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Movie Jail: This week's defendant is...Val Kilmer!

Aug. 6, 2012by: Johnny Moreno

Welcome to Movie Jail, a facility like any other, only its inmates are Hollywood writers, directors, actors and producers. This column will serve as a Movie Jail trial. We will put one defendant on trial; lay out arguments for the Prosecution and Defense. And we leave it up to YOU, the reader, to decide whether the defendant is guilty of his or her crime. What crime? The crime of consistently being a stinking shithouse.

The Defendant


Val Kilmer

The Case

The Prosecution: Every straight to DVD movie since 2006.*

Ladies and gentleman of the jury, let's look at who we're dealing with here.

Exactly. What in holy hell is actually sitting there? Yeah, we remember when you were Batman. And when you were Doc Holiday and Jim Morrison, but what has the man with the shitty elbow actually given us in the past few years? A whole lot of straight to DVD drivel that makes fat Steven Seagal look like Daniel Day Lewis. In 2012 alone, the man has eight goddamn movies to be released, two starring straight to DVD veteran and hottie Gina Gershon. And only one out of eight looks to be worth anything even remotely rentable or downloadable. I mean, for Christsake, he's co-headlined movies with 50 Cent and future Movie Jail defendant Cuba Gooding Jr.. We don't know what kind of legacy Mr. Weird Elbow has to protect at this point, or even if it's worth protecting, so it only stands to reason that he be convicted of all charges and tossed into Movie Jail where he belongs.

The Defense: Tombstone, Top Secret!, Real Genius, MacGruber, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, The Doors, Heat, Top Gun, *

Ladies and Gentleman of the jury, the defense simply can't defend the above "Hey Guys..." Batman picture. If a guy wants a burger with fourteen Miller Lites, that's his gosh darn business (sorry for the salty language). But honestly, the guy is making a living as a working actor. And let's not forget, the man started off his career with a bang. Top Secret!, Real Genius, Top Gun, Willow and The Doors. Also the jury should note that the time span between Mr. Kilmer's first movie (Top Secret! 1984) and the movie that put him on the map (The Doors1991) is seven years. Seven long years in which he did about a movie a year, and two of those were TV movies. After his turn as the Lizard King, he had hits with Tombstone, Heat and Batman Forever (not loved but still a hit). Sure, he's got more STDs than a Kardashian's lipstick (allegedly), but for what they are, some of the flicks aren't half bad. Not to mention his hilarious role in MacGruber, and his solid performances in both Bad Lietuenant: Port of Call New Orleans and Kill the Irishman. So, if you're gonna crucify a guy over a good work ethic, then I guess you hate someone else that has a good work ethic too: The Jesus.

IN CLOSING...

So, whatís to be done with Mr. Val Kilmer? Do we accept mediocrity in this courtroom? Can we forgive mediocrity? Are Mr. Kilmer's crimes really all that bad? And the most important question to be asked, once all evidence is taken into consideration, we ask you The Jury, is Val Kilmer GUILTY or NOT GUILTY? Letís hear YOUR arguments, either side, by STRIKING BACK BELOW.

*The court recognizes that all movies are subjective, so relax.

WHAT SAY YOU, GUILTY OR NOT?


LAST WEEK'S VERDICT

It is the jury's decision that after reviewing last week's evidence, the court finds Mr. Robert De Niro NOT GUILTY of all charges. The jury feels that the Pros outweight the Cons by a mile, and even though Mr. De Niro has had a handful of shit bombs in the past few years, we need to look at the absolute magic he's created on screen. Come on, there's no question here.

Extra Tidbit: Who Should Take the Stand Next? Strike Back Below!
Source: JoBlo.com

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+0
2:15AM on 08/10/2012

Not Guilty but

Yes, he's staring movies as of late have been crap worthy and enough to throw him in jail but in larger movies he is doing a great job as a supporting actor and most importantly his staring roles have been in Straight To DVD flicks. That is like smoking weed in Denver - it's illegal in most states but he at least knows his safe harbor.
Yes, he's staring movies as of late have been crap worthy and enough to throw him in jail but in larger movies he is doing a great job as a supporting actor and most importantly his staring roles have been in Straight To DVD flicks. That is like smoking weed in Denver - it's illegal in most states but he at least knows his safe harbor.
Your Reply:



