I'm going to try and cover as many movie-related
bits from this year's CANNES FILM FESTIVAL for the JOBLO.COM
DOES CANNES column, but the truth is that I've been given press
accreditation, but apparently it comes in "different
colors" and I somehow don't think that my color is "all
that". All that to say, I'm gonna do my best to see all the
cool films that I can and give you guys the scoops, but I'm also
gonna try to turn this puppy into a "vacation" of sorts
for myself, so if interested in that sort of shit, check out my CANNES
JOURNALS from time to time.
For today however, let's start off with a major
photo gallery of the CANNES Croisette (which is basically the main
strip along the beach in Cannes, which leads to the Palais des
Festivals, which is the big-ass building in which all of the action
goes down-- i.e. the stars walk up the red carpetway and wave at the
ogglers, the paparazzi and the guys holding up signs that say
"Hollywood blows ass"). There are actually quite a few
groovy new bits in here as well, including the first look at the
EDISON poster, which features Morgan Freeman standing next to Justin
Timberlake and not laughing! Actually, what makes the poster
even funnier is the fact that it looks like a one-sheet for an NYPD
BLUE movie, but it also stars LL COOL J and that gay actor guy.
Anyway, check it out below, along with some other neat stuff,
including my obsession with hot chicks, Nicole Kidman and the letter
"M".
PS: The good news is that there are hardly any
pictures of my ugly mug on this trip (I'm flying solo on this
one...sniff, sniff, I miss the Arrow's drunken rants) save for a
couple that I tried to take of myself. Yes, it's quite pathetic, but
I need to prove that I exist...to myself, more than anyone. Anyhoo...CANNES
you dig it!??! (yeah, I went there)
Where hopes, dreams and hymens are shattered.
This is your brain on the Croisette. Any questions?
The famous Carlton hotel in the middle of all the action. This is
the hotel that's usually draped in movie paraphernalia, as seen in
the pics below.
THE INCREDIBLES looks like a damn fine motion picture adventure.
I'm looking very forward to seeing this Pixar flick.
I have no idea what this is, but somehow I think someone will...and
care!
Somebody please explain what Lindsay Lohan, her massive teen breasts
and this "tween flick" are doing in Cannes?
This is a perfect example of why I think the French care more about
a filmmaker as an "auteur" rather than a person who makes
films, which could sometimes suck. What the f*ck is THE LADYKILLERS
doing at the Festival, man? I know it's the Coens and they rock, but
this type of movie should NOT be taking the place of some up and
coming filmmaker who's actually testing his boundaries. Thumbs way
down.
Nicole Kidman with an erect finger up to her mouth. I = there.
Is that a bird? Is that a plane? Nope, it's a SPIDER-MAN 2 banner
hanging above a ton of TROY banners. Wow, I wonder who had to put
those up there and how much they got paid. Looks high.
This poster kinda looks like the credits at the beginning of David
Fincher's PANIC ROOM. There's some strange kind of 3D thing
happening.
This one's for the Arrow. Van Damme Schlock.
This one's for Mickey Rourke. I mean, Van Damme. I mean, oh my holy
God in Heaven's....what the f*ck is that?!!?
Why these two aren't the hottest and most-spoken-about couple in the
history of the world is beyond me. I'm still not sure who I'd rather
marry, but Monica Bellucci is one attractive woman...that much, I do
know.
Nicole's not around this year, but she's here in spirit. And by
"spirit", I mean "my pants".
Easily one of the best ideas for a movie ever. Salma Hayek +
Penelope Cruz = Bandidas. Wow. Tagline: Definitely Wanted.
Brilliant. Poster. Easily one of the biggest yawners I've ever seen.
Someone fire someone over this. These hot chicks need to be seen!
Don't turn this into a Latin version of THELMA & LOUISE
(although that was a brilliant flick in its own right...and kinda
lesbian-y, no?) Good shite!
You put "Kubrick" in the title of a movie and I'm there.
Oddly enough, you put "Statham" in the title of a movie
and I'm also there! Especially if the title of that movie has got
the word TRANSPORTER and the word "2" in it as well.
Forget the poster and the lame actors and concentrate rather
on the loser taking the picture inside the poster....can you
see him....look closer...yeah, there you go!! It's like one of those
mind/eye trick paintings from the mall.
I liked this film the first time when it was called 40 DAYS, 40
NIGHTS. Then again, Radha Mitchell was damn hot in MAN ON FIRE.
This poster reminds me of this other poster, but I just can't
remember the name of it right now. Oh, oh...it's at the tip of my
tongue. Oh yeah, now I remember: EVERY OTHER MOVIE POSTER EVER MADE!
Yawn. You did it again, Brits...you played with his heart and you
lost him again.
This is just a close-up of the previous poster, but it's even
creepier up close. Check out Kevin Spacey's toup, man. It's almost
as see-through as his continued denial of his own sexuality. Wow.
And speaking of "gay"...bah, there are way too many
"easy "jokes with this poster, enjoy!
The last time Al Pacino starred in a James Foley movie, it was
called GLENGARRY GLEN ROSS. I'm there.
Damn! In real life, you actually got to see some "nip" on
this see-through ad. Maybe if you click the picture to enlarge.
Sorry guys, I'm trying.
CLICK
HERE TO VISIT PHOTO GALLERY #2
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