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2006 Wrap-Up! (1/2)

01.02.2007

Let’s face it – all this End of the Year Wrap-Up can be a bit tedious. I mean who cares what the nebulous National Board of Review thinks are the ten best movies of the year? At the risk of sounding Seinfeldian, who are these people? And why should I, or any of you, pop a rod over what their pick for the sixth-best movie of the year is? I submit that we should not.

At the same time, it is always fun to look back at the year past and all the things you loved, hated and completely forgot about. I mean I completely forgot that AMERICAN DREAMZ even existed. 2006, if nothing else, was a year just like every other year. We can pretend it was different and unique but really it was a lot of the same, just regifted in a shiny, new package. Snakes were on planes, Jack Nicholson wore a strap-on, BORAT made more than MIAMI VICE and POSEIDON…combined. Up was down, down was up and Lindsay Lohan went down.

Like every other year, there were good things, there were bad things and then there were things like Britney Spears showing off her haynannynanny to the world, which defy description. Below we at JoBlo.com try to make sense of 2006 without making ourselves crazy in the process.

BEST NUDE SCENE:

Salma Hayek (ASK THE DUST) – C’mon, did you think it would be something different?! This is JoBlo.com! Any time Salma Hayek does full-frontal – no matter how grainy and dark the video is – it wins an award.

Runner-Up: BORAT – When I saw this scene for the first time, it was all I could do to keep from wetting myself. Hands down the funniest thing I’ve seen all year.

BEST TRAILER:

LITTLE CHILDREN – Entertainment Weekly put it best when they said this trailer could probably win an award for Best Short Film it’s so good.

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT:

SUPERMAN RETURNS – Bryan Singer directed what I consider to be one of the best superhero films of the modern era in X2, but this was a disaster. I never walk out of or fall asleep during a movie but I almost did both during SUPERMAN.

BIGGEST SURPRISE:

THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA – Coincidentally the movie that opened opposite our Biggest Disappointment. DEVIL could’ve been the movie guys dreaded getting dragged to this summer in a bit of devilish (no pun intended) tit-for-tat for taking your girlfriend to X-MEN: THE LAST STAND. Instead it was actually a funny, charming and entertaining movie.

ONE PERSON I WANT MORE OF:

Amy Adams (TALLADEGA NIGHTS) – She was fabulous in her Oscar nominated performance in JUNEBUG but it was her fiery monologue towards the end of TALLADEGA that had me looking for more.

ONE PERSON I WANT LESS OF:

Dane Cook (EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH) - Please go away soon.

BEST POSTERS:

I couldn’t pick just one but ZODIAC, THE PRESTIGE, THE DESCENT, THE FOUNTAIN and BLACK SNAKE MOAN (although the film itself comes out in 2007) all had great campaigns in 2006 (in the interest of full disclosure, JoBlo.com was quoted on the DESCENT poster). By far the worst was the X-MEN: THE LAST STAND teasers that had the cast looking like the cast of RENT with Beast washed out in pink.

LIVED UP TO THE HYPE:

BORAT – It’s the movie everyone likely told you was the funniest thing ever and nothing ruins a funny movie more than someone telling you how funny it is and ruining all the good jokes. But then you saw it and damn, it really was the funniest thing ever.

DIDN’T LIVE UP TO THE HYPE:

SNAKES ON A PLANE – Chuck Klosterman said it best when he said, “It's not a bad movie that's accidentally good, and it's not a good movie that's intentionally bad; it's a disposable movie that people can pretend to like ironically, even though a) it's not ironic and b) they probably won't like it at all.” But it was certainly fun while it lasted…

MOST RIDICULOUS CRITIC QUOTE OF THE YEAR:

Earl Dittman (PULSE) – “A terrifying, bone-chilling, horror masterpiece. Scariest movie of the year! It will feed your fear of technology! Unlike any horror film you’ve seen before or will ever see!” Of course Dittman wins by going into the future and witnessing first-hand the future of horror films.

Runner-up: Larry King (THE GOOD SHEPHERD) – “The best spy movie ever.” EVER.

MOST UNDESERVING FAILURE:

THE FOUNTAIN – Were I to do an official Top 10 list, I’d sure as hell put THE FOUNTAIN on that list. I knew it’s commercial prospects were weak but I never expected boos from the Venice Film Festival and some of the brutal reviews stateside.

MOST UNDESERVING SUCCESS:

RV – This made $71 million?! Who paid money for this?

MOST WELCOME SEQUEL:

ROCKY BALBOA - It wasn't a great movie - heck, it wasn't even a good movie...HECK, it pretty much was the same movie as ROCKY! But we still dug it and the return of Sly to the big screen.

MOST UNWELCOME SEQUEL:

TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: THE BEGINNING and BASIC INSTINCT 2 - A supposed origin that showed us nothing and a follow-up that showed us too much. Here are two Hollywood killers I hope hang up the meat hook and ice pick, respectively.

FUNNIEST YOUTUBE CLIP:

THE BIG LEBOWSKI (F*cking Short Version)

Stay tuned for Part 2 of the 2006 retrospective: The Year in Photos!!
&
THE GOLDEN SCHMOES...WHEN YOU WILL GET TO VOTE FOR YOUR FAVES!!

Source: JoBlo.com

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