UPDATE:
I'm gonna "pull an Oprah" on this one, folks...mea culpa.
I hadn't fully read this review all the way through and didn't
realize that 'Scoopy' hadn't seen the film in its entirety,
which I believe, should be a prerequisite for offering your opinion
on any movie. Sorry about that. I'm leaving the review up
anyway, but with this disclaimer. One thing I will say is that the
reviewer is 100% NOT a rival studio or a plant. I've known this
person for over 4-5 years, so it's a "real person" who saw
the film...they just didn't like it and walked out. Again, my
apologies for posting it in the first place.
JoBlo here. Our good
friend 'Scoopy' recently sent us his review of the upcoming American
remake of the Asian film PULSE,
coming out on March 3rd, and according to him, The Weinstein Company
has got a big-time stinker on its hands. Needless to say, the review
below is VERY NEGATIVE, but contains NO SPOILERS so
read away. What's up, Scoop!
Hey dude, got to go to a screener last night for the latest
remake of Pulse, so, since I'm a huge fan of the site (as you know),
I figured I'd give you a review. Ok, so, we were told that the film
was a work print. The sound wasn't finished, the effects weren't
finished, the film was gritty looking.
I've
seen enough work prints to not care. I want atmosphere, good story
telling...
No amount of post production work will help this
film.
First off, I'd like to take this opportunity to point out to all
the film companies out there. AMERICA IS THE ONLY COUNTRY RE-MAKING
MOVIES! Doesn't that just say something right
there? Doesn't that open up a window in your thick skulls? PULSE is
yet another horror re-make from Asia, following in the line of Ringu,
Ju-On, The Eye, Dark Water, not to mention crime dramas like
Infernal Affairs (The Departed) and Oldboy.
Being a screenwriter, it was with utmost pleasure that I walked
out of this film halfway, walked into the lobby where the focus
group people were and said "This is a very bad movie. You
people should be ashamed of yourselves."
And
then proceeded to tell them what I'm about to tell you.
First off, you have got to be one desperate director to take a
re-make.
They had to bring over the original
director of The Grudge to re-direct it... and the sequel! I mean,
come on! That right there should be an indication. Gore
Verbinski gave us The Ring. Ok. But what had he done before that?
Mousehunt? The Mexican? Ugh. Ok, fine. I think it was
pretty obvious that the first re-make of an Asian horror movie was
going to make good money, especially with Naomi Watts starring and
Erhen Kruger writing.
Verbinski's name brought nothing to the film.
"FROM THE DIRECTOR OF MOUSEHUNT COMES..."
Sheeeit.
Hideo Nakata gives us The Ring Two... another example of an Asian
director getting paid a ton of money (more money than in Asia
anyway) to direct a film he's already directed. Now this guy is
directing the American version of The Eye, for Wagner / Cruise.
See a pattern here?
Pulse is a re-make from the 2001 film of the same name, and
directed by Jim Sonzero.
I'm sorry, who?
Jim Sonzero. Jim. You know Jim. He worked on War of
the Angels in 1999. Can we blame Jim for
taking a job six years after his first and last directing job? Hell
no. But, either Jim hasn't been watching movies the last seven
years, or he hasn't learned anything about directing movies.
The second flag that went up for me was... there are five writers
on this film. Five. Stephen Susco (who gave us the re-make of The
Grudge), Tim Day (who gave us Hellraiser Deader and Hellseeker),
Vince Gilligan (who gave us Home Fries, shudder), Ray Wright (who's
given us nothing) and, wait for it... Wes Craven.
Don't ask, I have no idea.
Then we have the cast. A bunch of no names. Ok, that's no
problem. I mean, you've seen the faces of three of these six kids.
Rick Gonzalez and Samm Levine. You should recognize Jonathan Tucker
(who just recently had an episode on Masters of Horror, Dance of the
Dead).
The rest, Kristen Bell, Christina Milian and Ian Somerhalder...
well, let's just say that they won't get any future work based on
the acting they did in this film.
The editing, at this stage, was plain awful. But, let's hope they
clean that up a bit before it's released.
This film is perpetuating a frightening trend of making mediocre
to bad horror movies for little to no money (budget is $7.5
million), and pulling in some dough from horror fans begging for
good movies, only to be ultimately disappointed by the same company
that brought us Scream, I Know What You Did Last Summer, Final
Destination and a number of other decent horror films, yeah I'm
talking to you Dimension!
Long sentence, sorry.
Eli Roth didn't need to re-make a movie to make money. Brad
Anderson, same thing. Jeremy Haft. David Gebroe. Rob Zombie. James
Wan. Darren Lynn Bousman. Leigh Whannell. And that's just a handful
of creators over the past four, five years, who used small budgets
and their imaginations to create very cool movies.
Imagine what's out there, waiting to get made for $1 million?
Tons of films, and under the right conditions, films that could be
really successful. Hell, even at $2-5 million. Who isn't looking
forward to Feast? I know I am.
And I won't even start on our recent trend of remaking our own
films. Let's just say I warned you when we get the remake of A
Clockwork Orange, or Bladerunner, or The Godfather.
What I'm hoping is that reviews like this will get into the heads
of some of you out there who are thinking of spending $10.75 to see
a BAD movie. Stop it. Stop being just a consumer. Spend your money
wisely, and try to get these movie executives to see that the point
of movies is the entertain US.
Anyway, I'm trying here. Go out and see the originals. Buy a
bootleg version of the film off of eBay. See a screening in
Manhattan. Wait for the Asian Film Festivals. But for gods sake.
Stay away from American re-makes. They're flooding the industry with
hack directors, writers, actors and actresses, and doing a lot of
damage to the horror industry to boot.
Thanks, dude.
Scoopy.
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4:21PM on 02/22/2006