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Stern visits Porky's

04.20.2004

With characters such as Pee Wee, Meat, Ms. Balbricker, Lassie, and Porky, Bob Clarke's original 1982 sex-romp PORKY'S is easily one of my favorite comedies of all time. Howard Stern is going to do his best at ruining that. The self proclaimed media king has hired Craig Moss and Steve Schoenburg (who have the combined credentials of the Star Wars Kid) to write an update of the film about a group of Angel Beach teenagers, boobs, and ultimate revenge. The original was my own personal sexual education film. I learned about the morning woody, giant condoms, how girls look in the shower, gang bangs, sex on a school bus, and to never stick your penis in a hole in the wall. That last one has saved me quite a few times. I'll give credit to Stern for his only other major film involvement in PRIVATE PARTS, a surprisingly enjoyable ride with help from Jenna Jameson and the kielbasa lady, but find it hard to believe he'll improve this story. Especially with the censors making him public enemy number one. Expect more AMERICAN PIE than PORKY'S.

Tags: Hollywood

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