Director: Maurice Devereaux
Sarah Joslyn Crowder/Megan
Tony Curtis Blondell/Devon
Neil Napier/Chainsaw Charlie
$LASHER$ is Japanâ€™s number one reality â€śkill or be killedâ€ť TV show and itâ€™s about to debut in the States. The game consists of six â€śluckyâ€ť contestants running loose in a â€śpaintballâ€ť-like maze with three colorful psychos on their tail. YIPPEE! Who will survive and cash in the dough?
"Slashers" had me ripped right down the middle like a slab of meat gutted by a brand new â€śBlack and Deckerâ€ť chainsaw.
On the bloody half: I loved the well executed TV reality show vibe, the dime-store yet groovy â€śhorror" sets (Freddy and Jason show up), the enchanting/bitchy host Miho (Shiraishi), the flamboyant murderers (great costumes/makeup designs), the dark sense of humor spread throughout, the neat plot twist near the end and the bootieliscious Slasherette cheerleaders who brought a bump to my Levis. Devereauxâ€™s â€śRopeâ€ť approach (Hitchcock) to the directing (making the flick seem like one â€ścontinuousâ€ť take) also felt very innovative and involved me in the happenings on a deeper level; I was part of that sick show for an hour and a half!
Gore wise, the red paint was a sweet coating of wax on this trampâ€™s white ass. Although cheap in nature, it was still "fun times" in a cartoonish type of way. You just canâ€™t go wrong with a chick being cut in half! It always puts a smile on my face. Just ask my Aunt Charlene, she knows all about that. Donâ€™t you Auntie? I also dug some of the filmâ€™s more morbid ideas; the commercial break angle in particular had me on the floor! You see, every time the show went off the air, the contestants and the killers had to pause what they were doing (even fighting) and wait until it kicked back on to proceed. That made way for a couple of kooky situations and in one surprising instance, had one of the killers drop his â€śactâ€ť to show a more human side. Groovy!
On the dry side: "Slashers" had just way too much talk going on and not enough â€śmetal tangoâ€ť. If it wasnâ€™t the â€śgood guysâ€ť blabbing us to death or gratingly bickering like children, it was the killers, who when faced with their prey, seemed more interested in reciting lengthy monologues than slicing and dicing. Now donâ€™t get me wrong, bodies do hit the mat in this film, but we have to sit through lots of yap-yap before they go down. Slapping fight sequences in there instead of lengthy dialogue wouldâ€™ve been the way to go; in my opinion, movies of this nature REALLY need physical action to keep the audience reeled in. Another minus: the contestants are so badly interpreted that I was rooting for the psychos like a Smurf in Smurfetteâ€™s bedroom with a whip. Special â€śannoyingâ€ť mention goes to the lead Megan (Crowder) who spends the whole of the film with either a sour puss, a prune face, crying like a baby or holding her tits for dear life. And you want me to root for this dame? COME ON! Whereâ€™s a machete when you need one? Shouldâ€™ve taken care of her in frame one!
Lastly, thereâ€™s the message that the film delivers along with its fun junk. Now I appreciated where this flick was coming from and its satirical poke at the â€śreality TV showâ€ť fad couldnâ€™t be more accurate, but that doesnâ€™t mean that I wanted the message forced fed down my throat like a â€śWhopperâ€ť with cheese! The lead â€śMeganâ€ť just never stopped talking about it! Sometimes images speak louder than words and this was definitely one of those cases. Shouldâ€™ve hinted at the message and let the filmâ€™s action do the rest. I didnâ€™t need downbeat, facially tortured Megan coming in every 5 seconds to remind me of the movieâ€™s heftier theme.
In the end, I still found myself having a whack-attack with "Slashers" and respected its ambition especially taking into account the low budget of the movie. Having said that, it still shouldâ€™ve been much tighter in many areas. Now stop yapping and start slashing! SUPER-FINE!
â€śWe got a winner!â€ť Chainsaw gutting, a fall on spikes, face carvings, slit throat, beheadings, a stab in the neck, a stab in the eye, a girl sawed in half and more! Hop on the gravy train!
Sarah Joslyn Crowder (Megan) didnâ€™t do it for me, like...AT ALL! Her constant â€śemotionally agonizedâ€ť state put me off. Caroline Pla (Rebecca) does ok as the token tough chick; nothing memorable though. Tony Curtis Blondell (Devon) was one of the more appealing contestants; he had the better lines and mostly underplayed it (good move). Kieran Keller (Michael) must have been hungry because he consumed the scenery fervently; sometimes it worked for the part, other times it didnâ€™t. Jerry Sprio (Rick) didnâ€™t convince me for one micro second; the man just cannot act here. Neil Napier was awesome as Chainsaw Charlie. The character comes across as Leatherfaceâ€™s younger â€śbackwoodsâ€ť brother and I grew fond of the â€śhickâ€ť twang quickly. Unfortunately, heâ€™s never given the time to fully shine in the guise of Preacher Man. Although I appreciated Christopher Piggingsâ€™ (Dr. Ripper) knack for always removing girlâ€™s shirts (a man from my own heart), his evil laugh was a tad too much for me to handle at times. Overall, he does ok though. Claudine Shiraishi (Miho) cracked me up and is as cute as a button; call me and let's go for â€śKool-Aidâ€ť. Sofia DeMedeiros (Brenda) has nice cleavage. 'Nuff said on that.
T & A
Letâ€™s talk smut and cum rag: Sarah Joslyn Crowder (Megan) shows her ta-tas once and then covers them by holding them in her arms like two sweet puppies. Let them go, honey; they arenâ€™t going anywhere...share the wealth! Sofia DeMedeiros (Brenda) displays gorgeous cleavage and one yummy looking flat belly. The ladies get Tony Curtis Blondell (Devon) in the buff; the man IS a gym! He pumped!! Neil Napier (Charlie/Preacher Man) also goes biceps for the gals.
I have to applaud Devereaux for his one take motif. It works like a charm in the film and I can just imagine how much of a headache it was during the actual shoot. I also dug the whole info-red set piece, the various fades, the groovy lighting and the strobes. Good job!
I thought the score was decent, gelling with the different moods of the picture adequately. I quickly grew fond of the â€śChainsaw Charlieâ€ť theme. As a matter of fact, Iâ€™m still humming it now while washing my !
"Slashers" includes some positive goodies and displays ambitions beyond its meager budget. Sadly, the flick as a whole never reached its full potential. I was let down with the â€śsoap operaâ€ť-like acting, the lack of scares, the little action, the pushy message and the WAAAAAAAAAAY too TALKY tendencies. Sometimes itâ€™s better to shut up and put up...than to yap up a storm. On the bright side of the knife, that didnâ€™t take away the solid premise, the fly directing, the kool looking killers, the occasional chuckles and the sweet/sour hottie host Miho. Like I said earlier; Iâ€™m spilt in half when it comes to this sick puppy. I guess the question is: how is the saw going to split you?
A 2-hour version of "Slashers" exists and it was premiered at the Fantasia film Festival in July 2001.
One of my fav lines from the two hour cut got snipped from this one. Preacher Man says something along the lines of: "Iâ€™m going to shove this dagger up your holy ass". FUNNY!
Am I the only one who noticed that Dr. Ripperâ€™s knife looked a lot like a piece of tin-foil?
The Arrow has acted alongside Neil Napier (Chainsaw Charlie) in the features â€śWelcomeâ€ť and â€śAlien: Time Enoughâ€ť.