Top 10 Unintentionally Gay Moments
All these Brokeback Mountain parodies you see all over the web
are hilarious. It seems even the most testosterone filled, ass-kicking, "guy
movies" can be turned into a homosexual love-fest with a little editing and a
touch of soft music. Some films, however, don't need any help. Long before Jake
and Heath made angry man-love the cool thing to do, some of Hollywood's biggest
stars were flirting with the idea of switch hitting. Thanks goes out to Scottie
for lending his favourite gay moment to the list (#6) and the always inspiring
Bill Simmons over at
Sports Guy's World
for his thoughts on #7, which eventually led to the idea for this column.
BEWARE SPOILERS!
Click here
for 10-6
5. Ice
Dancing - SLAP SHOT (1977)
"You can't catch
me."
One of the most quotable films ever made goes out of it's way to
end on a very strange and awkward note. Ned (Michael Ontkean) decides he's
through fighting and breaks into a impromptu strip tease at center ice. His
antics prove heroic though as the sight of his soiled jock-strap drives the
opposing team insane and they eventually get disqualified for punching the
referee in the back of the head.
4. Closet
Poster - THE LOST BOYS (1987)
"Just don't tell
Feldman."
I've talked about this numerous times before and I still don't
understand. I can look past the ridiculous shirt and singing in the bubble bath,
but why in the hell does Sam (Corey Haim) have that sexy poster of Rob Lowe on
his closet door? Some things are scarier than vampires. Thanks to
I-Mockery.com for the awesome picture.
They feel my pain.
3. 2 0n 2
- TOP GUN (1986)
"Fucking
paparazzi!"
The beach volleyball scene in this movie is as gay as it it
fake. The five-foot-fuck-all Tom Cruise, oiled from the waist up and spiking the
ball while wearing jeans almost makes you forget about Anthony Edwards'
moustache. Almost. Unbelievably, things get worse from there.
"That, did not just
happen."
2.
Getting Stronger - ROCKY III (1982)
"I'm getting all
wet."
Wow. I could not stop laughing as I was watching this scene
again, years after it pumped my blood in anticipation for the rematch with
Clubber Lang (Mr. T). The intense close-up shots on their rippling thigh
muscles, Rocky's black half-shirt with matching cloth head band in the gym,
those fabulous short shorts. It all adds up to the gayest montage in the history
of gay montages.
1. The
Fellowship - THE LORD OF THE RINGS TRILOGY (2001-2003)
"He's not wearing a
ring anymore."
The incredible lengths Peter Jackson goes to show the bond
between this group of beings gets out of control more often than you think.
Hours of forbidden undertones are capped off by the spectacular reunion at the
end of RETURN OF THE KING. Merry and Pippen join Frodo for a romp in the sack,
Sam stares long and hard into the eyes of his companion and Gandalph.... well,
I'm not even going to go there.
"Stay down bitch!"
PREVIOUSLY:
The 12 Coolest Movie Vampires
10 Awkward Movie Blow-Jobs
10 Costume Suggestions
10 Fictional Towns I'd Like To Move To
10 Reasons I Never Pick Up Hitchhikers
12 Great Moments in Unorganized Sports
My 10 Favorite Elevator Scenes
10 Fun-Filled Prison Riots
Hotties vs. Geeks II
10 Awesome Ex-Cops
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3:15AM on 05/13/2006