Split Second (1992)
Director: Tony Maylam
Rutger Hauer/Harley Stone
Michael J. Pollard/Rat Catcher
Leather clad, chain smoking, coffee drinking all around badass Harley Stone (nice name) is determined to catch the killer that murdered his partner 3 years ago. In the course of that three years, Stone hopped off and on the wagon (no more booze 4 him), he nailed then dumped his dead partner’s wife (Cattrall) and became a cliched mess. Today he’s paired off with a new partner, straight laced British dude Duncan (Durkin) and together they track down the murdering, heart ripping beast who may or may not be Satan himself.
I never thought a movie about a 10 feet, heart ripping "Predator" wannabe could be flat out boring but the filmmaker of this junk sure accomplished that feat. First off originality is not this movie’s stronger point, from the futuristic "Blade Runner" poser world, to the "Lethal Weapon" bantering between the crazy cop and the tightwad with a tie, from a creature that’s a cross between "Wesley Snipes" and an Alien. Nothing new here. But I don't need originality to have a good time, I need action and guts. This movie pretends to be exciting, having our heroes run around with big guns, soundtrack booming and….and nothing. Nothing ever happens in this film! All they do is walk around, shoot the shite and have close calls with the creature. All the kills are off screen, you’re lucky if you see the creature’s hand and the ending is so anti-climatic that I cursed out loud at the screen. An hour and a half of jerking me around deserves at least a decent 10 minute pulse pounding cap off…fat chance. This movie does the impossible…it takes an already proven formula, an easy one and somehow makes it the most boring thing this side of Oprah. Lets carve this one a new smile…
Ok, mostly after the fact. Corpses with their chests ripped open, a few hearts and lots of blood on walls.
Rutger Hauer (Stone) overacts in this one…taking the cliché material and building it up to camp. It’s a funny performance, just not a good one. Neil Dunkan (Durkin) actually does a good job, he’s a by the book no experience dork most of the movie and then becomes a raving mad, coffee drinking, gun loving nut. At least he had fun with the part. Kim Cattrall's haircut gives a wonderful performance only surpassed by her jugs. Michael J Pollard plays himself for the zillionth time (nitwit).
T & A
Kim Cattrall has two great talents: left breast, right breast…yummy!
I think the director left the camera on, deserted the set and let the actors make their own movie. If there’s a movie that needs some style and crazy camera angles, it’s this one. The director doesn’t even try to divert us from the fact that his film is crap.
A decent "action" score (too bad no action to go with it) hear "heartbeats" often and "Nights In White Satin" makes an appearance.
This movie is a jumbled mess…It’s tedious to sit through and fills us with promises they never fulfill (some good action and a good look at the beast). If the creature is "Satan" (never clear it up) then I’m happy to say that "Beelzebub" is one big pussy, easily dispatched in the blink of an eye.
This movie really takes it’s audience for imbeciles…treats us like morons that will swallow anything (what do I look like Tracy Lords???). Don't be a chump, leave this one on the shelves or better yet steal it from the video store and destroy it…do your fellow man a favor.
This waste of celluloid cost $7 million to make.