12 Great Moments in Unorganized Sports
Everybody has their favorite sports moments in film. Whether it be Jimmy Chitwood hitting the game winner in HOOSIERS, THE NATURAL rounding the bases in an electrical storm, or Balboa knocking the Russian to the mat. What we don't talk about a lot is the moments that don't show up in the box scores. Little moments where legends are born, performances are clutch, and retarded people are made fun of. No refs, barely any rules, and plenty of shit-talking.
BEWARE SPOILERS!!
Honorable Mention: "Now you're all in big-big trouble." - BILLY MADISON (1995)
Would have been higher but I've always been disappointed with the lack of physical pain caused to the children. Billy could have really whooped some ass here but settled for puny body shots. I wanted to see little girls go airborne from a shot to the face. Maybe O'Doyle loses an arm or something. Anything.
12. "We're kicking their asses!" - THE SUPER (1991)
How awesome is it to watch Joe Pesci (who's just a little bit taller than the ball) hoop it up with some giant black men. As he's getting set up for a scam we get to see him drop some no-look dimes, pull from twenty feet and knock it down, and dunk. Worth the five thousand times I watched this movie when it came to home video.
11. "That's the only basket you're getting the whole game." - HE GOT GAME (1998)
I love this scene because it's completely real. Denzel really scores the first point of the game on an NBA all-star. Then he really gets his ass handed to him for the remainder of the night. Give the dude a break though, he's carrying around an extra pound of lojack around his ankle and at least five extra pounds of 'fro on his dome.
10. "Let's go!" - TOP GUN (1986)
I was twelve when this movie came out and thought this scene was the most awesomest scene ever. As I got older I would get a little uncomfortable whenever I watched it. Now I truly know it for what it is - homoerotic softcore porn. And oddly enough, I love it again!
9. "Exceptional, my ass." - THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY (1998)
I wish this scene could have gone on for half an hour. Watching Healy straight-arm his way through the faces of disabled people and taunting them afterward makes me laugh way too much. I apologize.
8. "You play ball like a girl!" - THE SANDLOT (1993)
Don't come with your fancy ball uniforms, riding your shiny new bikes onto the sandlot. You will get your balls kicked around the bases by a bunch of loser kids with more street-cred than your average pimp. And Ham will talk naked shit about your sister as you strike out, again.
7. "And Cleveland wins the pennant!" - BACHELOR PARTY (1984)
It's amazing how hilarious Tom Hanks is in this two minute little clip. The way he bounces around the court. How he dives against the padding in the background for a shot ten feet in front of him. And his swing is flawless when he hits his home runs over the fence. The way he drops the bat (racquet) gets me every time. There's no telling how many times I've done this because of this scene.
6. "I'm not that good, guys." - SOUL MAN (1986)
I know there's a referee in this basketball game but I'm going to ignore him. Nothing about this run is organized, especially when Watson (C. Thomas Howell) has the ball. Trying to mimic the only other black guy on the court, we get treated to a hook-shot that ends up in the rafters, dribbling the ball into his own sack, and stuffing the rock between the rim and the backboard. All this after the two coaches literally fought for him because he was fake-black.
5. "A thousand bucks you miss that putt." - CADDYSHACK (1980)
A normal round of golf turns ugly when Czervik (Rodney Dangerfield) strolls over to Judge Smails' (Ted Knight) green and drops the above wager on his shot. Smails misses and ends up throwing his putter into the face of an unsuspecting old bag having tea. This is golf at it's finest.
4. "This is Jeopardy!" - WHITE MEN CAN'T JUMP (1992)
I could have picked a ton of moments from this film but the one that stands out to me the most is when Billy (Woody Harrelson) has one shot, from 50 feet away, to get his honey on Jeopardy. Shot. Swish. Alex Trebek.
3. "Raindrop!" - ALONG CAME POLLY (2004)
I had to watched this scene 12 times in a row the first time I saw this film. The tears and projectile liquid shooting from my nostrils kept blurring the screen. Watching Philip Seymour Hoffman play basketball might be as funny as anything I've ever seen in film. I want 3-4 hours more of this scene.
2. "We're playin' prison rules, huh?" - THE CABLE GUY (1996)
From the moment Jim Carrey starts doing some pre-game solo suicide sprints, you knew we were in for something special. Throw in Matthew Broderick's dribbling skills and Jack Black getting used as a step ladder as Cable Guy shatters the glass and you've got yourself the best pick-up game ever.
1. "F-Train, son. F-Train." - LOCK UP (1989)
Might not be as popular as most but I've always loved this scene. After finally having enough of watching Sly's offensive line taking flops, Eclipse (Frank McRae) takes matters into his own (gigantic) hands. Some of the most bone-crushing blocks you'll ever see and a touchdown run that rivals any football movie ever made. Nobody looks out of place, in prison or on the field.
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The 12 Coolest Movie Vampires
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Hotties vs. Geeks II
10 Awesome Ex-Cops
10 Awesome Movie Pool Parties
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9:10AM on 09/19/2009