Early Pulse review

Comments: 12
terometer
11%
Strike Back below!
by: JoBlo Jan. 27, 2006

UPDATE: I'm gonna "pull an Oprah" on this one, folks...mea culpa. I hadn't fully read this review all the way through and didn't realize that 'Scoopy' hadn't seen the film in its entirety, which I believe, should be a prerequisite for offering your opinion on any movie. Sorry about that. I'm leaving the review up anyway, but with this disclaimer. One thing I will say is that the reviewer is 100% NOT a rival studio or a plant. I've known this person for over 4-5 years, so it's a "real person" who saw the film...they just didn't like it and walked out. Again, my apologies for posting it in the first place.

JoBlo here. Our good friend 'Scoopy' recently sent us his review of the upcoming American remake of the Asian film PULSE, coming out on March 3rd, and according to him, The Weinstein Company has got a big-time stinker on its hands. Needless to say, the review below is VERY NEGATIVE, but contains NO SPOILERS so read away. What's up, Scoop!

Hey dude, got to go to a screener last night for the latest remake of Pulse, so, since I'm a huge fan of the site (as you know), I figured I'd give you a review. Ok, so, we were told that the film was a work print. The sound wasn't finished, the effects weren't finished, the film was gritty looking. I've seen enough work prints to not care. I want atmosphere, good story telling... 

No amount of post production work will help this film.

First off, I'd like to take this opportunity to point out to all the film companies out there. AMERICA IS THE ONLY COUNTRY RE-MAKING MOVIES! Doesn't that just say something right there? Doesn't that open up a window in your thick skulls? PULSE is yet another horror re-make from Asia, following in the line of Ringu, Ju-On, The Eye, Dark Water, not to mention crime dramas like Infernal Affairs (The Departed) and Oldboy.

Being a screenwriter, it was with utmost pleasure that I walked out of this film halfway, walked into the lobby where the focus group people were and said "This is a very bad movie. You people should be ashamed of yourselves." And then proceeded to tell them what I'm about to tell you.

First off, you have got to be one desperate director to take a re-make. They had to bring over the original director of The Grudge to re-direct it... and the sequel! I mean, come on! That right there should be an indication. Gore Verbinski gave us The Ring. Ok. But what had he done before that? Mousehunt? The Mexican? Ugh. Ok, fine. I think it was pretty obvious that the first re-make of an Asian horror movie was going to make good money, especially with Naomi Watts starring and Erhen Kruger writing.

Verbinski's name brought nothing to the film.

"FROM THE DIRECTOR OF MOUSEHUNT COMES..."

Sheeeit.

Hideo Nakata gives us The Ring Two... another example of an Asian director getting paid a ton of money (more money than in Asia anyway) to direct a film he's already directed. Now this guy is directing the American version of The Eye, for Wagner / Cruise.

See a pattern here?

Pulse is a re-make from the 2001 film of the same name, and directed by Jim Sonzero. I'm sorry, who? Jim Sonzero. Jim. You know Jim. He worked on War of the Angels in 1999. Can we blame Jim for taking a job six years after his first and last directing job? Hell no. But, either Jim hasn't been watching movies the last seven years, or he hasn't learned anything about directing movies.

The second flag that went up for me was... there are five writers on this film. Five. Stephen Susco (who gave us the re-make of The Grudge), Tim Day (who gave us Hellraiser Deader and Hellseeker), Vince Gilligan (who gave us Home Fries, shudder), Ray Wright (who's given us nothing) and, wait for it... Wes Craven.

Don't ask, I have no idea.

Then we have the cast. A bunch of no names. Ok, that's no problem. I mean, you've seen the faces of three of these six kids. Rick Gonzalez and Samm Levine. You should recognize Jonathan Tucker (who just recently had an episode on Masters of Horror, Dance of the Dead).

The rest, Kristen Bell, Christina Milian and Ian Somerhalder... well, let's just say that they won't get any future work based on the acting they did in this film.

The editing, at this stage, was plain awful. But, let's hope they clean that up a bit before it's released.

This film is perpetuating a frightening trend of making mediocre to bad horror movies for little to no money (budget is $7.5 million), and pulling in some dough from horror fans begging for good movies, only to be ultimately disappointed by the same company that brought us Scream, I Know What You Did Last Summer, Final Destination and a number of other decent horror films, yeah I'm talking to you Dimension!

Long sentence, sorry.

Eli Roth didn't need to re-make a movie to make money. Brad Anderson, same thing. Jeremy Haft. David Gebroe. Rob Zombie. James Wan. Darren Lynn Bousman. Leigh Whannell. And that's just a handful of creators over the past four, five years, who used small budgets and their imaginations to create very cool movies.

Imagine what's out there, waiting to get made for $1 million? Tons of films, and under the right conditions, films that could be really successful. Hell, even at $2-5 million. Who isn't looking forward to Feast? I know I am.

And I won't even start on our recent trend of remaking our own films. Let's just say I warned you when we get the remake of A Clockwork Orange, or Bladerunner, or The Godfather.

