS, Friday The 13th or Scream, it just winks at them, never really setting up a full gag. Eighty percent of the film’s humor is "high school" related: Un-funny intercom jokes, a "Prince" like Principal (Coolio making an ass of himself), a locker alarm…and many more. Too bad I saw most of those in "High School High".

The film plays it very safe. Hardly any cuss words, a censored tit shot (what’s the point??) and very low gore. The movie’s lack of plot also bothered me, I know it’s a parody but you still need a flimsy something to carry the movie on. Repeating a similar scene five times (the IKWYDLS homage) with dumb arse payoffs is NOT funny! Having booooooooooooooring "funny" stalk sequences that don’t go anywhere is NOT funny! And having a guy drag a drunken girl up the stairs, putting her in bed and attempting to rape her is NOT funny either (It’s actually out of line and in poor taste). Since the plot is non-existent, you would think that some of the characters would be fun times…NOT! The characters are boring, too. Nobody to latch on to here (Where’s Shorty when you need him?)

The film also tries to take the "parody" thang to the next level by stating the rules (a la Randy) you need to follow in order to survive a parody of a horror movie. It falls flat on its face there too. For me, it just didn’t work. I will admit to thinking that the "Menthos" and "Pop Up Video" send ups were witty and how I might've laughed if they had been slapped in a better movie (I’ll say it…"Scary Movie"). But apart from that…ZILCH!!!!!!!!

It takes more than throwing movie references into a film to make it funny. It takes endearing characters, comic timing and good jokes. This movie has none of those things. I Know What I Should Do With This Copy Of The Movie…I Should Stick It Up My Worst Enemy’s Video Machine!
GORE
A cheapo exploding head and Tom Arnold eating (what a pig!).
ACTING
Harley Cross (Dawson), Julie Benz (Barbara) and Simon Rex (Slab) do well but don’t have much to work with. I sometimes felt embarrassed for them. Majandra Delfino (Martina) stands out not only because of her pouty lips that could probably suck tennis balls through a tennis racket but also because of her presence. Danny Strong (Boner) confused me. Did I want to kick him cause his character was annoying or was it just HIM?! Coolio (The Principal) should’ve stuck with rap…Tom Arnold (Doughy) earns that check playing his favorite character…himself. Tiffani-Amber Thiessen (Haghita) should do porn.
T & A
A censored tit shot??? I still don’t get that one…kind of defeats the purpose. Coolio takes off his shirt and proves that he ain't all that.
DIRECTING
Somebody directed this? Apart from the occasional slow motion shot, I was sure a two-year old was handling the camera.
SOUNDTRACK
I swear those pop/rock songs were recorded in my kitchen. A score that redefines the term CRAP!
BOTTOM LINE
It stars Coolio and Tom Arnold…isn’t that a strong enough hint??? If I wanted to see something stale, flat and devoid of good humor, I would have called my ex-girlfriend. This flick was not a joy to sit through and neither was my ex…what a bad lay!!
BULL'S EYE
If you couldn’t help yourself and rented this turkey anyway, watch it till the end credits for more UNFUNNY stuff. lol lol lol NOT!
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