ARROW IN THE HEAD REVIEWS

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Visiting Hours (1982)
Written by: The Arrow
Director: Jean-Claude Lord

Starring:
Michael Ironside/Colt
Lee Grant/Deborah
Linda Purl/Sheila
William Shatner/Gary
PLOT-CRUNCH
Michael Ironside and his big bad, gay-ass leather vest hates women, specially feminists and he’s gonna show them who’s the boss Danza style by putting his phallic knife to good use and taking pictures of the dames as they die! Yes, he’s a romatic.
THE LOWDOWN
One of the pleasures of going to kick it with some of my foreign horror loving friends is that they always have killer genre DVD collections for me to tap. When I saw the Canadian made VISITING HOURS on my bud’s shelves (a film I had never seen before), I had to check it out, if only cause of the groovy one-sheet alone. So what did I think of the movie? You tell me!

Tell me how I would feel about a slasher that dices off camera most of the time. A slasher that has one hot ass girl strip down to show us NA and THING beyond undies. A slasher that sport a killer so dense, that he’d abuse a girl in his own home and then LET HER GO without thinking for a second that his actions would come back to f*ck him? So, what say you? You’d think I’d hate the bitch? Funnily enough I didn’t. VISITING HOURS was good in terms of milking its hospital location with all the dread it could muster. It also hit pay dirt with Michael Ironside going full on loon for our viewing pleasure. He’s a racist or so we’re told, wears female jewellery on his face and is all messed up because his daddy tickled him and poured booze down his throat when he was a brat. I couldn’t make this shit up! PURE GOLD!

Moreover its hard to go wrong with William Shatner popping in and out of the scenery with zero purpose other than to eat yogurt, wear a spiffy coat and emanate off beat “why am I here again” charm. Shatner is such the mack that in the flick, everybody puts him in charge when he arrives, even on a crime scene, problem is, he played a TV producer. LOL! It made no sense! Yes the so bad they were good elements here rarely stopped kicking in. The loon’s master of disguise tendencies, his “poor me my daddy was a drunk” flashbacks, the is she or isn’t she a lesbos side heroine and the greatest puta to ever grace the screen is the sense that she was FREE...kept rolling in to tickle my funny boner.

Now although the random stalk sequences and moments of mean spiritedness hit the spot, VISITING HOURS had me cracking throughout hence making it more of a comedy for me. On the mucho downside; did second unit quit halfway through the shoot? Lots of the flick felt disjointed with trite moves to serve the plot (dumbest cops ever in this film). Flick also had a hard time keeping its heroine in the hospital via rational reasons. Is it me or if someone wants to leave a hospital, he/ she has the RIGHT to no? Not in this movie! And who gets surgery for a couple of cuts and bruises again? Moreover, I easily could’ve done without the “message” being churned out here; it had to do with feminists and the cavemen who want nathing to do with them… all wrap up in a hardcore misogynist flick. Look at my face! Talk about hypocritical!

On the whole, I can’t deny that I had fun with this Canuck mean machine for the right and the wrong reasons...the latter more frequently of course. A flick to see with buds and beers in tow! It carved a smile on my face!
GORE
Not much, apart from some life supports being shut off, random stabbings, a forearm slammed in glass, boiling water splashed in face and Shatner’s toupee. This one played the dry and off screen game way to many times to be reckoned as a potent slasher.
ACTING
Michael Ironside (Colt) went buck nuts as the psycho and loving it dude with a twat power phobia. Loved him! I have no idea why William Shatner (Gary) was in the film, his role had no point but hey it’s The Shat Man, always a treat to see him do his thing. Lee Grant (Deborah) was okay I guess but her constant whining and screeching made me want to show her the way to my dirty dishes – annoying. Linda Purl (Sheila) was much likeable while Lenore Zann (Lisa) as the tramp with the most had my Jeans come to life, too bad the clothes stayed on…
T & A
What kind of slasher as some hooker wannabe (I say wannabe cause she doesn’t charge) strip down to then show us NOTHING. Pretty damn pathetic. I was ashamed to be Canadian during that scene...come on!
DIRECTING
Lord managed to evoke a sense of dread and minor tension via his visuals
SOUNDTRACK
We get a moody and somewhat dated score that worked on the macabre and kitsch level.
BOTTOM LINE
I can just imagine how f*cking great VISITNG HOURS would’ve been if it had embraced its slasher M.O. This one begged for gore and TNA! Alas it was not meant to be. With that said, Ironside butt-f*cking the scenery, a creepy setting, Shatner being Shatner for no other reason than he’s f*cking Shatner and ineptness across the board resulted in a cheap/fun time at the movies. It should be a 2 on 4 but am giving it a 2.5 cause any flick that entertains me this much wins my middle finger up! Bend this one over if in the mood for an easy yet dry hump!
BULL'S EYE
Lee Grant also acted in The Swarm, The Omen 2 and Lynch's Mulholland Dr.

Linda Pul played Ashley Pfister on the hit TV show Happy Days.

Michael Ironside was born on February 12 1950 in Toronto, Ontario, Canada
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