ARROW IN THE HEAD REVIEWS

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The Hitcher 2: I've Been Waiting (2003)
Written by: The Arrow
Director: Louis Morneau

Starring:
Kari Wuhrer/Maggie
Jake Busey/Jack
C. Thomas Howell/Jim
PLOT-CRUNCH
Fifteen years after the events that transpired in the original "Hitcher", Jim Halsey (Howell) is now a cop still haunted by what went down after he picked John Ryder up for a ride (get over it dude, it's been fifteen freakin' years!) So his bobble girlfriend (Wuhrer) decides to take him on a road trip to face his fears. Wouldn’t you know it, the moment they hit the asphalt, another hitcher pops up to cause some trouble in the guise of Jake Busey’s fucked up teeth. Boredom (for me) follows.
THE LOWDOWN
What happens when you’re a producer whose bank account is on the low jive? What happens when you lack any type of imagination whatsoever and are talent-challenged? Well, what happens is either a pointless remake of a great film or a sequel like "The Hitcher 2". Fifteen years after the original crashed through the screen, we now get this dud of a follow-up. When you see the producer's wife’s name in the credits...you know you’re in trouble, especially when she has no prior experience in the field whatsoever.

Being that "The Hitcher" is arguably my favorite film of all-time, I was personally against the idea of a "Hitcher 2" from the get-go, especially without ace screenwriter Eric Red attached to it (he wrote the first one). With him on-board, I might have, at least, had a spoonful of hope that a sequel could’ve been decent. So I promised myself I wouldn’t see this follow-up out of principle. But curiosity got the better of me today, I cracked, rented it…and paid dearly. On the slight up note, the first five minutes of this film were actually somewhat clever playing off our expectations. The last five minutes were also ok with an action heavy show capping everything off with energy that was totally lacking from the bulk of the film. The look of the picture was also adequate and Kari Wuhrer sizzled in that tank-top holding a shotgun. But apart from that...I was fubarred to garbage city!

I don’t even need to compare this sad sack to the stellar original to assess its worth. On its own, this waste of remote control battery was badly written, with some of the clumsiest dialogue this side of "Baywatch". The progression of the narrative was either idiotic or snooze-inducing, the pace was slower than a retard trying to decipher a mathematical equation and the thrills were nowhere to be found. And if I do compare it to the first one, gone is the relentless action, gone are the sick plot turns, the pushing of the envelope, the engulfing tension, the thematic nature and the big set of bulldog balls between its legs. This is sub-par generic crap that either goes for the cheap shots or rips off elements from the first one badly. Nothing more, everything less.

The character of the Hitcher himself, played here by Jake Busey, also underwhelmed to the point of self-mutilation. Busey played the psycho in a mucho obvious, stereotypical way (was he playing Gary Busey?) and never came close to reaching the enigmatic, charismatic, dangerous and truly insane show that Rutger Hauer put out in "The Hitcher". He was a freaking cartoon! It also didn’t help that the character was badly drawn out on paper with no purpose in tow but to shoot people and wear his victims’ uniforms (???). You see, in the original film, they got away with the lunatic not having a clear motive due to the captivating relationship he had with Jim and it being the first time around. You felt something was going on beyond the obvious between the two men. But in this sequel, THERE’S NOTHING GOING ON and the “no motive” thang didn’t fly for a micro-second.

Sure, half-baked hints that the loon in the house was either the same hitcher from the original or connected to him were put out there, but they were never followed up on. Since this is a sequel, we needed something concrete to justify The Hitcher’s presence and his actions! It’s obvious to me that the screenwriters just weren't creative enough to come up with anything tangible, so they played the bad handjob game. If I want to get jerked off, I’ll hit the local massage parlor a-holes! This is a movie, give me something to play with other than myself!

They just got it all wrong. Overall, I was detached from "The Hitcher 2" while viewing it, with nothing gripping to see. If witnessing Kari Wuhrer walk around a ghost town for what seems like hours, to then have a sole silly boo scare be the payoff talks to you...then by all means be my guest and rent this twat. The only time I woke up was when clips from the original arose. Skip this tramp kids, she’s a dead lay and doesn’t swallow. JUST WATCH THE HITCHER AGAIN!
GORE
We get an after-the-fact saw incident, after-the-fact stabbings, bullet wounds, cut off fingers and Jake Busey’s fucked up teeth.
ACTING
Kari Wuhrer (Maggie) did what she could with the cruddy dialogue she was given and once again proved just how good of an actress she is by not looking like a fool. Jake Busey (Jack) played Jake Busey, but in a trenchcoat and with some stubble on his chin. His fucked up teeth did the rest. C. Thomas Howell (Jim) didn’t ring true half the time and wasn’t helped by the stinky lines he had to spit out.
T & A
We get Kari Wuhrer in tight Jeans and a tight top (that top should’ve come off to compensate for the movie sucking ass!) and the females get Jake Busey’s fucked up teeth.
DIRECTING
Morneau gives the flick a slick look. I dug the photography, the use of filters and the occasional slow motion. The action scenes were also adequately directed. Alas, the staging of the suspense scenes were nil, Morneau overdid it in the “camera wandering shots” and the pace lagged more than a sedated hooker. He did do a good job at capturing the marvel that was Jake Busey’s fucked up teeth though.
SOUNDTRACK
We get an average, if not at times, damn redundant score. Blah.
BOTTOM LINE
Apart from clips from "The Hitcher", Jake Busey’s fucked up teeth and Wuhrer’s sweet ass, "The Hitcher 2" was a forgettable, bland, inept, idiotic, boring and badly written “product” that was so far off from the high quality of the original that it already doesn’t exist in my mind’s eye. It's getting erased as we…what movie was I talking about again? Dammit, I forgot. Oh well…thank God that nobody has ever done a sequel to "The Hitcher", that film rocks so freakin' bad! It would be a shame if certain clowns were to band together in the name of greed to spit out a shit-ass sequel just to make a few bucks to pay for their yearly Viagra supply. I’m soooo glad that never went down!!
BULL'S EYE
This flick was shot in Alberta, Canada.
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