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C'mon Hollywood #14

08.25.2004

...gimme less Murphy and more Sly!
by Indiana Sev

Eddie Murphy has used his 'get out of jail free' card with his rotten movies for way too long and today is the day that I finally get to call him on it. And donít give me any of that ďIf you donít like his movies, donít watch themĒ horseshit either. As one of the DVD reviewers for this site, Iím often forced to watch duds that I donít want to and Iím usually the sucker that ends up with the latest Eddie Murphy kiddie flick sequel that heís whored himself out to [my HAUNTED MANSION review]. So if I want to vent on this, I think Iíve earned the right, goddamnit! I swear if it werenít for the SHREK movies, this guy would be cast off to some Siberian gulag for about ten years to ponder where he went wrong with his film career, or where his lazy agent went wrong or whoever the hell else runs his career went wrong. So as Murphy gets set to star in his next bad sequel, DADDY DAY CAMP (no f*ckin' joke, check it out here), some actor who truly deserves some more screen time, namely Sylvester Stallone, gets the shaft again!

Címon Hollywood...give Sly the comeback that he so merits and donít give Eddie another role unless heís allowed to cuss again in a movie, since thatís usually the only time heís even remotely funny (it is to note, I was once a fan of Murphyís...before he sold his soul).

Now most of you will start getting on my back about how COPLAND was Slyís second shot and he blew it, right? Well, it was and I personally donít see how he blew it. In fact, Iím pretty sure everybody but JoBlo, The Arrow and myself missed the boat on that one. The man went head-to-head with Keitel, DeNiro and Liotta and yes, even the great Peter Berg and walked away with his head held high. And instead of an Oscar nomination, what does he get? Two more feature films (GET CARTER and DRIVEN) and three straight-to-video misfires (EYE SEE YOU, AVENGING ANGELO and SHADE), thatís what! Iím starting to feel really sorry for the guy too. I went on his website a little while ago and listened to one of these recorded messages he leaves for his fans and the dude sounded like heís seriously losing it. Please Hollywood, start sending Sly the primo scripts and soon, I think that last SPY KID (I purposefully didnít mention it before) flick really messed him up.

I donít care if itís ROCKY VI, RAMBO IV or even RHINESTONE II; just make damn sure his next movie gets released on the big screen. Sly, at the very least, deserves that courtesy from us after delivering onto us oh-so many years of classic 80ís cheese as well as the best underdog movie of all time - ROCKY. Just get his face out there again so people remember that heís still alive and kicking and hopefully P.T. Anderson or Wes Anderson or any other Anderson will be inspired to cast him in their latest opus. Because, Iím telling you, if I have to endure an I SPY 2 [my I SPY review] or some other nonsense from Murphy again, Iím going to go berserk and start shooting up the JoBlo.com offices. I havenít so much as smirked at any of Murphyís on-screen shenanigans for years, give the man a rest; he needs to refuel...

Hopefully this article will convince some exec out there who is considering green-lighting METRO 2 for Murphy, to calm the f*ck down for a second and reconsider any such ideas for the time being.

To quote the great Stallone from one of his classic films:

ďNothing is over!Ē

PREVIOUSLY:
...gimme the Wonder Years on DVD! (August 20, 2004)
...gimme a one-on-one with Elisha! (August 18, 2004)
...more hockey movies, dammit! (August 13, 2004)
...put a fork in Chan, he's done! (August 11, 2004)
...where the f*ck is Chris Tucker? (August 5, 2004)
...gimme Leah Remini on the big screen! (August 3, 2004)
...I found your new bad boy! (July 20, 2004)
...check out the Trailer Park Boys! (July 16, 2004)
...gimme an Archie movie! (July 8, 2004)
...gimme more Hollywood bad boys! (July 2, 2004)
...gimme more money shots! (June 30, 2004)
...gimme dead dogs on film! (June 25, 2004)
...gimme more Timothy Hutton! (June 23, 2004)

Source: JoBlo.com
Tags: Hollywood

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