The Ten Spot 2/2

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by: Jim Law May. 10, 2006

Top 10 Unintentionally Gay Moments

All these Brokeback Mountain parodies you see all over the web are hilarious. It seems even the most testosterone filled, ass-kicking, "guy movies" can be turned into a homosexual love-fest with a little editing and a touch of soft music. Some films, however, don't need any help. Long before Jake and Heath made angry man-love the cool thing to do, some of Hollywood's biggest stars were flirting with the idea of switch hitting. Thanks goes out to Scottie for lending his favourite gay moment to the list (#6) and the always inspiring Bill Simmons over at Sports Guy's World for his thoughts on #7, which eventually led to the idea for this column.

BEWARE SPOILERS!

Click here for 10-6

5. Ice Dancing - SLAP SHOT (1977)

"You can't catch me."

One of the most quotable films ever made goes out of it's way to end on a very strange and awkward note. Ned (Michael Ontkean) decides he's through fighting and breaks into a impromptu strip tease at center ice. His antics prove heroic though as the sight of his soiled jock-strap drives the opposing team insane and they eventually get disqualified for punching the referee in the back of the head.

4. Closet Poster - THE LOST BOYS (1987)

"Just don't tell Feldman."

I've talked about this numerous times before and I still don't understand. I can look past the ridiculous shirt and singing in the bubble bath, but why in the hell does Sam (Corey Haim) have that sexy poster of Rob Lowe on his closet door? Some things are scarier than vampires. Thanks to I-Mockery.com for the awesome picture. They feel my pain.

3. 2 0n 2 - TOP GUN (1986)

"Fucking paparazzi!"

The beach volleyball scene in this movie is as gay as it it fake. The five-foot-fuck-all Tom Cruise, oiled from the waist up and spiking the ball while wearing jeans almost makes you forget about Anthony Edwards' moustache. Almost. Unbelievably, things get worse from there.

"That, did not just happen."

2. Getting Stronger - ROCKY III (1982)

"I'm getting all wet."

Wow. I could not stop laughing as I was watching this scene again, years after it pumped my blood in anticipation for the rematch with Clubber Lang (Mr. T). The intense close-up shots on their rippling thigh muscles, Rocky's black half-shirt with matching cloth head band in the gym, those fabulous short shorts. It all adds up to the gayest montage in the history of gay montages.

1. The Fellowship - THE LORD OF THE RINGS TRILOGY (2001-2003)

"He's not wearing a ring anymore."

The incredible lengths Peter Jackson goes to show the bond between this group of beings gets out of control more often than you think. Hours of forbidden undertones are capped off by the spectacular reunion at the end of RETURN OF THE KING. Merry and Pippen join Frodo for a romp in the sack, Sam stares long and hard into the eyes of his companion and Gandalph.... well, I'm not even going to go there.

"Stay down bitch!"

Source: JoBlo

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Rockduded
3:15AM on 05/13/2006 Add as a friend | MFC profile
Dude, how the hell could you have a list like this and not include the pinnacle of gay 80's action, Commando? Just go here to see my point: [link]
Dude, how the hell could you have a list like this and not include the pinnacle of gay 80's action, Commando? Just go here to see my point: [link]
 
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ButchTheBoxer16
1:36AM on 05/11/2006 Add as a friend | MFC profile
YES!
This has been my favorite Top 10 list ever on JoBlo! Hilarious stuff, especially the LOTR pics and caption. If anyone is offended by this list, then you are too uptight and need to remove the stick from your ass.
This has been my favorite Top 10 list ever on JoBlo! Hilarious stuff, especially the LOTR pics and caption. If anyone is offended by this list, then you are too uptight and need to remove the stick from your ass.
 
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JCPhoenix
8:59PM on 05/10/2006 Add as a friend | MFC profile
Great list...totally forgot about the LotR scene but I have to agree with Law's pick for it as #1. Yes, the scene may have taken place in another world where things are [link] is a list of the most unintentionally (underline that word) gay moments in movies...and for the people watching, it certainly was that.

Besides the unin...
Great list...totally forgot about the LotR scene but I have to agree with Law's pick for it as #1. Yes, the scene may have taken place in another world where things are [link] is a list of the most unintentionally (underline that word) gay moments in movies...and for the people watching, it certainly was that.

Besides the unintentionally gay aspect of it though, it seriously made me go WTF when I saw it...it just felt so...out of place. I still think that scene should've been deleted from the final cut.

I don't think anyone is saying the fellowship and their friendship etc was ohsogay, etc cause I think the bond between the nine was quite moving actually and the ending of Return of the King is very very powerful imo - but that scene STILL makes me cringe everytime I see it.
 
