When I fly, I hum "Danger Zone." When I break up drug rings, I do the
" Neutron Dance". When I practice weird science I sing "Weird Science." And when I team up with a quartet of turtles who have been mutated into teenage ninjas, I do the "Ninja Rap." Go, ninja, go, indeed. I discovered a love for movies and the then newly launched MTV as a I grew up in suburban New Jersey. While my love for one of those things would remain strong today, the other?... Not so much.
But I think back to those salad days of the 80s when movies coexisted so beautifully with the evolving art of the music videos and wonder exactly where things went astray. Nary an action movie could exist in the mid-80s without its own rock-inspired "theme" that got a big-budget tie-in music video and airplay on Top 20 radio. These music videos were deemed so important they almost become off-shoots of the movie with similar storylines and celebrity cameos. Now, can you imagine a BATMAN BEGINS music video with Christian Bale
shakin' his groove thing?
While the "movie music video" may be a thing of the past, through the wonder of the internet, I invite you to take a walk with me down memory lane to revisit some of the best (perhaps the top...ten?) of the 1980s. Taking this very seriously, perhaps a bit too much so, I researched the MTV archives to find some of the best the 80s had to offer and graded each on a scale that offered points for the following criteria:
1) Celebrity Cameo Factor - As mentioned above, the celebrity cameo is the most crucial part. Any video can claim to be from a movie and merely rely on editing in some clips from the film, but it takes the commitment of the actor(s) to participate that can really push an otherwise mediocre video into truly memorable status.
2) Cheese Factor - We're not talking the Oscars here people - these are 80s music videos. And what is the one defining factor of an 80s music video? Pure Wisconsin cheese. The cheesier the better.
3) Listening Factor - While sometimes bad music videos are fun to laugh at (um, you're reading this article, aren't you?), bad songs are just BAD. Points awarded for a song that is actually easy on the ears.
4) Availability Online - Since this is an online article, I want nothing but the best for you, the reader. This means being able to present all the videos in this article for you to watch as you read about them. If they're online, they gets points; if not, nyet.
Think you got the drift? Then let's get ramblin' ramblers.
10. Kenny Loggins, "Danger Zone" - TOP GUN
Kenny Loggins could've had at least three entries on this list (along with "Footloose," and "I'm Alright" and "Nobody's Fool" from CADDYSHACKs 1 and 2) but this wasn't the Top Ten Kenny Loggins music videos so I had to whittle his massive library down. Low on the Celebrity Cameo angle, but the end of the day, how can you pass up a clip featuring Kenny Loggins wearing a pair of BluBlockers? Seriously.
9. Huey Lewis and the News, "Power of Love" - BACK TO THE FUTURE
Most of this clip is Huey and the News playing their signature BTFF hit in a smoky club but the intro features a nice cameo from Christopher Lloyd, as Doc Brown, rolling up at said club in the DeLorean and making time with some News groupies. Man that keyboard player's gonna be pissed when he finds out Emmett Brown just ran off with his women.
8. The Beach Boys, "Kokomo" - COCKTAIL
With a video on this list from COCKTAIL you'd think the Beach Boys could've swung a cameo from Tom Cruise or at least Elisabeth Shue or Bryan Brown. But oddly enough in "Kokomo" we get John Stamos playing the conga drums, which rates off-the-fucking-charts on the Cheese Factor.
7. Peter Cetera, "The Glory of Love" - THE KARATE KID II
We just heard about the power of love but now it's time to find out a little bit more about its glory. What hurt this video in the rankings was it's relative lack of starpower, but what gave it extra points were Cetera's earnestness while belting out lyrics with Ralph Macchio waxing on and off on a video screen behind him. Cheesy to the max.
6. The Pointer Sisters, "Neutron Dance" - BEVERLY HILLS COP
"The Neutron Dance" isn't a song that has much to do, on the surface, with BEVERLY HILLS COP but damned if it doesn't go well with the flick. You'll get a lot of clip interspersed in this video but you'll also get Bronson "Balki Bartokomous" Pinchot guesting as a theatre usher giving the Sisters a hard time. You got Balki in your video? You get a spot on this list.
Also, that particular performance of John Stamos/Beach Boys was included in the ending of a FULL HOUSE episode where he and the Boys record together and eventually they 'invite him on stage' to perform.
Also, that particular performance of John Stamos/Beach Boys was included in the ending of a FULL HOUSE episode where he and the Boys record together and eventually they 'invite him on stage' to perform.
I'm not a Beach Boys/John Stamos knowledge buff, but I do know that it is not just cheesy to have John Stamos in their music videos... Do a quick search and you find that over the past 15 years John has been touring w...
I'm not a Beach Boys/John Stamos knowledge buff, but I do know that it is not just cheesy to have John Stamos in their music videos... Do a quick search and you find that over the past 15 years John has been touring with "The Beach Boys." Yes, it is odd, but whatever.
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11:42AM on 04/05/2006