Wind Chill (2007)
Director: Gregory Jacobs
Martin Donovan/Highway Patrolman
Bitter and uber ball breaking gal (Blunt) tags with oddball, quasi creepy geek (Holmes) to take a car trip home for the holidays. Geek takes a left field detour in the name of trying to lock the deal with dame, car breaks down…on a haunted stretch of snowy road, ghosts pop up and I’m bored to tears
of WIND CHILL while it was shooting and what was
reported had me pumped for it. I dug the initial premise, the atmospheric winter setting and the promise of a mature, restrained and old school spook offering. So yeah, I was bummed when the film came and went into theaters faster than me in the sack after a bottle of tequila. But hey, life is all about second chances, so I got to tap its ass on DVD. Was the hump worth the wait ? NADA!
WTF was this flick’s problem? Like really! Sure, the bulk of the good shite "surface" checklist was checked: polished visuals, mood imbued setting (you just can’t go wrong with the snowy and magnetic BC snow covered mountains), and an engaging score (by none other than maestro extraordinaire Clint Mansell). Even the two lead actors fronting the show had hefty chops to spare and then some! So what went sour apart from my facial expression clenching in frustration come frame 2 and onwards? Well somebody forgot to write a script that went beyond an initial premise and to establish characters that I could give half of a half of a f*ck about.
WIND CHILL went like this: two VERY unlikable lead characters were introduced; the bitch and the dweeb as I liked to call them. I was then bullied into spending time with them as they squabbled, complained and didn’t get along. Endless and dim bla- bla- bla later a silly plot turn to force the story in one direction took place and then I had to bear witness to a series of inefficient, illogical and bland scare set pieces having to do with a cop in a K-mart outfit and a bunch of bald rejects from Dark City. Countless groovy yet under-developed ideas were tossed my way: back and forth in time, hints of reincarnation, some CGI embarrassments… but alas none of them curve balls were fleshed out or hit hard enough to matter. By the time I hit the one hour mark and the characters finally became somewhat sympathetic, it was too little to late. I didn’t give a flying Strawberry Dacari.
Granted, WIND CHILL meant well and it showed. It doubled down on a technical level and its efforts were appreciated. Problem was, with no sturdy script to back its shenanigans up, the whole was akin to a chick giving ya head without ever using her hand to get the most out of that BJ. Result? Dead lay, impotent genre film, blow me!
If shoddy CG of a snake like thingy tumbling out of one’s mouth and a head freezing count as gore for you then…NO.
Emily Blunt (Girl) and Ashton Holmes (Guy) played their roles very well. They both obviously have mucho talent and I look forward in seeing them in other films. Thing was, she played a cold, nagging bitch and he a borderline sociopath nerd for at least an hour in hence…I DIDN’T LIKE THEM! Martin Donovan (Highway Patrolman) is always good shite in my book and he’s always better when he plays a loon…like he did here! NICE!
T & A
One word…COW. Second word…NO!
I actually boogied to Gregory Jacob’s eye. He aimed for slow, calculated (awesome dolly shots here) and mature. No quick cut, MTV jive and I dug that. The man also milked his distinctive, snowy setting for all it was worth with class. But straight up, where was the script? All the sly visuals in the world cannot make up for NO SCRIPT! COME ON!
Clint Mansell, a personal fav of mine, put out a morose and riveting score that was WAYYYYY too good for this tepid offering.
WIND CHILL should’ve lasted 10 seconds. My version would've went like this: dude offers girl a ride, she accepts, she then starts whining and being rude, dude kicks her out of his moving car, stops at a Motel, gets a room, gets a hooker, gets laid – The End. Un-appealing leads, snail paced, a padded first hour, limp wrist scares and a story that made ZERO sense to my feeble brain cell; I groaned throughout this sit down. Only things that kept me from throwing my TV set off my 4 story balcony in utter frustrating were; slick visuals, strong acting, and stronger score. I say skip this one and if it ever makes its way within your home without your consent; blow up your house up and rid your humble abode of true evil i.e. a horror pistol shooting blanks.
The flick was shot in British Columbia, Canada.
Emily Blunt is in reality British.
BEAT UP THE WIND CHILL WEBSITE HERE