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mannnatj
4:32PM on 05/10/2006 Add as a friend | MFC profile
here is a video specifically on that "unintentionally gay" scene in lotr

[link]20lord%20of%20the%20rings
here is a video specifically on that "unintentionally gay" scene in lotr

[link]20lord%20of%20the%20rings
 
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ths0644
3:31PM on 05/10/2006 Add as a friend | MFC profile
GANDALF
Sorry but its GANDALF....o and i gotta say the whole fellowship thing was little gay...so good choice
Sorry but its GANDALF....o and i gotta say the whole fellowship thing was little gay...so good choice
 
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shuichi1985
2:15PM on 05/10/2006 Add as a friend | MFC profile
ugh...disgusting
did HAVE to include tom cruise? the man sued someone for inciting he was gay.

plus he is one scary mofo. i think, that just on morals alone, he should have been left out.

ugh..tom cruise=me vomiting.
did HAVE to include tom cruise? the man sued someone for inciting he was gay.

plus he is one scary mofo. i think, that just on morals alone, he should have been left out.

ugh..tom cruise=me vomiting.
 
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The Funk Drummer
1:20PM on 05/10/2006 Add as a friend | MFC profile
great list.
[link]


I love Lord of the Rings, but c'mon... that's hilarious.
[link]


I love Lord of the Rings, but c'mon... that's hilarious.
 
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jerrylewis
12:41PM on 05/10/2006 Add as a friend | MFC profile
Hit the nail on the head with No.1
When my girl and I came out of the cinema from Return of the King, having not read the book, we both agreed that it was the most gay ending we had ever seen. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
When my girl and I came out of the cinema from Return of the King, having not read the book, we both agreed that it was the most gay ending we had ever seen. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
 
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bart1001
12:15PM on 05/10/2006 Add as a friend | MFC profile
nightmare on elm 2
yeah, kinda expected scenes from a nightmare on elm street part 2 up here. i mean c'mon, real life homosexual (mark patton) in the school shower, his coach being tied up with a jump rope, stripped buck naked, and then basically slashed at from behind in the most pseudo bondage way, and then having our "hero" hold up the freddy claw and scream the most girly scream ever heard on the face of the ...
yeah, kinda expected scenes from a nightmare on elm street part 2 up here. i mean c'mon, real life homosexual (mark patton) in the school shower, his coach being tied up with a jump rope, stripped buck naked, and then basically slashed at from behind in the most pseudo bondage way, and then having our "hero" hold up the freddy claw and scream the most girly scream ever heard on the face of the earth.

and for all you uptight ppl, i have nothing against gays, one of my best friends is. but really, that scene could not be taken seriously at all, moreover serve to be scary.
 
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Mr_Glass6
11:20AM on 05/10/2006 Add as a friend | MFC profile
Not Surprised
I am not surprised at the fact that LOTR was number one. It everything that friendship should be & was at one time, but now isn't.

If you actually give a crap about someone these days that is of the same sex then "you are tottally gay". Bullshit!
I am not surprised at the fact that LOTR was number one. It everything that friendship should be & was at one time, but now isn't.

If you actually give a crap about someone these days that is of the same sex then "you are tottally gay". Bullshit!
 
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pagoda8
11:08AM on 05/10/2006 Add as a friend | MFC profile
Frodo is Sam's Little Bitch
I love how the LOR uber nerds are pulling themselves away from their magic card games to defend their prescious masterpiece. Whatever...there is no way in hell you didn't laugh once throughout those movies at the thought that Sam was going to hog tie Frodo and have his way with him...take it master frodo..take it!!!
I love how the LOR uber nerds are pulling themselves away from their magic card games to defend their prescious masterpiece. Whatever...there is no way in hell you didn't laugh once throughout those movies at the thought that Sam was going to hog tie Frodo and have his way with him...take it master frodo..take it!!!
 
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Digifruitella
10:38AM on 05/10/2006 Add as a friend | MFC profile
Bwhaahahh
Bwhahahah on the last one

'stay down bitch!'

the picture and the caption is perfect combo
Bwhahahah on the last one

'stay down bitch!'

the picture and the caption is perfect combo
 
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Strider
9:47AM on 05/10/2006 Add as a friend | MFC profile
If I may be blunt...
Having "The Lord of the Rings" as the #1 "Most Unintentionally Gay Moment" is complete bullshit. I resent the film's inclusion.

People can laugh and scream out "THAT'S SO GAY!" all they want at the Fellowship, but I will never understand why they do so. For the love of Virgin Mary, it's pure fantasy! It's set in a completely different world, where everything and everyone is diffe...
Having "The Lord of the Rings" as the #1 "Most Unintentionally Gay Moment" is complete bullshit. I resent the film's inclusion.