What I'm hoping is that reviews like this will get into the heads of some of you out there who are thinking of spending $10.75 to see a BAD movie. Stop it. Stop being just a consumer. Spend your money wisely, and try to get these movie executives to see that the point of movies is the entertain US.

Anyway, I'm trying here. Go out and see the originals. Buy a bootleg version of the film off of eBay. See a screening in Manhattan. Wait for the Asian Film Festivals. But for gods sake. Stay away from American re-makes. They're flooding the industry with hack directors, writers, actors and actresses, and doing a lot of damage to the horror industry to boot.

Thanks, dude.

Scoopy.

Source: JoBlo.com

12 discussions Expand all
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movee_stud
4:21PM on 02/22/2006 Add as a friend | MFC profile
Terrible commentary!
whoah! Joblo what are you thinking letting someone like this post their opinion?! I can't believe the glaring factual errors in his bitchfest! He's a screenwriter and this is how he presents an argument AND encourages bootlegging? He claims it was a given The Ring would make money because Naomi Watts was in it? Hello moron. She was a no name, until The Ring made her. Mulholland Drive was...
whoah! Joblo what are you thinking letting someone like this post their opinion?! I can't believe the glaring factual errors in his bitchfest! He's a screenwriter and this is how he presents an argument AND encourages bootlegging? He claims it was a given The Ring would make money because Naomi Watts was in it? Hello moron. She was a no name, until The Ring made her. Mulholland Drive was not a star making picture for her. He barely discusses the movie, but rather bitches on and on about Asian horror! I'd rather we remake their solid material than our own junk over and over (i.e. Amityville Horror, the Fog, etc..) PLEASE Joblo, i love your site, don't let "good friends" like this post again.
 
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The Heart Collector
9:19PM on 01/29/2006 Add as a friend | MFC profile
wtf.
I stopped reading that review after I read the line about America being the country remaking movies, which is the most nonsensical thing i have read in my life. try to add some sense to what you write before going off on insane statements like that one.
I stopped reading that review after I read the line about America being the country remaking movies, which is the most nonsensical thing i have read in my life. try to add some sense to what you write before going off on insane statements like that one.
 
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lilmofo20
1:57PM on 01/28/2006 Add as a friend | MFC profile
Before you Bash, Get your facts right
I didn't like this review. It was just senseless bashing and gave us no real reasons to see the film or not see the film. He also walked out halfway through which also ruins his credibility. I'd also like to point out that the actors he called no names are actually well known. Christina Millian is an R&B singer and actress, most recently seen in Be Cool with John Travolta. Kristin Bell is on U...
I didn't like this review. It was just senseless bashing and gave us no real reasons to see the film or not see the film. He also walked out halfway through which also ruins his credibility. I'd also like to point out that the actors he called no names are actually well known. Christina Millian is an R&B singer and actress, most recently seen in Be Cool with John Travolta. Kristin Bell is on UPN's critiically acclaimed show Veronica Mars. Her and that show have a huge following and Ian was on the first season of Lost. So before you bash, please get your facts straight sir
 
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dellamorte dellamore
1:01AM on 01/28/2006 Add as a friend | MFC profile
My apologies about the studio plant comment , i wasn't accusing anyone , it just sounded as if he was going out of his way to discourage anyone from seeing it . He may be right , it may blow jose quervo 1800 gold chunks like a sailor on leave in tijuana for the weekend ( don't ask ) , but seriously , wait until you see the whole film in it's proper , completed format before going off like this ...
My apologies about the studio plant comment , i wasn't accusing anyone , it just sounded as if he was going out of his way to discourage anyone from seeing it . He may be right , it may blow jose quervo 1800 gold chunks like a sailor on leave in tijuana for the weekend ( don't ask ) , but seriously , wait until you see the whole film in it's proper , completed format before going off like this remake is the second coming of Prison of the Dead . Thank you for chiming in though , and i'd still like to see it anyway , although i'm not exactly their " target " audience . No matter , i'll always have the original :) .
 
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Atlas1982
5:26PM on 01/27/2006 Add as a friend | MFC profile
Well said, though you didn't give a review
I wasn't going to be seeing this anyways (because it's a remake and because I've revised my viewing patterns). Very good point you make. We are DUMB Americans and until we tell movie execs otherwise they'll keep giving us DUMB SHIT to watch.
I wasn't going to be seeing this anyways (because it's a remake and because I've revised my viewing patterns). Very good point you make. We are DUMB Americans and until we tell movie execs otherwise they'll keep giving us DUMB SHIT to watch.
 
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dellamorte dellamore
11:23AM on 01/27/2006 Add as a friend | MFC profile
Sounds like bashing
Is this guy a plant from a rival studio . Sheesh , the trailer looks excellent , even though i love the original , and i feel its a classic , this remake looks as if it may expand on the themes contained in Kairo , not simply regurgitate the same material . i gave up complaining about remakes , let them do it , and see what they come up with . i'm not going to pay too much mind to someone who s...
Is this guy a plant from a rival studio . Sheesh , the trailer looks excellent , even though i love the original , and i feel its a classic , this remake looks as if it may expand on the themes contained in Kairo , not simply regurgitate the same material . i gave up complaining about remakes , let them do it , and see what they come up with . i'm not going to pay too much mind to someone who saw a screener version , the freakin thing isnt even finished yet you numbskull . it's like those airheads who download a crappy cam copy of a film and say how horrible a film was . it's not finished , give the damn thing a chance already , it looks promising , and i love the whole internet as portal to the shadow world angle , should be creepy and interesting .
 
