...find a substitute for
"555" already!
by Indiana
Sev
Don’t you hate it when one minor overlooked detail in a
movie ruins the entire thing for you? Sometimes it’s the use of
a song in a time period where the song hadn’t been out yet. Other times, it’s the goddamn boom mike
getting in the shot. And sometimes it’s just having Chevy Chase
in the movie (post-SPIES LIKE US). But what usually tends to do it
for me, is when a character begins a telephone number by 555 -
****. Even if I’m completely engrossed in the movie by that
point, hearing those three numbers will immediately bring to my
attention to the fact that everything that’s happening before me
is fake - a complete sham! It is NOT the real world, I’m just
watching moving pictures and even if everything before that number
and after it is 100% genuine, I can never really forget or deny
that I heard the person say it. It happens that suddenly – MOVIE
SPOILED!!
Now we all know how this came about. Since the phone
companies don’t have any telephone numbers that begin with those
three digits, Hollywood thought it best to always use 555 and
avoid being sued by some lawsuit-happy asshole that might be
fortunate enough to also have the same phone # as a phony one made
up for a movie. And so
we’re stuck in a real pickle, aren’t we?
Not necessarily. There are ways around this and I’ve come
up with 2 bulletproof solutions.
Screenwriters
should avoid having phone numbers said aloud by the
characters in their screenplays. If possible have the
character either hand the number to the person or be
interrupted mid-speech while saying the phone number. Just
make sure it looks natural or I’ll notice it and the movie
will be spoiled again. Another answer to this problem is
having the person mumble it. Just use your imaginations and
you’ll figure something out. This is especially important in
dramas; it doesn’t bother me as much if a “555” is
uttered in a silly teen comedy, but I don’t want my
gut-wrenching Vietnam epic ruined by some prick saying to his
platoon leader: “Yeah, call me when you get stateside, my
number is 555-4567.”
- In
1982, a San Franciscan rock group named Tommy Tutone
had a top 5 hit called 867-5309/Jenny. Use that!
They’ve probably been sued already (and settled) and
they’re the only ones responsible for that number since it
was already made public 22 years ago. And if that’s too
recognizable and you want a choice of two phone numbers to
use, then you can always use London-based Squeeze’s
top 40 hit from 1988 – 853-5937.
That should be enough to tide you over until a better
resolution comes along. If all else fails, just look for a hit
single that includes a phone number and you’ll be on easy
street. And don’t try to pull that "KL5" bullshit on
us anymore either; we’re wise to that ruse as well, you sly
devils…
PREVIOUSLY:
...gimme
less Murphy and more Sly! (August 25, 2004)
...gimme
the Wonder Years on DVD! (August 20, 2004)
...gimme
a one-on-one with Elisha! (August 18, 2004)
...more
hockey movies, dammit! (August 13, 2004)
...put
a fork in Chan, he's done! (August 11, 2004)
...where
the f*ck is Chris Tucker? (August 5, 2004)
...gimme
Leah Remini on the big screen! (August 3, 2004)
...I
found your new bad boy! (July 20, 2004)
...check
out the Trailer Park Boys! (July 16, 2004)
...gimme
an Archie movie! (July 8, 2004)
...gimme
more Hollywood bad boys! (July 2, 2004)
...gimme
more money shots! (June 30, 2004)
...gimme
dead dogs on film! (June 25, 2004)
...gimme
more Timothy Hutton! (June 23, 2004)
PREVIOUSLY:
Stop with the shitty spoof movies!
WTF Moments
Is 3D a gimmick?
Know a good script!
Don't screw up Green Lantern!
More R-rated horror!
No more comic reboots!
We're done with Megan Fox!
Bring back martial arts!
The Expendables vs. Machete
C'mon Hollywood... archives here
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