ARROW IN THE HEAD REVIEWS

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Sisters (remake) (2006)
Written by: The Arrow
Director: Douglas Buck

Starring:
Lou Doillon/Angelique/Annabelle
Stephen Rea/Dr. Lacan
Chloë Sevigny/Grace Collier
5 10
PLOT-CRUNCH
Being a hottie Siamese twin is hard; being a hottie Siamese twin with a horny, psycho sister mucking with your life is even harder. Stab away!
THE LOWDOWN
Remake number 100.098.768 at your service sir! Name and rank? SISTERS sir! Unnecessary? Yes sir! Better than the original? No sir! Worth a look? You be the judge sir! With that said, I could’ve easily, and I mean EASILY…gone without this un-memorable effort. I won’t bother comparing this update to DePalma’s original, I’ll break it in on its own and doggy -style it from there.

SISTERS 2006 was an evenly paced, mostly well-acted and semi engaging sit down. Although fairly un-eventful, I was rarely bored and there was something to be said about that. At the same time I was never fully immersed by it either; it was a passive watch. The fine acting shining in did keep me hooked to the situation at an average level with Stephen Rea and Lou Doillon putting out strong shows. Problem was other than them owning it hardcore and a couple of slick-o gore bits, there wasn’t much in this madhouse to bowl me over, thrill me or frighten me.

Being that I saw the original, I already knew the game it was playing at Frame 1. Even if I hadn’t seen the original, I would’ve figured it out at Frame 2. This SISTERS handled its mystery elements with the pizzazz of a dead lay and it put out its revealing plot turns with the energy and momentum of a snoring dwarf. Its drama wasn’t explored deep enough for me to be truly affected while its cop on the case subplot didn’t fare much better either. The latter failed to stimulate me or evoke tension (I needed some of that juice here). Maybe the plot holes and the ridiculous police procedure that came with these Glazed Donuts had to do with that. Where’s CSI MIAMI when you need them!

By the time the flick reached its “I have to be different than DePalma just to be different” ending that challenged my suspension of disbelief barometer AND FAILED MISERABLY at it, I was like “What was the point of this movie again”? Like really? I didn't get it. The last tampon in this one’s ear was the clumsy acting by the usually reliable Chloë Sevigny as a nosy i.e. mucho grating reporter. Not only did she look more and more like KD Lang as the film clocked forward but her delivery lacked the needed conviction for me to give half of a shite about her. Too bad she was one of the central characters and the flick lost lots of points due to her annoying raison d'etre and uneven performance.

All in all SISTERS 2006 wasn’t god awful, I was into it most of the way and I did appreciate the subdued directing style that came with it. As the end credits rolled though, I totally forgot that I had just watched a film and started day dreaming about a Big Mac, served to me on silver platter by lesbian nurses in schoolgirl outfits (Make sense?). You gonna tap these siblings? I’m done with them!
GORE
We get some bloody stabbings, grisly flesh sawing and some scalpel fun. When the flick gored up, it did it graphically.
ACTING
I can’t say Lou Doillon (Angelique/Annabelle) was my type physically but she handled her duel role with the right amount of charm, vulnerability and menace. Stephen Rea (Dr. Lacan) was compelling to watch, as per usual. Chloë Sevigny (Grace Collier) missed my mark with her shaky performance of an irritating character. Was I supposed to root for this dame? NO DICE!
T & A
Who ordered two pair of titties? Was it you sir? Madam? Well you get them anyways; Lou Doillon (who also showed her butt) and Chloe Sevigny were the happy-go-breasts donors.
DIRECTING
I appreciated the Douglas Buck's low-key and grounded approach to the material. Sadly tension was minimal and the flick visually came accross as TV movie occasionally.
SOUNDTRACK
We get a subtle yet bleak score and a slick use of sounds.
BOTTOM LINE
I saw the film at the Sitges Film Festival and was in the minority, most seemed to love it, maybe you will too. On my end, if I had to choose one word to describe this new SISTERS, it would be “FLAT”. And I don’t just mean Chloe Sevigny’s chest and acting. There was rarely any suspense, no impact, a clumsy investigation angle, ho hum drama and a “different doesn’t mean better” ending that had me groaning at how inane it was.

The acting was mostly efficient, the pace easy, the violence and the visuals adequate, but when all was said and done, I couldn’t have been more indifferent as to this experience. Lots of peeps I talked to were so impressed that it was visually dissimilar to DePalma’s version! Whoop-di-doo! What’s so remarkable about that? It still couldn’t stand firmly on its own two feet. I say, rent the original version instead, at least it carried some punch! NEXT IN LINE PLEASE!
BULL'S EYE
Asia Argento was initially slated to play the Angelique/Annabelle part. But she dropped out at the last minute.

Look out for Canuck actor William B. Davis (Cigarette Man in the X-Files) in a small role.

The flick was shot in North Carolina, USA AND Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada , which would explain the Canadian money we see in the film. I guess it's set there too.
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