12:36PM on 08/08/2012
Also, what's with the STD dig? What's the story behind that?
Also, what's with the STD dig? What's the story behind that?
Your Reply:



9:50PM on 08/07/2012
[link]
Not the right article, but good enough to prove his innocence.
[link]
Not the right article, but good enough to prove his innocence.
Your Reply:



9:44PM on 08/07/2012

Not Guilty

Something about the way Val Kilmer has acted over the years always struck me as beyond normal. Then, several years ago, I read a critique of the man's acting career which referred to him as "meta". This really opened my mind to how incredible he is at choosing roles and making them his own. Needless to say, he is one of my favorite actors and I will never abandon him.
I have been unsuccessful at finding this article to support my argument. I will post it if I happen to find it.
Something about the way Val Kilmer has acted over the years always struck me as beyond normal. Then, several years ago, I read a critique of the man's acting career which referred to him as "meta". This really opened my mind to how incredible he is at choosing roles and making them his own. Needless to say, he is one of my favorite actors and I will never abandon him.
I have been unsuccessful at finding this article to support my argument. I will post it if I happen to find it.
Your Reply:



10:19AM on 08/07/2012
Not Guilty but definitely on a watch. He was excellent in Spartan, which was a David Mamet film that was overshadowed by his other great films. Also in that movie was Clark Gregg, and it's one of my favorite of the Mamet films. Give him a chance to do something great again, and it'll be fine.
Not Guilty but definitely on a watch. He was excellent in Spartan, which was a David Mamet film that was overshadowed by his other great films. Also in that movie was Clark Gregg, and it's one of my favorite of the Mamet films. Give him a chance to do something great again, and it'll be fine.
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9:44AM on 08/07/2012

Not Guilty

Thunderheart was another good one he did.

Tidbit: i'd like to say M. Night Shyamalan but that's just too easy, if the guy lived in Mega City One he'd have been Judged years ago.
Thunderheart was another good one he did.

Tidbit: i'd like to say M. Night Shyamalan but that's just too easy, if the guy lived in Mega City One he'd have been Judged years ago.
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1:37AM on 08/07/2012

i dunno man...

i got some reasonable doubt here. this juror is still out.
i got some reasonable doubt here. this juror is still out.
Your Reply:



9:51PM on 08/06/2012

NOT GUILTY!

On the merits of Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Heat, Macgruber, and The Doors alone, I'm saying he's not guilty.

Yes he's let go some shitbombs recently. But it hasn't been as bad as say... Nicolas Cage... who's obviously just trying to keep the IRS off his back at this point. Give Kilmer a break.
On the merits of Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Heat, Macgruber, and The Doors alone, I'm saying he's not guilty.

Yes he's let go some shitbombs recently. But it hasn't been as bad as say... Nicolas Cage... who's obviously just trying to keep the IRS off his back at this point. Give Kilmer a break.
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9:48PM on 08/06/2012

Not Guilty!!

As EvilDeadKing put Felon should be mentioned; though it was pretty much direct to DVD/limited release it was a good movie. Val was awesome in Heat, Tombstone, and The Doors some of my favorite movies.
As EvilDeadKing put Felon should be mentioned; though it was pretty much direct to DVD/limited release it was a good movie. Val was awesome in Heat, Tombstone, and The Doors some of my favorite movies.
Your Reply:



9:19PM on 08/06/2012

NOT GUILTY!!!!

No way can Val Kilmer be guilty. Go watch FELON!!!! I'm surprised no one mentioned this film in that article.
No way can Val Kilmer be guilty. Go watch FELON!!!! I'm surprised no one mentioned this film in that article.
Your Reply:



8:53PM on 08/06/2012

Not Guilty...second pic.

