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Unfriended (2015)
Written by: The Arrow
Director: Levan Gabriadze

Starring:
Shelley Hennig/Blaire
Renee Olstead/Jess
Heather Sossaman/Laura
Will Peltz/Adam
6 10
PLOT-CRUNCH
A group of teens get on Skype to have a mass convo but an unwanted guest joins them i.e. the ghost of a dead teen that one or some of them have wronged. Try to unfriend that shite fackers!
THE LOWDOWN

I missed UNFRIENDED when it came out in theatres (I think I was clipping my toe nails at the time), but I was always interested in tapping it being that the word of mouth on it had been pretty stellar. So when the Blu-Ray (out tomorrow August 11, 2015 - get it here!) landed on my doorstep, I felt compelled to give it a look-see and report back to y’all on a film that you’ve probably already seen. So what did I think? Do you care? Read on, either way!

Well for one, I‘m happy I didn’t see this on the big screen. Who the f*ck wants to pay 15 bucks to sit in a large theaters with a bunch of people and look at a somebody's Desktop activity for an hour and a half? Well I don’t that’s for sure. But the movie stroked me right as a "small screen, at home in my jockeys sit down" and here’s why. For one the teenage characters (Will Peltz as Adam being my favorite, what an a-hole, reminded me of me as a teen) were credible in their loud, obnoxious, horny and fairly impulsive demeanors. I didn’t see actors when I watched them do their thing, I saw real young people. So the fact that I bought this lot definitely upped my enjoyment of the proceedings … even though I wanted to behead at least half of them (even our heroine winds up being unlikable over time - ahhh to be a teenager again). 

And huge kudos to the filmmakers for not only addressing the socially relevant issue of cyber bullying (man I’m happy there was no internet when I was in high school, I don’t know how today’s kids do it yo) in the guise of a horror film but for also slyly communicating their story using today‘s most common social media tools like Facebook, Skype (and its IM), Gmail, YouTube, chat rooms…etc. You’d think that watching a ghost story unravel through that medium would be a bore-fest, but being that like most of you out there, Facebook, Skype, Gmail etc. are places that I visit daily; I could relate with what I saw onscreen, hence was involved and when the horror began to seep in, it resulted in some freaky shit. 

Speaking of the horror, how did it fare on that front? Well I thought the idea was a good one and the buildup aka the first 40 minutes or so were pretty creepy (PMs or Skype calls from a dead person = brrrr) but the film never managed to go beyond that level actually be scary which was a damn shame. In fact, once it kicked into high gear (with a healthy game of “I never”) that’s when it started to lose me. You see the more the game progressed, the more ENDLESS yelling and BICKERING between the teens augmented and the more my tolerance for empty noise was put to the test. I swear if one of these kids would have just learned to just shut the f*ck up for half a second, maybe they would have been wise enough to just unplug their computers and RUN out of the house. But nooo…. yap, yap, yap, yap like a bunch of noisy chicks and coming up with jack squat! Sigh... I tuned out a bit when the teen NOISE began...

Then we had the kills themselves. Some of them were “okay”, but the majority of them were too soft or were communicated too quickly hence reeked of missed opportunities. With a higher gore quotient and more time spent on the kills as opposed to glimpses (a Final Destination like approach would have been swell), the human laundry could have left a mark and upped the impact of the picture. As-is, looking back; I only remember two deaths and they were nothing to purchase a mail order bride over. Finally, the last act fell into the redundant spin cycle and I wish the film had mixed up its going-ons a tad instead of just repeating itself over and over again. I get it, a question, a countdown, YELLING and a limp murder. LETS MOVE ON! Some ghostly apparitions, shit moving by itself, a tit shot... SOMETHING ELSE...  would have appreciated by this jerk.

PS: One question remains; what the f*ck did Laura Barnes eat at that party? I have seen peeps shit themselves drunk off their asses before but the mess she made was beyond out of hand! I was thinking beef chili, but I am open to debate. Talk amongst yourselves and lets reconvene in the comment section below. This mystery must be solved!

Overall, I liked UNFRIENDED as I watched it, mostly for its unique and very now angle as to telling its familiar ghost story. Would I see it again? Nope. Worth one tap on the ass and then a flush. POKE!

GORE
There wasn’t much gore, but two kills took me aback at how nasty they were (for this film that is), all I'll say is bender (I laughed out loud at that one) and knife in the...
T & A
Panties and cleavage. All I vaguely remember.
BOTTOM LINE
Bullying, hauntings and supernatural revenge are nothing new to us horror fiends but them elements being conveyed via Skype, Gmail, Facebook etc… well that’s a first! I was surprised as to how much the gimmick worked and tagged with realistic teen characters (for better and for worse) and a solid build-up – the film had me in its grasp for a while. Alas once it came time to crank up its going-ons, the happenings became redundant, didn’t go far enough for my liking with its kills, was not scary one bit and yeah hearing teens bicker over one another loudly non-stop tested my patience. Your age range will define just how much you dig this sucka in my useless opinion. The younger you are, the better the film will be. But hey, the f*ck I know?! NEXT!
BULL'S EYE
The film was shot in one house with all the cast members placed in different rooms.

The flick was titled Offline and then Cybernatural.
Strikeback
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4:29AM on 08/22/2015

You're pretty much spot-on

I'd have given it like a 6.5 or something. It was a helluva lot better than it had any right being (and FANTASTIC use of the technology), and the start of the "I never" game was actually pretty damn chilling, but they went to that well one too many times. They should have stopped with the game when the person died because of it... I think they ran out of ideas.
Either way, didn't hate it. But nothing I'd recommend more than the "well, it didn't suck" front.

And, yeah, I couldn't tell what
I'd have given it like a 6.5 or something. It was a helluva lot better than it had any right being (and FANTASTIC use of the technology), and the start of the "I never" game was actually pretty damn chilling, but they went to that well one too many times. They should have stopped with the game when the person died because of it... I think they ran out of ideas.
Either way, didn't hate it. But nothing I'd recommend more than the "well, it didn't suck" front.

And, yeah, I couldn't tell what that was on her ass. But I guess it really didn't matter in the long run.
Your Reply:



12:42PM on 08/10/2015

Shit, bro

That was shit? I thought her aunt had paid a visit.
That was shit? I thought her aunt had paid a visit.
Your Reply:



2:43PM on 08/10/2015
LMAO! Yeah shit and piss...
LMAO! Yeah shit and piss...

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