The Omen (remake) (2006)
Director: John Moore
Mia Farrow/Mrs. Baylock
Some assembly line worker in Hollywood decided to remake the 1976 classic THE OMEN probably because we’re in 2006 and the 666 marketing campaign was finally feasible. The plot of the film? Rich couple raises the son of Satan; diaper changing is the least of their worries.
From where I stand, remaking a horror film as solid as THE OMEN is ridiculous in itself.
You’re just setting yourself up for a violent fall, unless you equal or better it. Two things that didn’t come close to happening in this pathetic and flatter than
Kiera Knightley's chest remake.
Remember when used up singer Sheryl Crow covered, very badly, the tight
Guns and Roses song “Sweet Child of Mine”? Same thing here except on a film scale. Next to nothing worked in this re-telling.
Didn't the people behind this remake watch the original? If they did they would
know that the
love story between Robert and Catherine Thorn is what jacked up the stakes of
the storyline! It was the core of it all! That's why the horror worked! WE
CARED! Here that strength was totally absent. These people loved each other? I wouldn’t have known. They had as much chemistry between them as I have with my left hand on a hangover Sunday
morning. And the total mis-casting of Julia Stiles in the role didn’t
help matters either (she looks like a 15 year old, not woman). I didn’t believe in her character or most of her delivery
Not entirely her fault as the script gave her dick all to work with.
With that human element TOTALLY gone all that was left was seeing the film
sloppily rush through the story's more crucial events. It was as if the
filmmakers had a checklist of the "hard hitting plot turns and tension laced
scenes" from the 1976 classic on them and they just went through it with ZERO
care or skill, just to say that they covered their bases (the Zoo scene was a perfect
example of that). And they dragged on and on when it came to the more banal stuff
to boot! COME ON GUYS! It definately smelled like the movie was overcooked in
the editing room, cause it just didn't flow.
Fear wise, there were a couple of cheap "boo scares" that worked (with music cranked up loud
no less) but if you’re looking for momentum,
potent suspense or/and bite, you won’t find it here. This flick had the impact of a
Meredith Baxter Birney TV Movie of the week at best.
And what of Damien,
did they at least nail that? Not even close. In the original film, the demon tot
was younger, didn’t have many lines and had an
ambiguous presence about him. Here he was a tad older (well looked older
anyways) and solely came across as a kid making “mean” faces (or was it
constipation) with nothing
substantial behind them to back them up. If this is the son of Satan, we have nothing to worry about.
Tag to all that; a failure in capitalizing and making us believe in the situations/conflicts it set up
(Was Catherine in danger? Didn't feel it), silly-ass “dream sequences” (aka desperate ploys to spruce up the flick) and a total mis-handling of the
"full proof" finale and you get…well not much.
Any good stuff in here? Sure, the
film looked candy coated slick on all fronts, the "story" padding worked
(relating Damien’s arrival to today’s political/social climate), the different
(yet inferior) take on the famous “beheading”
bit from the first was pretty groovy (although it was a rip of a Final
Destination 2 kill) and Stiles aside the cast did B+ okay (they paled in comparison to the cast of its forefather though). Furthermore
the film did have one "murder variation" that carried some serious punch (it involved a
syringe) and that in itself was a freaking feat taking into account the overall staleness of the
rest of the movie. With that pitched your way, this one was a six/six/shit dead lay who
wished it was a Porn Star. Kick it off the bed! Not worth
the time or the pumps! NEXT!
For those who haven't seen the original, I won't give away the kills here. For those who have, well they're the same thing with some minute changes now and then. Liked what they did with the beheading! Nice one! The impaling on the other hand, ruined by bad CG. Who says better technology means better effects?
Liev Schreiber (Robert) was on the ball and gave a credible/emotinal show but lacked the presence/strenght that Grergory Peck exhuded in the original. Mia Farrow (Mrs. Baylock) was effective yet underused as the creepy Nanny. Julia Stiles (Katherine) didn't work. She's usually a good actress hence I'll blame the editing and/or the script. David Thewlis (Keith) was perfect casting for this role! The man is captivating even when doing nothing.
Pete Postlethwaite (Father Brennan) was overall decent but at times un-intentionally funny. Seamus Davey-Fitzpatrick (Damien) didn't sell me, period. I kept hoping to see Chucky hop in to whoop him off frame.
T & A
The ladies get Liev Schreiber in a tank top, we get day- dreaming of lesbian nurses "healing each other" during the dull parts.
Moore made the flick look glossy (which took away from me buying into the premise), the money was onscreen (at $60,000,000 it better be) and some of the shots we're gnarly. But he failed in generating suspense, emotion and while overdoing the shaky cam bit. This is a character driven horror film not an action movie bre!
Marco Beltrami delivered a strong and spooky score, too bad the film couldn't keep up and that he didn't make me forget Jerry Goldsmith.
On its own THE OMEN 2006 missed the mark BIG TIME when it came to making me give a
damn about its characters, having me buy what was going down and giving me any heebie- jeebies. Granted, they're were "some"
random kool bits but not near enough to notch it anywhere near "good" status. When compared to the original...LOL...it
brought home at how "inane"
the decision to remake THE OMEN was in the first place. Did they make all the bad choices on purpose just to be different from the original? If I wanna see THE OMEN but played
shoddily, I'll just get utterly WASTED and watch Donner's tour de force while blowing out magic bubbles... standing
on my head. Who needs this shite! I don't think I've
ever said this about a film in a review before; it DESERVES to tank at the Box
Office! TANK! TANK YOU BITCH!
Rachel Weisz was initially offered the part of Katherine but turned it down cause she was preganant at the time. .Alicia Witt, Laura Linney and Hope Davis we're also all considered for the role.
The flick cost $60,000,000.
VISIT THE OFFICIAL OMEN SITE HERE