Conditioning for The Dark Knight Returns? Joking aside, he's solid.
Conditioning for The Dark Knight Returns? Joking aside, he's solid.
Your Reply:



8:50PM on 08/06/2012

He's Gotta Go

He needs help, clearly. Love me some Kiss Kiss Bang Bang but it would take a few solid performances to pull him out of this slump.
He needs help, clearly. Love me some Kiss Kiss Bang Bang but it would take a few solid performances to pull him out of this slump.
Your Reply:



8:40PM on 08/06/2012

NOT GUILTY

Willow and Tombstone are two of my all time favorites... can't convict this man
Willow and Tombstone are two of my all time favorites... can't convict this man
Your Reply:



8:28PM on 08/06/2012

Not Guilty

He redeemed himself a little in Macgruber, and he may redeem himself more in TWIXT.
He redeemed himself a little in Macgruber, and he may redeem himself more in TWIXT.
Your Reply:



+2
8:16PM on 08/06/2012

Not Guilty...

I was on the fence on this one, given all the straight to video shit he's done lately, but I can't bring myself to hate on Val. Maybe I haven't seen him in a decent film since Spartan or Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, but my god, I love the man. Real Genius, The Doors, Tombstone... Even his unseen turn as Elvis in True Romance... If De Niro's recent career isn't a jail-able offense, there's no way Kilmer's is.
I was on the fence on this one, given all the straight to video shit he's done lately, but I can't bring myself to hate on Val. Maybe I haven't seen him in a decent film since Spartan or Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, but my god, I love the man. Real Genius, The Doors, Tombstone... Even his unseen turn as Elvis in True Romance... If De Niro's recent career isn't a jail-able offense, there's no way Kilmer's is.
Your Reply:



+1
8:14PM on 08/06/2012
GUILTY! Movie Jail would do him some good (that is.. to lay off the burgers and fries)
GUILTY! Movie Jail would do him some good (that is.. to lay off the burgers and fries)
Your Reply:



+2
7:01PM on 08/06/2012
Not guilty. When he's good, he's fucking great and those great performances are keeping him out. For now.
Not guilty. When he's good, he's fucking great and those great performances are keeping him out. For now.
Your Reply:



5:09PM on 08/06/2012

Not Guilty

He can still be my wing-man any time.
He can still be my wing-man any time.
Your Reply:



5:05PM on 08/06/2012

Not Guilty

He can still be my wing-man any time.
He can still be my wing-man any time.
Your Reply:



4:56PM on 08/06/2012

Not Guilty

He can still be my wing-man any time.
He can still be my wing-man any time.
Your Reply:



4:18PM on 08/06/2012

NOT GUILTY

He may not get chosen for lead roles anymore or even big budget movies, but his acting has always been top notch regardless of what he is in, from what I have seen anyway.

Next up, Sylvester Stallone, I love the guy and his passion but he has made some shitty movies as well as great movies and characters
He may not get chosen for lead roles anymore or even big budget movies, but his acting has always been top notch regardless of what he is in, from what I have seen anyway.

Next up, Sylvester Stallone, I love the guy and his passion but he has made some shitty movies as well as great movies and characters
Your Reply:



4:06PM on 08/06/2012

NOT GUILTY.

After considering all the evidence, I find that Val Kilmer is indeed my Huckleberry. So he got older and fatter. So what? Everyone gets older and fatter. Have you seen Al Pacino lately? Oh wait someone below just mentioned him. Regardless. Val Kilmer still gets love from me.
After considering all the evidence, I find that Val Kilmer is indeed my Huckleberry. So he got older and fatter. So what? Everyone gets older and fatter. Have you seen Al Pacino lately? Oh wait someone below just mentioned him. Regardless. Val Kilmer still gets love from me.
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+3
3:38PM on 08/06/2012

NOT GUILTY!!!

No movie jail. The guy is now a character actor not a headliner anymore. He can star in as many movies with 50 Cent as he wants as long as he puts out some good shit from time to time.
No movie jail. The guy is now a character actor not a headliner anymore. He can star in as many movies with 50 Cent as he wants as long as he puts out some good shit from time to time.
Your Reply:



3:16PM on 08/06/2012
As for who should be up next, Al Pacino.
As for who should be up next, Al Pacino.
Your Reply:



3:15PM on 08/06/2012

Guilty

Unlike last week's defendant, despite the fantastic early output, there has been very little recently that Kilmer has done to challenge himself and try to get out the Direct-to-DVD rut he has found himself. A few bad movies are bound to happen over the course of a long enough career, but not trying to get out of such a wave is unforgivable.
Unlike last week's defendant, despite the fantastic early output, there has been very little recently that Kilmer has done to challenge himself and try to get out the Direct-to-DVD rut he has found himself. A few bad movies are bound to happen over the course of a long enough career, but not trying to get out of such a wave is unforgivable.
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2:28PM on 08/06/2012
I say not guilty. And for the next one do seth Rogen...I mean Green Hornet? come on.
I say not guilty. And for the next one do seth Rogen...I mean Green Hornet? come on.
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+3
1:14PM on 08/06/2012
I say NOT GUILTY.