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Lemmywinks
10:22AM on 01/27/2006 Add as a friend | MFC profile
So how was it
Did this guy even see the movie? I could have wrote that. There is nothing about the actual movie at all. This should have just have been posted in the rant section of the message boards.
Did this guy even see the movie? I could have wrote that. There is nothing about the actual movie at all. This should have just have been posted in the rant section of the message boards.
 
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brentage5000
10:03AM on 01/27/2006 Add as a friend | MFC profile
WHAT THE PUCK?!?!
Lord, someone tell this guy that the point of a review is NOT to bitch and moan about a bunch of little shit just cause you didn't like it, and also you can't really review a movie unless you've seen THE WHOLE THING!!! And for the record, since when are Ian Somerhalder and Kirsten Bell and Christina Milian no-names? Milian has been a singer/performer for a number of years now, and as for Bell a...
Lord, someone tell this guy that the point of a review is NOT to bitch and moan about a bunch of little shit just cause you didn't like it, and also you can't really review a movie unless you've seen THE WHOLE THING!!! And for the record, since when are Ian Somerhalder and Kirsten Bell and Christina Milian no-names? Milian has been a singer/performer for a number of years now, and as for Bell and Ian...have you never heard of "Veronica Mars" or "Lost", two of the biggest most popular and most critically acclaimed shows out there?
 
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milogilmore
8:19AM on 01/27/2006 Add as a friend | MFC profile
that's a review ???
hum....excuse me but how could Joblo even post that ???
i mean the guy says that'it was with utmost pleasure that I walked out of this film halfway'...meaning he didn't even see the whole movie (which is, as he says, a screener, therefore not even finished).
And has the audacity to say the movie's bad...
Plus, as far as the 'bad' acting and the 'no names', well, it's a teen...
hum....excuse me but how could Joblo even post that ???
i mean the guy says that'it was with utmost pleasure that I walked out of this film halfway'...meaning he didn't even see the whole movie (which is, as he says, a screener, therefore not even finished).
And has the audacity to say the movie's bad...
Plus, as far as the 'bad' acting and the 'no names', well, it's a teen horror movie, and the actors in it are pretty popular with that crowd...sorry.
I feel really bad that this is a Joblo Article Post...
 
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BirdMnJr
7:43AM on 01/27/2006 Add as a friend | MFC profile
Since When?
Since when are Kristen Bell, Ian Somerhalder, and Christina Millian no-names? If anything, they are the three whose names people will know. Before you bitch about having no-names, why don't you stick your head inside the pop culture bubble where you will see that those three are actually decent sized stars. I have never even heard the name Rick Gonzalez before this review. Good job...
Since when are Kristen Bell, Ian Somerhalder, and Christina Millian no-names? If anything, they are the three whose names people will know. Before you bitch about having no-names, why don't you stick your head inside the pop culture bubble where you will see that those three are actually decent sized stars. I have never even heard the name Rick Gonzalez before this review. Good job...
 
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Damned Martian
5:57AM on 01/27/2006 Add as a friend | MFC profile
Get the facts straight
"AMERICA IS THE ONLY COUNTRY RE-MAKING MOVIES!"

You forgot about Turkey, India, France, Thailand and many many more, some of which make American remakes look like Oscar contenders. Yes, this can/will be a bad movie, but this review is awfully written and painfully misinformed.
"AMERICA IS THE ONLY COUNTRY RE-MAKING MOVIES!"

You forgot about Turkey, India, France, Thailand and many many more, some of which make American remakes look like Oscar contenders. Yes, this can/will be a bad movie, but this review is awfully written and painfully misinformed.
 
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Booyah Achieved
3:05AM on 01/27/2006 Add as a friend | MFC profile
Umm...
I'm fully open to the idea that this movie will blow, but this guy spent more time talking about all the aspects of film that are hip to dislike. And did i sense a little bitterness/jealousy when he talked about projects that are waiting to be made cheaply after admitting he's a screenwriter himself? I think this review smacks of a lack of credibility. I guess Cronenberg must have been desp...
I'm fully open to the idea that this movie will blow, but this guy spent more time talking about all the aspects of film that are hip to dislike. And did i sense a little bitterness/jealousy when he talked about projects that are waiting to be made cheaply after admitting he's a screenwriter himself? I think this review smacks of a lack of credibility. I guess Cronenberg must have been desperate when he remade the Fly, or Kurosawa when he did the lower depths. And we all know Scorsese was desperate after being nominated for an Oscar. This dude needs to pull his head out of his ass. Some re-makes work extremely well, and I'm sick of people bitching about them as if there's never been a good one. It'd say the ratio to good remakes to bad ones isn't really any different from good to bad originals.