People can laugh and scream out "THAT'S SO GAY!" all they want at the Fellowship, but I will never understand why they do so. For the love of Virgin Mary, it's pure fantasy! It's set in a completely different world, where everything and everyone is different. I never laughed or mocked the Fellowship because of their unbreakable bond, respect, loyalty, and love for each other. Is there a problem wit that? I don't think so.

Peter Jackson did an absolutely brilliant job at making the viewer not only care for each and every member of the Fellowship, but believe that they were the definition of the word "Fellowship."

You want an unintentionally gay cinematic moment? Check out #7 on this overall decent list, which could have been a solid one, if not for the ludicrous inclusion of "The Lord of the Rings."

Strider
 
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The Arrow
9:31AM on 05/10/2006 Add as a friend | MFC profile
Tail riding
Taking into account that its a Top 10 not a Top 50, the list is pretty dead on with its choices IMO (Totally agree about LOTR). Although Top Gun should've been number 1 in my book. You just can't beat phallic planes and tail riding.

Good call on Rocky 3! I love Sly and the film but that scene always made me chuckle. Not because it came accross as "gay" (to me they were good frien...
Taking into account that its a Top 10 not a Top 50, the list is pretty dead on with its choices IMO (Totally agree about LOTR). Although Top Gun should've been number 1 in my book. You just can't beat phallic planes and tail riding.

Good call on Rocky 3! I love Sly and the film but that scene always made me chuckle. Not because it came accross as "gay" (to me they were good friends who love each other) but because it was sooo tacky.

Good work Mr. Law!
 
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Ratboy
9:16AM on 05/10/2006 Add as a friend | MFC profile
Let's not forget A Nightmare on Elm Street 2... that movie had scenes that could easily fill the whole top ten list.
Let's not forget A Nightmare on Elm Street 2... that movie had scenes that could easily fill the whole top ten list.
 
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Wordslinger
8:53AM on 05/10/2006 Add as a friend | MFC profile
I like the list. Another one I would have liked to see on there is in Reservoir Dogs, when Mr. Blonde and Nice-Guy Eddie are mounting eachother on the floor.
I like the list. Another one I would have liked to see on there is in Reservoir Dogs, when Mr. Blonde and Nice-Guy Eddie are mounting eachother on the floor.
 
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Resurrected
7:42AM on 05/10/2006 Add as a friend | MFC profile
?
How could you leave out that one scene in Swingers where Vince Vaughn has that guy pinned down on the floor?
It totally gayed up the movie...
How could you leave out that one scene in Swingers where Vince Vaughn has that guy pinned down on the floor?
It totally gayed up the movie...
 
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Jedi
6:48AM on 05/10/2006 Add as a friend | MFC profile
I don't think the inclusion of Lord of the Rings make sense. At all.


I don't think the inclusion of Lord of the Rings make sense. At all.


 
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theotherness
4:57AM on 05/10/2006 Add as a friend | MFC profile
I resent the L.o.t.R. Entry
I...can't even begin to defend this movie without bursting into a maelstrom of negative (and rather useless) things to say about the author's (and people in general nowadays) sexual insecurities. I'll just say, it's High Fantasy (yeah, yeah, make a joke out of that if you will...), and it's the exact opposite of how America lives nowadays.

Pig.
I...can't even begin to defend this movie without bursting into a maelstrom of negative (and rather useless) things to say about the author's (and people in general nowadays) sexual insecurities. I'll just say, it's High Fantasy (yeah, yeah, make a joke out of that if you will...), and it's the exact opposite of how America lives nowadays.

Pig.
 
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CyclicNightmare
4:38AM on 05/10/2006 Add as a friend | MFC profile
Top Gun volleyball should have been #1. It's pretty much the gayest thing I've ever seen. And I've seen the film, Service Men Who Service Men.
Top Gun volleyball should have been #1. It's pretty much the gayest thing I've ever seen. And I've seen the film, Service Men Who Service Men.
 
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DunlopolnuD
1:39AM on 05/10/2006 Add as a friend | MFC profile
This is a travesty...
How could you not include the scene from "IT" where the 2 guys are riding the bicycle! I was fully expecting that to be at least top 3, if not take the top spot... but it's not even on here!

I demand a recount.
How could you not include the scene from "IT" where the 2 guys are riding the bicycle! I was fully expecting that to be at least top 3, if not take the top spot... but it's not even on here!

I demand a recount.
 
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Snowboy
1:07AM on 05/10/2006 Add as a friend | MFC profile
ROFL! I didn't even think about the Fellowship of the Ring. That's fucking great.
ROFL! I didn't even think about the Fellowship of the Ring. That's fucking great.
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