You should prosecute Colin Hanks next, on grounds of being the worst actor on the face of the earth. Hang him, I say.
I say NOT GUILTY.

You should prosecute Colin Hanks next, on grounds of being the worst actor on the face of the earth. Hang him, I say.
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+6
1:09PM on 08/06/2012

NOT GUILTY!

Real Genius, Top Gun, Willow, The Doors, Tombstone (for which he should have been nominated), Thunderheart, The Salton Sea, Spartan, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans. These are all good films in which he was great and some of these roles were iconic. Too bad The Saint was not as good as it should have been, cause it has been down hill for his career since then. He must be having Financial and/or health problems. I'd love to see him get his ass to the gym and
Real Genius, Top Gun, Willow, The Doors, Tombstone (for which he should have been nominated), Thunderheart, The Salton Sea, Spartan, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans. These are all good films in which he was great and some of these roles were iconic. Too bad The Saint was not as good as it should have been, cause it has been down hill for his career since then. He must be having Financial and/or health problems. I'd love to see him get his ass to the gym and make a comeback! Remember, even friggin Bruce Willis has been ending up in some Straight to DVD movies lately.
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12:52PM on 08/06/2012

Not Guilty.

He needs to give Jenny a call (but don't we all?), but that's really the only reason he's being brought up here.
He needs to give Jenny a call (but don't we all?), but that's really the only reason he's being brought up here.
Your Reply:



12:48PM on 08/06/2012

Not Guilty

He may not be doing anything great, but he's not doing anything just straight up insulting or offensive to movie fans.
He may not be doing anything great, but he's not doing anything just straight up insulting or offensive to movie fans.
Your Reply:



12:45PM on 08/06/2012

Not Guilty

Ooops, double post, sorry!
Ooops, double post, sorry!
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+4
12:11PM on 08/06/2012
Too Easy...Not Guilty

next defendant Oliver Stone.
Too Easy...Not Guilty

next defendant Oliver Stone.
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+7
11:43AM on 08/06/2012
I say not guilty.
I surely haven't been the only one wanting a Val Kilmer come back? The window is still wide open for him to come back and be awesome again. Here's hoping that his fear of starring in a good movie passes soon.
I say not guilty.
I surely haven't been the only one wanting a Val Kilmer come back? The window is still wide open for him to come back and be awesome again. Here's hoping that his fear of starring in a good movie passes soon.
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11:17AM on 08/06/2012

Not Guilty

I have to say not guilty too. Oh, and for the extra tidbit, how about Jessica Alba? She has definitely been in some REALLY crappy movies comedies, in fact it seems that she is like the Queen of Bad Comedies or something.
I have to say not guilty too. Oh, and for the extra tidbit, how about Jessica Alba? She has definitely been in some REALLY crappy movies comedies, in fact it seems that she is like the Queen of Bad Comedies or something.
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11:17AM on 08/06/2012

Not guilty

I really like him, he's given some great performances, favourite for me was Tombstone. Fortunately I've not seen any of his later shit, but hopefully he can get back into leading films soon!
I really like him, he's given some great performances, favourite for me was Tombstone. Fortunately I've not seen any of his later shit, but hopefully he can get back into leading films soon!
Your Reply:



10:57AM on 08/06/2012

Not Guilty...

I say not guilty. He's always solid, even if the movie isn't.
I say not guilty. He's always solid, even if the movie isn't.
Your Reply:



10:30AM on 08/06/2012

Not Guilty

Was really good in Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang.
Was really good in Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang.
Your Reply:



10:08AM on 08/06/2012

Not guilty.

He's not embarrassing himself in front of mainstream audiences. Unlike last week's defendant Robert De Niro, who does shitty movies in theaters, Kilmer's blunders are gonna be in a bargain bin at Target where no one will see them. Is being in a bad movie a crime if no one actually watches it? I submit to the jury that, no, it is not a crime.

