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Keanu gets married!


We're not big fans of "gossip" news on this site (in fact, we never cover it), but this story was just too big to ignore. Who knows what sorts of waves this will cause through the Hollywood community. Weird stuff. I've pasted the entire article below:

Keanu Reeves and Alan Cumming get married
Wednesday March 31,11:59 PM ET

MASSACHUSETTS (Providence Journal) - First Rosie, now Keanu! Only days before the Massachusetts legislature was set to vote on the banning of gay marriages in their state, actors Keanu Reeves and Alan Cumming, raced over there to marry one another before a small party of invited friends. Reeves, star of such films as "The Matrix", "Something's Gotta Give" and "Point Break" had always been rumored to be gay, but always maintained his heterosexuality. Cumming, star of such films as "Spy Kids" and "X-Men 2" had always been openly bi-sexual, but had never married before. The duo, who had apparently been "secretly dating on-and-off" for over four years, wrote their own vows and recited them while Melissa Etheridge softly hummed "Come Through my Window" in the background.

The state of Massachusetts was getting set to amend the state constitution to ban gay marriage but establish civil unions for same-sex couples, which is one of the reasons the long-time companions decided to speed up the process and marry right now. Ex-talk show host Rosie O'Donnell married her six-year companion Kelli Carpenter in a similar high-profile celebrity gay wedding in San Francisco on February 27th. Reeves said that this was the "happiest day of his life, both professionally and personally". The couple, who held hands and french-kissed openly in a press conference after the civil ceremony, were happy to get it all out in the open, "I wanted to come out when The Matrix hit big, but my agents told me that it would be career suicide. I'm glad that I can finally tell the world that I am gay and proud today. Thanks to The Matrix Revolutions!"

Reeves and Cumming flew from Los Angeles to Auburn, Massachusetts yesterday afternoon, for a 4 p.m. appointment at the Auburn City Hall to obtain a marriage license. Immediately after the license was issued, the marriage ceremony was performed by City Treasurer K.D. Grant. The ceremony was held behind closed doors in a Mayor Gavin McCleod's office. "It was one of the most beautiful things that I have ever witnessed", said McCleod, "Keanu looked as though he was on cloud nine, while Cumming was in tears the whole way through. He was definitely the more 'queen' of the two". The wedding, a first for either actor, lasted only a few minutes, but featured plenty of bouquets and show tunes.

Cumming, elated by the whole affair, couldn't help but let his joy be known to the world at the jam-packed press conference, "I love Keanu Reeves and I don't care who knows! I am a man and I love another man and I am proud of it. Tom...come out already, you jerk!" Cumming's last remark apparently aimed at actor Tom Cruise, a celebrity who has been dogged by "gay rumors" since he hit it big, despite being married twice (to women), having children with one of them and dating plenty of women over the years. Reeves, embarrassed by Cumming remark, followed that up with a crude note about his partner's surname, "Forget Tom, Alan...I'm going to be Cumming with you tonight!" The crowd, made up of a variety of cross-dressers, transvestites, lesbians and business men in suits, squealed throughout most of the flashy affair.

Gerry Adelstein, founder of the "Gay Men for America" Organization took the opportunity to re-integrate their agenda, "If we can put a man on the moon, why can't one man tell another man that he loves him without the government getting involved?" Adelstein, also known for dating actor Corey Feldman (who is, surprisingly, not gay himself), also had some harsh words for those people who are opposed to the legislation, "We are proud to be gay and free in this society and other than Richard Simmons, proud of every single of one of our man-loving brothers".

After the ceremony, Keanu had a few beers with local gay men at a tavern called "The Back Door" and even took the opportunity to come clean about a number of other things, "I have no idea what the Matrix sequels were about either, but I was gay and happy during those years, and didn't really care. The rumor about me marrying David Geffen was actually false, but I did give him a handjob once, at the back of a Denny's restaurant parking lot. It was more of a fling. Also, I'm not going to "out" anybody myself, but needless to say there is one other member of our 'Speed' cast that is about as gay as a French horn, and I'm not talking about Dennis Hopper! Sandy, you butch, come clean already!"

The ramifications of this major Hollywood "outing" and marriage was already sending shockwaves through the industry. Jack Nicholson noted how he thought Reeves was always acting a little "fruity" on the set of their last film together "Something's Gotta Give", but didn't pay it much attention because he was too busy "putting the nail to Peet". Barbra Streisand, long-time proponent of gay marriages, was elated by the news and couldn't help but wish her confreres a joyous life together, "While this most certainly will not help Keanu's limited acting abilities, the fact that he sleeps next to another man every night, makes me proud to be ugly and American." Streisand, who lost most of her talent back in the early 60s, followed that up with a Yiddish salute, "Mazeltov, gay men...mazeltov!"

No word on how the marriage will affect Reeves' next film, "Constantine", in which he plays an irreverent supernatural detective, but early word is that he will likely be playing him a little more "effeminate" because he understands how most audiences will not be able to deal with the "whole gay thing". "Joe Blow in bumf*ck, Arkansas isn't going to see past the fact that I am a man-lover when he sees me on the big screen from now on, so why bother hiding it. Leonardo DiCaprio has been swinging his dick that way for years, and it doesn't seem to have slowed down his career. Scorsese calls him all the time, all I ever get is Jan De-f*ckin Bont."

Reeves also wanted to thank the "Internet" for helping him face his biggest fears. "I remember reading a story on JoBlo.com a year or so ago about how much my last two movies sucked, and wanted to email the owner of the site to tell him how much he sucked as well, but then I realized that it was all a big joke, just like his site, his haircut and this story. That's the day that I decided to let the world know that I enjoyed hugging other men."

Berge Garabedian, owner of said property, wasn't available for comment, but did offer a press statement which read simply: "I always knew that he was gay...not that there's anything wrong with that." 


Ironically, we ran a similar story on the SAME DATE last year. You can read that one right here or the other similar story from the SAME DATE the year before, right here. Weird, eh? ;)

Tags: Hollywood



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