The Slumber Party Massacre (1982)
Director: Amy Jones
A group of young "happy go titties" gals see their slumber party interrupted by some â€śmust beâ€ť impotent serial killer. Armed with a big ass drill to compensate for his lack of boulders and breadstick downstairs, the loon stares at those Nichons and makes sure that red syrup hits the screen!
The hombre at the video store where I rented this baby told me: â€śYou know, itâ€™s a feminist slasherâ€ť.
I didnâ€™t get it. I mean thatâ€™s like saying â€śYou know heâ€™s a gay guy that digs eating femme-peachâ€ťâ€¦but I digress. Having now sat through this PMS-er; I "capished" what video-boy was rambling about. Allow me to expand, not that you have a choice or anything like that.
What qualified this as a feminist slasher? Well, the sad-sack male characters
were the initial hint. What was that puny serial killer with the over
compensating phallic drill all about? I couldnâ€™t take this whack-job seriously and had a hard time buying that these girls couldnâ€™t
nip him in the bud sooner. He was a joke on two legs with a Power Tool acting as
the punch line! The young male "teens" (I use that term loosely) gave
masculinity a bad name as well. They came across as â€śqueer as folksâ€ť trying to act straight while dreaming of
pixie-dust. Jeff (Millbern) and Neil (Johnson/Neil) in particular cracked me up (see pic above)! Not only did their â€śsailor reduxâ€ť
shirts scream â€śphony-heteroâ€ť, but every time they would share dialogue or longing
stares, I'd swear they wanted to chew each other's fat. They were THOSE guys being those guys when not
being the guys they were supposed to be!Â
Having said that, for a â€śfeministâ€ť slasher, Slumber Part Massacre did wind up blatantly milking its female goodies dry
like a horny little trooper! Was it poking fun at the TNA slasher conventions? Was it helmed by
lusting lesbians? Who gives a Mickey Rourkeâ€™s
cheek implants! The result was the same, butt naked chicks for the whole cell
block with that early multi-girls shower scene
being the highlight. WOW! Subtlety was not on the menu; where that camera shamelessly lingered
on the whole castâ€™s â€śI want to grabâ€ť assets. I felt like I was at a Chinese buffet, checking out the dishes
while being at odds as to what to chow on first! And that was just the tip of
the nipple where as we moved forward, "fun-bags" kept popping out of the
constantly. As for the film itself, well I must admit to being mildly
entertained throughout. Although it was a
standard slash-fest with the usual devices in tow, I do have to commend it for giving me a little bit more juice to sip on. Iâ€™m talking un-intentional laughs (20-30 something
actors acting like young teens = funny), rips on Halloween, random suspenseful scenes (Brinke
vs. the killer being the best one), occasional gore, some slick visuals and
humorous dry witted dialogue. A note on the yap-yap; this flick had some
awesome lines with,
â€śIt's not the size of your mouth; it's what's in it that countsâ€ť
being my favorite. Words to live by ladies,
jolt that shite down!
Unfortunately, I canâ€™t say that I gave a skinned-cat about anybody in this shin
dig. Dumb hot broads, dumb manly looking broads, weakling twat male characters
and a girly-man killer. Who was I supposed to root for again?
To be honest, I wanted to get in there and kill them all myself... show em how
it's done right! Furthermore, the lack of meat (no pun
intended) within the narrative resulted in some â€ślumberingâ€ť. Lets
face it, the story (or lack of) here couldâ€™ve been told in half an hour at best! Result: the middle section was all about
aimless padding (pun intended) with
way too many overlong scare sequences that ended with limp fake scares. How
tedious! So on the whole, Slumber party Massacre was an okay watch, it was
nothing to get a wedgie about but it gave me enough jiggles and red blotches for it to be worth
a couple of baby oil strokes. So you and your drill gonna crash this Gazonga
Party or what?
We get a chick with a drill hole in her forehead, a severed head, eyes gouged out, stabbings, a slashed throat, some drill damage, a chopped off hand and an impaling. You will see Ketchup but I still feel that they're were way too many off-screen kills going on.
All of the acting by the main cast was surprisingly good! The now deceased Scream Queen Robin Stille (Valerie) owned as always. Brinke Stevens (Linda) held her own admirably on every front. Michael Villela (Russ) did what he could with what he was given; I just didnâ€™t think he was imposing enough to be credible. My Grandma couldâ€™ve whooped his ass and sheâ€™s 98! Joe Johnson (Neil) and David Millbern (Jeff) said their lines adequatly but their poodle haircuts and flaming shirts often distracted me. Their character names shouldâ€™ve been â€śNeil and Bobâ€ť as opposed to â€śNeil and Jeffâ€ť but thatâ€™s just me. Jennifer Meyers (Courtney) got on my nerves. Sure seeing 20/30 somethingâ€™s act like naĂŻve young teens is humorous, but she took it too damn far. I wanted to break that lollipop across her face and beat her with a Barney video tape.
T & A
Brinke Stevens' butt and tit shots would have been enough for this horny bastard but by the hammer of Thor, everybody dropped their tops at the drop of a top in this movie! Way too many hooters at play to keep track! HIP HIP HURRAY!
Director Amy Jones shined via a potent use of slow motion, well constructed scare bits and a kool use of darkness. I felt tension in places and the fact that I didnâ€™t give a damn about the peeps in this Zoo meant that Miss Jones was doing something right.
The Casio/Organ score by Ralph Jones had me in stitches! Dated and all over the place; just the way mommy you must blend them.
Slumber Party Massacre didnâ€™t wind up being the tasty parmesan cheese cake that I expected it to be, but it still came through as an easy 76 minutes of cheap laughs, ample knockers and decent gore. Although it didnâ€™t re-invent the slasher wheel by any means, it did manage to be cleverer than the norm in places and that was worth something.
Sadly for me, I didnâ€™t give a dick about any of the characters, groaned at the frequent, overlong & pointless â€śend on fake scareâ€ť fear bits and wasn't impressed by the clown-tart posing as a â€śfrightening killerâ€ť. What can you do? By the way; if thereâ€™s one thing I Iearned from this movie is that slumber parties are all about girls taking off their bras like it was Mardis Gras. So that's what they do...hey... Iâ€™m all for that Tonto! Itâ€™s freaking healthy! Now when will I be invited to one already? Iâ€™m really good with those tricky bra hooks and Iâ€™ll wear a dress on principal! COME ON!
During Linda's (Brinke Stevens) chase scene, you'll spot two gags: flyers that say "Join the Drill Team!" and "Emergency Drill Instructions."
Lookout for the Sylvester Stallone, Playgirl mag cover.
The film was written by lesbian writer Rita Mae Brown(Rubyfruit Jungle). Thx to Dave for the heads up!
Amy Jones went on to write The Relic, The Getaway (remake) and Beethoven. She also wrote and directed the Halle Berry thriller â€śThe Rich Manâ€™s Wifeâ€ť.
Robin Stille committed suicide in 1996. RIP girl!
This joyride has spawned two sequels. I hear Part 2 is quite the odd bird! Will try to check it out.