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Awfully Good #37


Xanadu (1980)

Director: Robert Greenwald
Stars: Olivia Newton-John, Gene Kelly, Michael Beck

Is there a plot?

A muse from the heavens helps a struggling artist achieve his dream of opening up a roller disco. .

What's the damage?

XANADU. The movie so bad they had to create the Razzie Awards just to do it justice. It may physically hurt you to watch it, thanks to the hours of roller discoing, but it’s so unbelievable you won’t be able to unglue your eyes from the travesty.

My personal version of hell…eternal darkness, bad disco music and Michael Beck on skates.

Granted, you’re going to have to be really drunk or really high for this one. (Preferably both.) But prepare to have your mind blown by the fact that something so awful exists, not to mention the “talent” involved. If you’re too young to remember, this is the film that killed film legend Gene Kelly by sucking on such an epic level. They made the man play a clarinet on the beach, then rollerskate to awful 70s glam rock for God’s sake. Hot off the success of GREASE, Olivia Newton John also effectively murdered her movie career with XANADU, with help from costar Michael Beck, the 80s version of Ben Affleck. The ridiculous new age love story between the two is almost unbearable.

It’s twue! It’s twue! !”

But what if I like disco and roller skating, you say? Even if you can stomach the neon glowing dancers and pastel colors, XANADU is still constantly cringe worthy. Try to make your way through the sanity-destroying songs, horrible dancing, terrible effects or random animated sequences (by the vet Don Bluth no less) unscathed. The final song and dance routine stylistically goes from circus themed to rock n roll concert to cowboy laden to futuristic space theme. God help us all.

Pufferfish: The Musical

"Best" Line

I think Gene Kelly’s hitting on that poor boy.

"Best" Parts

1) This opening dance number is so godawful you can’t look away. I even shortened it for you. You’re welcome.

2) I thought muses were supposed to inspire lives, not ruin them.

Nudity Watch

A few skimpy outfits but, other than that, no.

Enjoyableness Continuum:

Skate on through! Buy this movie here!

Play Along at Home!

Take a shot or drink every time:

  • Your gaydar goes off the charts
  • There’s a cheesy transition between scenes

Seen a movie that should be featured on this column? Shoot Jason an email and give him an excuse to drink.

Source: DVD Clinic
Tags: awfully good



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