C'mon Hollywood #15

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Strike Back below!
by: Indiana Sev Aug. 27, 2004

...find a substitute for "555" already!
by Indiana Sev

Don’t you hate it when one minor overlooked detail in a movie ruins the entire thing for you? Sometimes it’s the use of a song in a time period where the song hadn’t been out yet. Other times, it’s the goddamn boom mike getting in the shot. And sometimes it’s just having Chevy Chase in the movie (post-SPIES LIKE US). But what usually tends to do it for me, is when a character begins a telephone number by 555 - ****. Even if I’m completely engrossed in the movie by that point, hearing those three numbers will immediately bring to my attention to the fact that everything that’s happening before me is fake - a complete sham! It is NOT the real world, I’m just watching moving pictures and even if everything before that number and after it is 100% genuine, I can never really forget or deny that I heard the person say it. It happens that suddenly – MOVIE SPOILED!!

Now we all know how this came about. Since the phone companies don’t have any telephone numbers that begin with those three digits, Hollywood thought it best to always use 555 and avoid being sued by some lawsuit-happy asshole that might be fortunate enough to also have the same phone # as a phony one made up for a movie. And so we’re stuck in a real pickle, aren’t we?

Not necessarily. There are ways around this and I’ve come up with 2 bulletproof solutions.

  1. Screenwriters should avoid having phone numbers said aloud by the characters in their screenplays. If possible have the character either hand the number to the person or be interrupted mid-speech while saying the phone number. Just make sure it looks natural or I’ll notice it and the movie will be spoiled again. Another answer to this problem is having the person mumble it. Just use your imaginations and you’ll figure something out. This is especially important in dramas; it doesn’t bother me as much if a “555” is uttered in a silly teen comedy, but I don’t want my gut-wrenching Vietnam epic ruined by some prick saying to his platoon leader: “Yeah, call me when you get stateside, my number is 555-4567.”
  1. In 1982, a San Franciscan rock group named Tommy Tutone had a top 5 hit called 867-5309/Jenny. Use that! They’ve probably been sued already (and settled) and they’re the only ones responsible for that number since it was already made public 22 years ago. And if that’s too recognizable and you want a choice of two phone numbers to use, then you can always use London-based Squeeze’s top 40 hit from 1988 – 853-5937.

That should be enough to tide you over until a better resolution comes along. If all else fails, just look for a hit single that includes a phone number and you’ll be on easy street. And don’t try to pull that "KL5" bullshit on us anymore either; we’re wise to that ruse as well, you sly devils…

PREVIOUSLY:
...gimme less Murphy and more Sly! (August 25, 2004)
...gimme the Wonder Years on DVD! (August 20, 2004)
...gimme a one-on-one with Elisha! (August 18, 2004)
...more hockey movies, dammit! (August 13, 2004)
...put a fork in Chan, he's done! (August 11, 2004)
...where the f*ck is Chris Tucker? (August 5, 2004)
...gimme Leah Remini on the big screen! (August 3, 2004)
...I found your new bad boy! (July 20, 2004)
...check out the Trailer Park Boys! (July 16, 2004)
...gimme an Archie movie! (July 8, 2004)
...gimme more Hollywood bad boys! (July 2, 2004)
...gimme more money shots! (June 30, 2004)
...gimme dead dogs on film! (June 25, 2004)
...gimme more Timothy Hutton! (June 23, 2004)

Source: JoBlo.com