I would like to put Robert Zemeckis on the stand for the next Movie Jail.
He's not embarrassing himself in front of mainstream audiences. Unlike last week's defendant Robert De Niro, who does shitty movies in theaters, Kilmer's blunders are gonna be in a bargain bin at Target where no one will see them. Is being in a bad movie a crime if no one actually watches it? I submit to the jury that, no, it is not a crime.

I would like to put Robert Zemeckis on the stand for the next Movie Jail.
Your Reply:



9:42AM on 08/06/2012

Not guilty

He's solid, KKBB alone gives him a pass.
He's solid, KKBB alone gives him a pass.
Your Reply:



8:53AM on 08/06/2012

Keep him out.

The way I see it, even if his recent movies haven't been heard of then at least no-one's going to write them off as bad films, some of them may be but others might be cheesy bad and good in their own way. I'm letting him off purely based on Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, fantastic in that movie.
The way I see it, even if his recent movies haven't been heard of then at least no-one's going to write them off as bad films, some of them may be but others might be cheesy bad and good in their own way. I'm letting him off purely based on Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, fantastic in that movie.
Your Reply:



8:26AM on 08/06/2012

give him a break

The Salton Sea is by far my favorite Val movie. But i have to say Guilty, cause he is turning into Nicolas Cage with some of the random films he's doing.
The Salton Sea is by far my favorite Val movie. But i have to say Guilty, cause he is turning into Nicolas Cage with some of the random films he's doing.
Your Reply:



8:21AM on 08/06/2012

Not Guilty

Val Kilmer just isn't the marquee name he once was. I suggest counseling, and maybe a new agent is in order. But Val Kilmer never was the sort of star who could coast on the kind of recognition a lot of his peers had. While I do hope he can pull himself up out of this rut, I don't feel like kicking him it.
Val Kilmer just isn't the marquee name he once was. I suggest counseling, and maybe a new agent is in order. But Val Kilmer never was the sort of star who could coast on the kind of recognition a lot of his peers had. While I do hope he can pull himself up out of this rut, I don't feel like kicking him it.
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+3
8:10AM on 08/06/2012
Wow, this is not going how I expected. Tons of Kilmer love from the Shmoes - I love it!

As for my 2 cents....... guilty, just to make this interesting.
Wow, this is not going how I expected. Tons of Kilmer love from the Shmoes - I love it!

As for my 2 cents....... guilty, just to make this interesting.
Your Reply:



7:41AM on 08/06/2012
NOT GUILTY. Victim of circumstance. He takes the work he can get and at least seems to give 100%.
NOT GUILTY. Victim of circumstance. He takes the work he can get and at least seems to give 100%.
Your Reply:



7:38AM on 08/06/2012
Not Guilty. The guy can flat out act, but like a lot of other awesome actors out there they seem to get passed over by the newest flavor of the month in Hollywood. Real Genius/Tombstone/Heat the man is awesome!!
Not Guilty. The guy can flat out act, but like a lot of other awesome actors out there they seem to get passed over by the newest flavor of the month in Hollywood. Real Genius/Tombstone/Heat the man is awesome!!
Your Reply:



7:35AM on 08/06/2012
Not Guilty because he starred in Real Genius. That negates anything else he has ever done.
Not Guilty because he starred in Real Genius. That negates anything else he has ever done.
Your Reply:



+6
6:29AM on 08/06/2012

Not Guilty

Unlike Sandler who has the bank to produce his own dreck, Kilmer is taking what he can get in order to keep working. Plus he tries, I'm sure he didn't know before hand that Francis Ford Coppola horror flick he was in was going to suck so bad when it was done.
Unlike Sandler who has the bank to produce his own dreck, Kilmer is taking what he can get in order to keep working. Plus he tries, I'm sure he didn't know before hand that Francis Ford Coppola horror flick he was in was going to suck so bad when it was done.
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6:13AM on 08/06/2012
Not guity, the fact he played Iceman, Doc Holliday & Jim Morrison saves him from a guilty verdict.
Not guity, the fact he played Iceman, Doc Holliday & Jim Morrison saves him from a guilty verdict.
Your Reply:



2:57AM on 08/06/2012
Not guilty. I think Kilmer has a good reason for this. Didn't he announce himself to be bankrupt? I could be wrong but I remember that last year he tried to sell his ranch in Arizona on a very high price but no one buy it. He probably needs the money to pay off the debt. Regarding his movies, they weren't bad. They're just mediocre at best. Kilmer is still better than Sandler or Murphy.
Not guilty. I think Kilmer has a good reason for this. Didn't he announce himself to be bankrupt? I could be wrong but I remember that last year he tried to sell his ranch in Arizona on a very high price but no one buy it. He probably needs the money to pay off the debt. Regarding his movies, they weren't bad. They're just mediocre at best. Kilmer is still better than Sandler or Murphy.
Your Reply:



2:30AM on 08/06/2012
FELON
See it
The man still has chops
FELON
See it
The man still has chops
Your Reply:



2:30AM on 08/06/2012

Not Guilty

He suffers from being over the hill. Since his Heat/Batman hay days, he's been pretty under the radar. His movies since then have been too small for me to take notice. I'm under the impression that if i can't see it, it's not there. But the latest movies he's done that i have seen have been pretty good (Kiss Kiss Bang Bang). His problem is he's not popular anymore, studios dont want him in major movies, so he has to settle for lower tier movies. The man's gotta eat, and thats not a crime. He
He suffers from being over the hill. Since his Heat/Batman hay days, he's been pretty under the radar. His movies since then have been too small for me to take notice. I'm under the impression that if i can't see it, it's not there. But the latest movies he's done that i have seen have been pretty good (Kiss Kiss Bang Bang). His problem is he's not popular anymore, studios dont want him in major movies, so he has to settle for lower tier movies. The man's gotta eat, and thats not a crime. He could do another good movie if given the chance.

Next Defendant: Sandra Bullock
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2:29AM on 08/06/2012

Not guilty

Yeah, the guy burned some bridges he shouldn't have and has done some lousy films but I suspect his recent output is more a Michael Caine-style work ethic rather than doing crap for a big payoff. He's a solid actor who makes the most of any role.

Next defendant: M. Night Shyamalan!
Yeah, the guy burned some bridges he shouldn't have and has done some lousy films but I suspect his recent output is more a Michael Caine-style work ethic rather than doing crap for a big payoff. He's a solid actor who makes the most of any role.

Next defendant: M. Night Shyamalan!
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+10
2:16AM on 08/06/2012
Gonna go with Not Guilty. Even though he's only been in straight-to-video movies, he hasn't made complete shit movies like Sandler and Murphy. He's simply been out of the Hollywood spotlight which is okay. I can still turn to Heat and Tombstone to admire his work.
Gonna go with Not Guilty. Even though he's only been in straight-to-video movies, he hasn't made complete shit movies like Sandler and Murphy. He's simply been out of the Hollywood spotlight which is okay. I can still turn to Heat and Tombstone to admire his work.
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2:15AM on 08/06/2012
Guilty. The last good thing he's done was Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang. He has done some great movies but he's done mostly crap and needs to serve his time.
Guilty. The last good thing he's done was Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang. He has done some great movies but he's done mostly crap and needs to serve his time.
Your Reply:



2:07AM on 08/06/2012
Not guilty. Kilmer isn't as bad an actor as a lot of people say he is, and I think that his much-mocked weight gain in recent years was probably brought on by an illness (some have speculated that it's Cushing's Disease, but I don't think it's been confirmed). He'll be fondly remembered for Top Gun and Heat (and for me, The Prince of Egypt), and he has had a less-than-stellar recent filmography but I don't think he's a complete sellout intent on tossing away his career for a paycheck. I'd love
Not guilty. Kilmer isn't as bad an actor as a lot of people say he is, and I think that his much-mocked weight gain in recent years was probably brought on by an illness (some have speculated that it's Cushing's Disease, but I don't think it's been confirmed). He'll be fondly remembered for Top Gun and Heat (and for me, The Prince of Egypt), and he has had a less-than-stellar recent filmography but I don't think he's a complete sellout intent on tossing away his career for a paycheck. I'd love to see him make a comeback.
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